I was confronted with a truth this week I should’ve already known: The way we parent and treat our child is very different than most people can begin to understand or appreciate. It’s all around us.
- We were asked to leave the children’s museum because of our lack of helicopter parenting.
- A local playground won’t allow him and his friends to play while the moms watch from the grass.
- The library deems 10 the magic age to sit unaccompanied while a parent walks the aisles.
- The convenience store on the corner doesn’t allow in any aged minor without a guardian.
Why has it become second nature to hover over our children, directing their every move and battering their curiosities with our fears regarding safety or fun? When did this happen? Can we blame the connectivity of the modern world and the onslaught of fear-based news it’s brought us? Or perhaps it’s the poor expectations we have for children that they undoubtedly live up to?
I am what you could call a Free Range Parent. I let Zeb play in the cul-de-sac without my supervision. When we had friends on the block, they would run amok together. He’s gone to the convenience store on the corner with other 9 year old friends (before the above rule was posted). And he’s stayed home alone for short amounts of time. In fact, my only fears are bad drivers and the opinions of people who might call CPS. More of the latter, truthfully.
Why am I not afraid to do these things? Because I know the statistics. I know things are actually safer now than 20 or 30 years ago when kids spent their entire summers outside and unsupervised for most of the day. And I know that less than 1% of 1% of children in the U.S. are actually abducted, that almost all abuse or abduction is done by a family member, friend or acquaintance (i.e. there is statistically more danger in one’s own home than anywhere else) and that the incidences of such things happening are going down while our paranoia over such things is going up.
We’ve traded social vigilance for parental paranoia, a child’s confidence for overprotection, and a bubble in place of a community.
I wonder about the affects of teaching our children to distrust every person they encounter or assume every stranger is a potential threat. I wonder how the next generation will function in day-to-day life without the confidence that comes from navigating terrain without a constant guardian. Are we, in fact, raising a Nation of Wimps?
I don’t believe we shouldn’t protect our children. I strongly believe that in meeting my child’s emotional needs. But like Attachment Parenting explains, if my child’s needs are being met and he feels secure and loved, he will grow more secure and confident, building on a firm foundation as he ventures into the world on his own. With inner security and confidence, children can become secure and confident in the world around them, as well as with their own abilities to assimilate into that world.
Being a Free Range parent is simply following that lead. We meet the need for freedom and autonomy as they become ready for it. We help them learn safety and common sense and then we allow them to experiment with their environments and test their own boundaries and abilities. We support their interest in becoming independent individuals, so that as adults they can become independent individuals.
The real challenge, however, comes when confronted with the absurdity of our societies expectations of child-rearing. How can I encourage Zeb’s autonomy when threatened with the expulsion of supposedly child-friendly and safe public areas? How can I support his desire for independent decision-making when I’m afraid the neighbors may call the police? At every turn he is talked down to, treated as a fragile being, incapable of thought or decision or spoken to with disdain. Without immediate adult supervision, he is seen as a vandal, a social case, a klutz, a thief or just untrustworthy. If we dared to treat another adult in this manner based on nothing but their age (or heaven forbid, their race or gender) it would never be tolerated. We are a prejudice generation and just like prejudices of the past, we refuse to see the harm in our actions.
Zeb often feels shock when he’s treated without trust. He’s accustomed to a reasonable amount of freedom and respect from the adults in our circle and becomes flustered or frustrated otherwise. The treatment has been so unsettling as to bring about anger or tears – ‘Why are they treating me like a baby? Why do I need my mom to watch me go down a slide? Why can a 10 year old peruse the library but a child one month shy of 10 years old can’t?’ I don’t have the answers for him, except to empathize and validate and try to find places that are compatible with the ways in which we believe all people should be treated.
Here is my real fear: How do these views shape the character of our kids? Who will our children grow up to be when they are either handled with kid gloves or else held in such low regard? What do these views – views that all say “you can’t be trusted” – do to our children in the long-term?
Sounds a lot like what I’ve been reading in Unconditional Parenting. But as someone who was excessively controlled and “helicoptered” it’s already been a struggle to be more “free range”. Though yesterday, for the first time ever, I actually sat down and let my 18 mo old walk the park – still within view, but from very afar. He seemed surprised, but was soon off on his own. I hope to keep growing and letting him explore life.
This is something that I’ve had to grown up with myself. My parents have always given more trust to me and my sisters than what was considered “appropriate” by most of the people around us. Once, while I was biking in my own neighborhood, I was taken aside by a traffic monitoring police officer. I was on a route that I knew well, and I knew how to safely cross streets and signal on the bike so that others knew my movements. But that didn’t matter – only my age did. He drove me home.
Ageism is something that I feel very strongly about. It’s why I don’t usually tell people how old I am, and just let them treat me as they see me because of my personality and actions. Most of the time, and increasingly so as I’ve gotten older, the guesses at my age are a lot higher than what I actually am. Even more so when I’m speaking with someone online and they have no idea as to what I look like.
I thought your comment on the issue with strangers was interesting. In a way I could see the stranger taboo as being yet another part of the schooling in our society. We’re only allowed to learn what teacher’s teach. We’re only allowed to be friends with who our parents and teachers approve of. Those standards will naturally stay with us as we get older, because the standards become our own. And from there we pass them onto our own children.. A vicious cycle adding on to the many problems in our communities.
People are increasingly unable to handle responsibility and continue to trust themselves and their own choices less and less. Cheers to raising independent children!
Wonderful post. Much needed, for all to read. Makes me realize how good we had it in the 70’s, roaming the streets until all hours.
An 11 month old can’t wander without some supervision because it places a burden on the staff. C’mon, that’s common sense. Another thing that has brought on those rules is parents disappearing for hours leaving the library staff to babysit, while doing their other jobs. At my libary, I leave my 7 yr old in the children’s section BUT (and this is a giant BUT) the librarians know me, and know I won’t leave him there for more than 20 minutes and that he will quietly read and not wreck havoc.
Great post!
Carol, what I wrote was “a 9 year and 11 month old” – as in he’ll be 10 years old in one month (I’ll change the post to clarify that). And I’m not talking toddlers here. We’re talking kids who are mature, articulate and capable of reading a book with enough self-control to not bother anyone/thing. Obviously what a child does and is capable of is and should be evaluated in every situation.
In the case of the library, he wasn’t allowed to sit anywhere (children’s section or the outside of the aisle I was on) but had to stay at my heals the entire time. Very silly really.
I so agree. i wish people understood the negative effects of hovering. These children of helicopter parents will end up neurotic, unable to make decisions when they grow up because they’ve never been allowed to think, to explore, to make mistakes. I wish people would just relax and enjoy life.
Great post! I was horrified to read about all the places that discriminate against children… I thought things were bad here, but I never see convenience stores that won’t even allow minors!
I agree that we are limiting children’s independent growth when we think we have to constantly protect them. There are many overprotected children growing up with no clue how to care for themselves.
I can’t help but wonder about the safety stats though. Couldn’t the “protective parenting” be a cause of better stats? This is definitely a different society than it was in the 70s/80s. I remember growing up outside all day long, all over the neighborhood, and I wish I could let my kids do the same, but I also have anxieties for valid reasons. Unfortunately, we do pass them on to our kids. But, I try to balance it and give them chances to do things on their own too. What bothers me is when “authorities” do not recognize the difference between lenient, non-anxious parenting and out right neglect. It is not fair that they can put so much control over how we parent because we live in a fear-based society.
Hello. Wow. I thought you must have been talking about small children when I read your post (just found your blog) but nine years old? Absurd is the word! Do these regulations come down to fear of litigation?
Good post. I think that raising my son to have an internal locus of control is one of the most powerful things I can do for him. Their ability to self regulate not only makes them more confident but also makes them able to resist peer pressure, follow through on their responsibilities and commitments and acts as a protectant against mental health issues like anxiety and depression. I think part of the epidemic of kids on mess for this or that is another attempt to solve the problems caused by overprotectiveness and fear thinking. My son is still small but already I know other moms who get nervous around us because he is very physical and loves to climb on things and for the most part I let him while hanging close by. The kid has amazing balance and physicality and I think it would be a shame to punish or prevent him from doing these things though there is some danger involved. We also live in Vegas sorry to hear about your experience at lied.
I just read this book a few weeks ago. I have spent entirely too much time in life explaining to family and friends that Avalon will be fine at whatever she’s doing. My mother recently was on my case about something I let A do without my direct supervision and I reminded her that she used to let me walk to the corner store when I was the SAME AGE as my child is now – and Grammy doesn’t even want me to let A leave my line of vision. It’s a crazy world, not because of any actual ‘bad guys’ but mostly because of the fear of both the unknown and of litigation.
And now I’m curious about which library you went to, as I’ve allowed Avalon to wander a few aisles away from me at my “home” library and no one has said anything to me as of yet, and am wondering whether I should be on guard.
Sadly, I think some kids can’t be trusted because they never get the practice. They’re placed in daycare where they must mold with the routine. Then the go to school where they’re told where to go, when to eat, when to use the potty, etc. Then they go to organized sports where they’re told when to kick, when to drink, etc. They don’t have the chance to learn self-regulation.
Fantastic post! I was just talking to a friend about Free Range Kids. I encourage my girls to be free range, they used to be very shy but the free range approach has made them more confident and independent little girls. This fear based and stranger danger society has really gotten out of hand. It blows my mind that there was even a need for the book “Last Child in the Woods” to be written. I’m afraid that the people reading the book aren’t the people that really SHOULD be reading the book.
Thank you for this post!
Lisa
~idzie, they will allow kids in under adult supervision. they are the worst about tweens and teens. some stores have a no backpack rule. i guess they are suppose to leave their backpacks outside?
~janflora, i’ve wondered the same thing about whether the stats have improved bc of increased supervision. and it’s a valid point. but i know crime has decreased overall, not just crimes against children but crimes against adults and property too. i read somewhere (on freerangekids maybe?) that NY city has the same stats as many smaller towns. but i think it really boils down to common sense and teaching our kids without filling them with “stranger danger” ideas.
~Brandi, this was at sahara west library. i wouldn’t be on guard. i would act as if it’s the most normal thing to have your child look thru books while you do the same (cuz it is)!
~karyn, that is a good point. and then it becomes a vicious cycle. that why i think it’s important to follow your child’s lead as they want more autonomy by providing ways to meet that need a little at a time to allow time for them to grow into self-regulation.
~Tara
I’m so glad my neighbors hardly bat an eyelid (anymore) when my 3 year old runs around the yard and jumps on the tramp, naked.
Best wishes in asserting your right to parent your way. 
I love the Free Range Kids book and website. I’ve been working on that as appropriate with my own kids. My oldest is 7, and it’s such a treat to her to get to watch her 4 year old brother while they play out front with friends. I know I was playing out front at that age too.
We’re getting ready to move, and one of the things that delighted me driving around the new neighborhood before we made our choice of homes to rent was the number of kids playing in their front yards.
This is a great article, and a subject dear to my heart. Your son’s response to these ludicrous curtailings of his freedom remind me of my experience moving from a stint in Berlin in the late 1980s back to the U.S. for the early 1990s. I had gone to junior high in Berlin, and now I was attending an American high school, and I was appalled at the difference in trust levels. My U.S. high school was in the middle of fields, but we weren’t allowed to set foot off the campus. Passing time between classes was cut from 5 minutes to 3 to prevent lollygagging (I could barely find my new classrooms in that amount of time). Lunches were 20 minutes, which barely gave us enough time to stand in line for our meals, much less eat. What really got me was just how rude many of the authorities were about this, their expectation that we were always out to do something bad. Even though I was a “good” kid, I was on the receiving end of suspicion whenever I was out in the hall during a class period, or asking to use the payphone (to call my mom). It all just seemed so demeaning to me. In Berlin, where I was younger, and it was a big city, we were allowed to wander, to walk home by ourselves, to ride our bikes all over, to leave the school campus for our hour-long lunch, to go to the restroom without having a hall pass compulsively monitored. And just the attitude of authority there was much more respectful, expecting the best of kids. And I noticed the student behavior was much more “obedient” in Berlin than in the U.S. When you refuse to give trust, you’re not going to get much good in return back.
Thanks for letting me babble. I just really do think a lot about this topic and have some of the same ambivalences and frustrations you’ve mentioned. How much freedom can I allow my son (now 2, but I’m thinking ahead!) without (a) endangering him and (b) getting CPS called on me?
I’m torn about this. I started to compose a response in my mind and by the time I got from my reader to here I realised it probably required my own blog post, lol. I mean, I DO agree about not smothering our kids, but I’m not so trustful about the world to be completely hands-off. I’ll get back to you.
Hmmm,I’ve never had a problem at the libraries in town, but we usualy go during the day when no one else is there. I wonder if the “rules” become more stringent because of sumer break?
I totally get the supervision in the store and the backpack rule. Having worked in retail for years, theft, gangs and unruly kids (usually tweens and teens) can be a huge problem. I’ve seen signs on convenience stores that say no groups of more than two kids are aloud. I’m sure it’s a theft issue. Unfortunately, the good kids get lumped in.
I love the phrase free-range kids.
I am hoping to rear a couple of those myself. They are still young (six and almost three), but I continually get comments of surprise about how articulate or “mature” they are, especially the older one. Well, that’s what happens when you talk to kids like they’re people. 
I will see how I feel about their physical independence from me as they get older (walking to places on their own, etc.). I grew up in a small town and I am raising them in a city, and I do miss the sense of familiarity and of knowing many people. One thing that replaces that for me here is our homeschooling community… it helps to be around like-minded folks who understand why you’re letting your kid play in the “woods” at the edge of the park without freaking out or standing right next to them the whole time.
Like mon, I think I feel a blog post coming on. Great food for thought Tara…great post.
We’ve always parented from a distance. I stand back, in full awareness of where my child is (both of mine are still under 5) and if they should need assistance. Often times people look around for parents (trying to be helpful in case the child is lost) and we give a friendly wave from our relaxed spot.
Part of my reasoning for parenting like this is I want my children to have unique interactions with other people and the world around them without the constant medium of a parent. I understand that I don’t “know it all” nor am I the only type of person out there. They need to learn to navigate all types of situations and it’s a continuum of experience. (ie there is no magic age or experience where they start having their own experiences). I’m there in case I’m needed but I try to let my children have their own interactions in the world. I also give them full access to us via co-sleeping, extended nursing, babywearing etc. and I let them choose when they need to feel close to me or feel like exploring the world.
Mon, I don’t mean to imply a “hands-off” approach at all. That would be like saying leaving your kid alone is good unschooling. It’s not. It’s about relationship and trust and knowing the boundaries and limitations of both your environment and your child.
Hillary, you stated it exactly: giving them full access to you and letting them choose what they need.
I look forward to reading any blog posts this may have inspired.
Those things you listed are just crazy! I couldn’t imagine not letting kids run around the playground while I chill on the grass. I’m sort of in the middle. I love the idea of letting kids be “free range”, in fact it’s how I was raised when I was younger. But at the same time I’m still very nervous about things. Some think I’m a helicopter parent and some think I don’t parent enough. LOL
I enjoyed reading this post. It is important, as you say, to remember the statistics, that our children are more, not less safe, than they were a generation ago. I guess our media-saturated, rolling-news world bears some responsibility for that. It *seems* obvious that we should be trusted more with our own children, that we shouldn’t be expected to do the helicopter thing, but then I only have to look around the supermarket or the leisure centre to see examples of (what I would deem) not-good-enough-parenting, “hands-off” parenting, the kind of parenting that probably inspires the library or convenience store’s rules. *sigh* It can really get quite depressing. But thanks again for writing, I enjoyed visiting your blog.
I am all for free range kids. I am usually not as tolerant of free range kids in places like museums and libraries though. We have season passes to a couple different museums and find it a constant irritation when kids are permitted to wander all over without parental supervision. These are the kids that run and almost trip you or topple over your stroller and injure your toddler. They hog all the interactive games or exhibits and never let other children have a chance to try them. Last week my son wanted to try a virtual game at the science center but two children whose parents were likely chatting in the cafeteria, played it for over 2 hours.. we kept checking back, and my son never got to try it. My kids might do the same if I was not there to gently remind them that other people are also excited to experience these things and to let others have a turn. I don’t think places like museums and libraries are appropriate for free range play. When in those places I do not hover over them but I do not let them disrepsect other guests either and I wouldn’t know if that was going on if I just let them run off and didn’t watch.
Hey, I love this post! I’m a public school teacher who adores the concepts of homeschooling and unschooling (yes, I might be the only one!). Can’t wait to try it out with my own kids, if motherhood is in God’s plan for me.
I have taught preschool for the past four years, and I often give my students more “free-range” than other teachers. I will send two of them to the office for me, or let someone go to the water fountain alone. Even at the age of 3 or 4, these are things they can do. I doubt they will get lost in the building, but if they do, what a great learning experience to ask another teacher or a “big kid” to help them.
Unfortunately, there is a climate of fear in the world. They are not MY kids, so I do not have the freedom to do whatever I want. If something should happen to them, however minor, it could end my career. I don’t like the climate of fear in the field of public education, but it seeps into my thoughts anyway.
When we treat children with suspicion and mistrust, we have forgetten that you get what you expect. With rare exception, if I expect a student to get a drink and come back to the classroom, that’s what he will do. He has a need and he has the ability to satisfy it. If I make it seem like going to the water fountain is breaking a rule of some kind, he feels a temporary freedom from restriction and he is more likely to take advantage of it. I would rather my students feel that I trust them to be responsible for their needs, and I have no desire to restrict them. That’s how we get those “good kids.” With rare exception, I think all kids would be “good kids” if they felt respected.
Woa Tara, that is regulation to a new level!! I thought it was bad here, but no rules exist like the ones you have listed. I am so lucky!! I think what is going to matter most to Zeb and shape him is they way you and your husband are as parents. Long term he will not be paranoid or fearful because you aren’t, even if he does live in a paranoid and fearful society, he will see through the silliness because he’ll learn confidence and understanding from you. I used to be concerned about this for my children, but now I know that it is how I am as a parent that will have the biggest effect. If I wasn’t my children’s primary caregiver or role model in raising them, it wouldn’t be the case. The fact you are unschooling also, means he doesn’t have to get any of this paranoia at school. Great post!
Great post!
Awesome post, Tara! I’m cheering in the background here…I am so happy that Lenore and her Free Range ideas have been spreading all over blogland, and into real life too.
By no means is this “hands-off” parenting. I think parents still need to be very aware of what their kids are up to, but also give them freedom to go out of their sight sometimes!
I can’t believe moms can’t sit in the grass at the park while the kids play!!! That is horrible.
i’m very much a free range parent,too, as long as my little ones are safe. we do hold hands to cross roads,though.
Funny cos after reading your post here, I picked up a mag which is quite a mainstream publication, tending to the left, and there’s an article called ‘Why I’m a bad parent and proud of it” I might quote some of it later on my blog cos it’s hilarious but anyway, one point he makes is “why does civilisation dominated by experts find it so difficult to respond to reality, rather than ideology”. He also uses the word silliness for the over protection in society. And also says that it is no more likely now than it ws 50 years ago for a child to be abducted from a park. He quotes “despite the fact we all might pine for the good old days when kids could play in the park saeftly by themselves, those days have long gone” and he says Newsflash: those days never existed. It has never been safe for children to play in parks. And then goes on to list why…
Anyway, you’d like the article I’m sure.
In response to what some have said here, I think that a responsible and aware parent knows their child and whether or not they can trust them to “roam free.” This includes places like libraries and museums. Some children really ARE polite and considerate of others. Lumping all children into a category of “they will just run around a wreak havoc if you don’t watch them” is exactly the root of the issue here.
This is a wonderful post. So much to think about. Thank you.
I’ve noticed a huge difference in how children are treated from even 15 years ago. I was with my friend and her daughter at the park a couple weeks ago and she usually sits on a bench and watches her daughter play. If there is an issue she’s close enough to intervene, but she doesn’t hover. Her daughter knows how to use all the equipment safely and plays and explores much better without us hovering over. The other parents were apalled at our behaviour. They were talking badly about us for sitting on a bench instead of following her daughter around. What I found the worst was that a couple other children and her daughter got into an argument over some equipment. They were easily able to settle it on their own, and they did very quickly, but as soon as a parent saw any problem (and the children were definitely not getting physical or verbally aggressive) they ran over and again were upset that we waited. We were 10 feet away, ready to intervene if things escalated, but we knew they deserved a chance to settle things on their own.
I think aside from the safety thing, what is difficult for some people is they don’t know the background of your child, so it is difficult to tell a free-range parenting style where a child has all of their needs met and the parent knows how much independence they can handle, from hands-off parenting, without actually knowing your child. Those parents at the park probably thought we were lazy, when in fact we actually knew what we were doing. The problem is that there are many hands-off parents and there are many children who are never taught proper skills or how they should behave on their own. The sad thing is that there are nearly 10 year olds who yell and run around a library causing problems, and there are kids who go into convenience stores and steal and act inappropriately, and unfortunately it is easier for these places to lump all chidren together and create rules than to use a case by case basis. I’m not trying to make excuses here, but most people who have worked in customer service have experienced how surprinsingly even older children can act. I think it is so unfair to children like yours who can easily handle these situations, and it does scare me to think of the complications of these rules. How are children going to grow into successful adults when they aren’t even given the opportunity for independence until they are grown? I’m just not sure what a proper solution would be. It is such a tough issue, even though it shouldn’t be, and it is so unfair to your son for being treated in ways he shouldn’t be.
I’m so sorry for writing a novel here. This has just given me so much to think about.
Wow. And… amen. First, I am completely shocked about the park rule, and the other things, too. I guess I better count my blessings, because my kids are pretty free-range, too, and I haven’t been called on it by anyone but my own mother. Whom I feel free to ignore.
I let them climb the library stairs and take the elevator back down — without me. I let them wander the children’s section while I stand in line at checkout. I remind them to whisper, and not to run. And they mostly remember.
I’m sorry you don’t have much freedom in your own neighborhood!
I have to say, I am just so, so, so tired of the daily sideways glances and glares from other parents at parks, etc. when I make choices that don’t conform to their choices in parenting. And on top of that, so, so tired of those other parents stepping in and imposing their “rules” on my kids, telling them when to do things or where not to climb, etc. And then telling me off for not being the one to tell them off so they “had to” do it. And then, there is the whole naked issue. My kids are naked crazy! And I can’t tell you have many altercations I’ve had with other parents and their children at beaches, even with just my two-year-old gone naked. The making fun, the looks, the horrific comments, the pointing and gaping and staring…. Man! What I am thrilled about is that my kids happen to be of the nature that if someone takes an issue with them about something, they’re the first to resist and do it more. Don’t climb onto the roof of the play hut, huh? Well, look how fast I can do it! I know, it’s not the most peaceful approach, but I’m glad they have the confidence and sense of self to be OK with their choices and their (apparently alternative and wacky) way of living. And sometimes? They even get hurt while making their own choices! They get bumps and bruises and scrapes and stitches and ….. we patch them up together and they learn something really valuable every time. It happens! Unless you live in a boring ol’ bubble, life happens. Life is dirty, it’s messy, it can be painful and it’s about falling down…. it’s also about freedom, independence, individuality, supporting each other when we do fall.
Disclaimer: a good sprinkling of common sense and good judgment is obviously part of the equation too.
Thanks for the post, and I hope this very tired mama rambling made some sense.
I wonder if you saw this beautifully-written essay by Michael Chabon, about how kids these days are missing out on the “wilderness of childhood”.
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/22891
Thanks for this link Patricia. I really enojyed reading this article.
I read something recently about how children who are allowed unsupervised play in nature grow up to be concerned about environmental issues, while children who have directed outdoor activities that are supervised (hunting was mentioned) do not develop the same concerns.
I’m so grateful for my time as a child in the woods at my grandparents’ and in the abandoned field and swamp near my home.
I just wanted to chime in on the library thing- as a family without a TV, we’re regulars at our highly used local library. Starting when my daughter was a little over 3, I felt comfortable leaving her in the children’s section and browsing the adult section nearby. Granted, she’s a quiet kid, will often sit and look at books on her own, and I trust her to find me easily (and not yell for me) if she needs/wants me. Our library is fairly small, so I can peek around the row and check on her, and she can find me pretty easily as well. But still, I think it’s up to the parent to decide if a child/youth is mature enough to be on their own somewhere, not some random age (I know some 5 year olds who I would not trust on their own at the same library, for noise and interaction with other people issues).
I love this article. Thank you. It reflects how I feel about our world today as well. I remember how I used to run wild around my home and outside its compound as well. But now, even though we still live in the city, it is deemed unsafe and now helicopter parenting is the norm. In fact, if you don’t, you’re deemed irresponsible.
I bring my son to the playground and let him play freely (with some rules agreed upon like no rough play, etc)beforehand such as taking turnsand he climbs everywhere. My observation is that helicoptered kids seem less daring and more fearful, probably because they are repeatedly told that they will fall. I never tell my son that, although everywhere I go, when someone sees him climbing, they will tell him that. I just tell him to hold on tight with his hands and he will never fall, and that is the rule of climbing.
While growing up, I read all the Enid Blyton books where the young adventurers would roam the countryside solving mysteries. I’ve always wanted that for my children, so I do my best with what I have.
What a great article. My baby girl is 1 now, and I too have been thinking about how to allow her a real childhood, without putting her at risk. My dad used to whistle out the front door when dinner was ready or I had to come home. Otherwise, it was lord of the flies, you figure out your own situations (bullies, friend issues, whatever) unless there was a real need to get a parent involved. I have always been responsible. I despise the fact that Sadie may not get the same free range that I did. I have to figure this out, time goes by so fast and before I know it I will have to confront these issues. I just hope and pray I do the right thing and resist my urge to be too overprotective. Oh, and is it just me that thinks bicycle helmets are really stupid? I ride 3-4 times per week on a road bike on the shoulder of a highway about 12 miles round trip. I have not stopped riding my bike on a regular basis since I was on my first tricycle. I have never worn a helmet, I have had plenty of crashes, but never hit my head. I tend to think our instinct in a crash or fall is to protect your head anyway, plus we have a naturally hard skull. You wouldn’t believe how much crap I get for not wearing one. Don’t get me wrong, I have one, a very expensive one at that, but I hate it and never wear it. I hate the fact that I will be viewed as a horrible parent if I choose not to get her one. How could I explain why mommy doesn’t wear one? Sorry for the rambling, but this whole conversation has got me thinking about the ridiculous saftey measures we go through. Thanks for letting me vent. Sincerely, Colleen
I live in Europe and we don’t have as many rules, but we tend to invent some every year. Bicycle helmets for kids make more sense than for adults, as their skulls really aren’t as hard… And their sense of balance is less developed. We bicycle everywhere. My son is seventeen months old and travels in the front bike seat. I’m already gathering courage to let him ride a bike beside me when he’s a few years older. This is a topic that really worries me: how to find balance between safe and overprotective.
I completely agree. I’m not as free with sending my kids out unsupervised though. My boy, when he was 5, was jumped by a 8 yr old and took his ice cream money. He pushed him down and began kicking him in the stomach. So we are more careful in this neighborhood. I wish they could play outside without stuff like this happening to them.