No, not mine. Zeb’s.
Erin’s post reminded me that I had never posted our own version of the same.
Many months ago, when I had made a brief mention on the blog of a project Zeb was working on then mentioned that fact to him, he was not so happy. That little tidbit suddenly thrust before his eyes the reality that lots of people read about him. People he doesn’t know. And that makes him very uncomfortable.
So, he asked me to not blog about him.
It’s a difficult situation, whether you’re talking about your child or your friend. Those of us that find something (connection, communication, an outlet – creative or emotional or both – or more) in blogging, blog from our own perspective. We delve into our experiences and emotions and thoughts with our own level of comfortable abandon. And everything within that perspective feels personal.
But the feeling is deceiving. Blogging isn’t personal because my life isn’t personal. It’s shared with an amazing husband and son with thoughts, emotions or perspectives of their own. What I may want to share from my own point-of-view may will look different from theirs. And if those two perspectives conflict (on the experience of the blogging of it), it’s obviously a problem.
NOT a picture of Zeb. Just my cold feet by my fake fire
getting ready to crochet a blankie for my sis.
I suppose it’s a bit of a double standard. I wouldn’t dream of blogging about a personal experience with a friend, but I so quickly forget my home life is not just my own. It belongs to them, too. So, while this is “my” blog, it also belongs to them in the sense of moderation.
I’m glad that Zeb was comfortable enough to ask me to refrain. And I’m also glad that when there is something I’m very excited to share, I may ask him and many times he will be fine with it. Especially when he feels it may inspire other families (he’s all about the advocacy these days).
So you may see (or have seen) lots of unschooling or parenting posts for me that seem heavy on the ”theory”, with less emphasis on practical, real-life examples of our experiences. And you may see very little about what Zeb is up to these days.
And there might be are some posts that I write out for my own purpose (I tend to work things out best in writing) but never publish because they contain private information I’m not at liberty to divulge.
But know that he is good and well and just not as publicly open as his mama. And also know that anything you see that mentions him, I write it in full respect of and with approval from my son. (My husband, thankfully, doesn’t mind.)
I always check with the boys too… because it IS about them, and their friends could find my blog pretty easily these days… (esp my oldest) just by googling my name.
I’m working on this – I know Eli is not a baby anymore and my goal is to always ask him. I’m getting far closer to the goal of always asking and that brings about a certain peace for me for which I am grateful.
I’m really glad you posted this, as it’s helped me make a decision I’ve been considering for sometime. When I started blogging I resolved never to refer to the children by their name, nor my husband by his full name, and not to give out too many details about where we are,and not to photograph the children either. As time has gone by, and I’ve made connections in the blogosphere, I’ve given out more info, and have really enjoyed reading blogs like yours, which have photos with you and your (gorgeous) family in. I started to feel that I wanted to be more personal and was seriously considering starting to include ‘identifying’ photos in my posts, but having read what you have to say, and how Zeb feels, I think I’m going to stick with my current way of doing things – my son is not quite old enough to know/care much at the moment, but it won’t be long before he and his friends can google, and I wouldn’t want him embarassed by what I write, or worse, teased or bullied. It’s hard to know what to do for the best, but I really respect your decision and how close you all are as a family that you can discuss this properly, and that everyone’s wishes are taken into account to find a solution that works for you all. You are, as always, an inspiration.
Thanks Julie! For Zeb he is usually less concerned about photos (he just wants to make sure they meet his standards of “good”!) and neither of them worry about identifying info. I guess he is just more introverted than I am. It’s a hard balance to strike, for sure and thankfully Zeb doesn’t want me to take down old posts.. But it’s great that you’ve got a head start. I’m sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness in the future.
I’m glad you posted this. Silas doesn’t mind me writing about him and at this age is really excited when he sees a picture of himself on the blog… but I do wonder, as he gets older… will he get less comfortable with it? Will I have to change how I do things to not violate his boundaries? I’ve been contemplating removing/editing any of the posts or tidbits that mention his bi-polar diagnosis. I’m getting to a point where yes, that label helps us in our family, to know how to best support him.
(continued) And while I really cherish that being open about his diagnosis has helped families in similar situations… it’s not my main focus. My main focus is him. And I don’t want that label to hurt him in his life instead of help… and by being so open, it could hurt people’s perception of him down the line.
This is great! I too ask my children before posting — so far they are all great about it!
I really love how we are able to process this together. Learning from one another’s families and experiences and checking in to see if it feels right on us or if something needs to change.
This whole social media thing is quite new and as we navigate it with our families I think the best thing we can do is to simply stay mindful and true to ourselves and those we love.
Thanks so much for sharing where you guys are at on this issue.
Hi, I´m a new reader to your blog, thanks for sharing what you do- PLUS your thoughtfulness regarding your son and husband- just- may I ask, how old Zeb ist?
Kind regards from Berlin, Germany,
Viola.