Between Halloween and the upcoming holidays, my thoughts are currently revolving around food and dietary choices and instinctual eating, especially in regards to Zeb.
We do not restrict his diet in any way. Nope, not even a little bit.
We shop at all-natural stores and fill the house with whole foods. But when we grocery shop I take him to a chain grocery store if he requests and buy whatever he wishes. He experiments and he makes healthy choices based on his own findings.
- Last month he wanted sugary cereal; the antithesis of every mother’s whole foods wish list. For three weeks he picked out boxes of cereal, from Cinnamon Toast Crunch to Trix. They were his breakfast and snack choices. Except the last box of Trix still sits abandoned in our cupboard and he’s back to eating whole foods.
- Halloween candy was enjoyed by all of us. He chose to give most of it to the Halloween Fairy in exchange for a Lego she left. But she always leaves the candy behind too and it’s still sitting there, untouched.
Zeb loves to have a “fruit bowl” on hand when he’s playing games or building Legos.
- A couple weeks ago he craved ice cream, so I purchased half a pint just for him. He had half a bowl and hasn’t touched the container since. At parties or holidays he rarely has more than a bite of ice cream or cake.
- His doctor has told him to avoid corn of any kind (from HFCS to chips). At first this annoyed him (he loves tortilla chips) but slowly he decided to stop eating it. He says he feels better and his throat isn’t so congested in the mornings.
Currently, his favorite foods are artichokes, pomegranates, raw cheese and milk, mangoes, gluten-free spaghetti, carrots, green smoothies, pizza and kiwis.
Is he the anomaly? The exception to the Sugar-Is-Addictive rule?
No. At least I don’t think so.
Monkey Platters are a fave: A tray with crackers, cheese, fruit and other snacks readily available for munching make snacks easy and self-serving.
Kids make healthy choices when they are allowed to experiment and listen to their bodies. I’ve seen this in Zeb and many, many other kids. Yes, some foods have addictive qualities, especially refined sugars. But I’m a firm believer in the emotional addictiveness of food, over the physical.
Children who are overly limited, told when to eat and what, those expected to be part of the Clean Plate Club, all grow up with befuddled messages around food. They confuse their bodies signals with the signals of their parents or culture.
But kids raised within the safety of healthy family end up with a healthy self-image. Kids who’s decisions and trials are supported learn to choose wisely at a young age. Children who’s parents do not attach guilt, blame or negative emotion to food learn to enjoy eating and will allow their bodies to naturally gravitate toward healthy foods.
Our bodies want healthy foods. But our emotions may tell us otherwise.
He likes green smoothies more than I do:
Half spinach and half citrus fruits with a bit of water.
All that is needed to instill a healthy relationship with food is Trust and guidance. Filling our homes with balanced, nutritious foods, creating family rituals of eating together in laughter and peace, showing appreciation for our meals and TRUSTING and SUPPORTING our children when they want to experiment with other routes.
A healthy, happy child (physically and emotionally) will and should experiment. And a healthy, happy child will always find what is best for them.
Hmm…
I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe we should worry less about what is going into their bellies, and more about what is going into their hearts.
**I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe we should worry less about what is going into their bellies, and more about what is going into their hearts.**
I love this! Great, great line!
This is a great article! My girls are allergic to both red #40 and blue #1, but after years of banning it from their diet, I decided to let them go all out, with the caveat that they knew what id did to them, and they would have to watch for, and control the effects.
Three years down the road now, they still eat their allergens from time to time, but they are careful, keep track of their reactions themselves, and are enjoying life a lot more than they would be if I restricted their diets myself.
Thanks for sharing your insight. I may have to implement freedom in diet a little more effectively from now on, in other areas of food. *smile*
Thank you for this!! I was starting to waver on the whole “baby-led weaning” thing (letting them choose what to eat) when he started asking for lots of cheese, ignoring certain vegetables, and wanting seconds and thirds of sweets. But then I decided to keep trusting my child, and I can see he is still making good food choices. It’s so important to have all those fresh, whole foods available, though! It’s great to read that a ten year old who knows all about sugary foods will still choose healthy ones.
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i too love this post and the pictures are gorgeous!
i have to admit that although i eat very well, i do have an addiction to chocolate!! i really have to have none in the house otherwise i will eat it until it is gone!!! i have been pondering on how this is for my little one and am not sure where i sit with it….i guess i am worried that she will pick up my addiction if i allow it
@Lisa C, there will always be times of doubt, days when they tend to gravitate toward one thing and other days toward another. But who’s to say that’s not more normal than balancing every single meal? And there will always be times when they experiment with less than optimal food choices. I think Zeb needs to remind himself what he’s not missing.
Here! here!
We are non-restrictive and I love watching the pendulum swing. Today he ordered a large ice cream Sunday with hot fudge and gummi bears. He ate most of it and I could tell on the ride home he didn’t feel good. He spent the rest of the afternoon with a queasy stomach and told me, “I should of just gotten a scoop in the cone.” He’s fulfilled his dreamy desire for a giant sundae and probably won’t get another for a good long time. Nothing like learning it for yourself.
The other day we were on our way to the laundromat and I took him into a cafe to grab a snack to bring. I was listing pizza bagels and there were all sorts of candy on the rack. He went over to the salad bar and insisted on a big take-out container of just leafy greens. No dressing, nothing. He crunched the whole thing down.
If they don’t learn to find balance on their own they’ll forever be bouncing around based on other’s opinions of what they should and shouldn’t be eating. Just look at all the diet crazes.
I’m impressed! I always wondered how I would handle food if I have kids in the future. I WANT to do this, but a little part of me is afraid to give them too much freedom. I’m inspired by this post, however! Wouldn’t it be great to raise a child who didn’t have my issues with food? I’m really glad to have read about your success with this!!
“emotional addictiveness of food” Heck yes. And just the general issues around it. Our current situation is an almost 19th month old still mostly on milk. Will try solids but is very picky and goes off them almost entirely when teething. Lots of pressure from external sources. I refuse to make food an issue. REFUSE. I offer it and SHE chooses how much and what. I admit that I won’t offer sweets for the longest time. But when she’s fully aware of what they are, then they’ll have to be an option.
Meant to add… that when they’re older, if a sweet addiction develops (because some children do have a sweeter tooth than others and as you point out sugar IS addictive), then if we have established a healthy attitude towards food (i.e, no pressure), then kids will be more open to chatting with us about choices.
AND…. food issues don’t develop solely because of food battles. Children can turn to food for any reason. But if food isn’t an issue, there’s a better chance of dealing with it.
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[...] to the conclusion, at the ripe age of six, to become a vegetarian. Then, The Organic Sister posted this entry about her son’s eating habits and how he has been free to eat whatever he wants, yet mostly [...]
Thank you for this! We’re in the middle of a move and whole food has been tossed out the window for convenience, which has left a couple junk-food addicts where my kids once stood. I’ve been really fretting over their eating habits and how to change them, but this took all the fear away.
Ji
I recently found your blog,and first off, wanted to say how much I enjoy it, and how inspiring I’m finding it. I guess I’m trying to follow many similar paths to you (peaceful parenting, although unschooling for various reasons isn’t for my son; my daughter’s only 2 so we’ll see with her, living ‘green’ etc, but am only at the baby steps stage, so it’s lovely to read about what you do, and has given me so much to think about.
Completely agree with your post here, am sure restrictions on food result in so many of the food/diet issues in later life. Am interested though – do you have set meals, where you all sit down together, or do you each decide what you have and whether you come to the table ? Whilst I’d like the children to have freedom when it comes to making food choices, I do also like us to all come together to eat our meals.
Sorry for such a long comment, by the way!!
@Yoga Witch, there was hesitation on our part too. It’s natural, especially when we’re taught (as children ourselves) that kids are incapable of rational, wise decisions. But when the time comes you’ll be surprised how easily the issue takes care of itself.
It makes me feel like sugar’s addictive qualities are most likely to bother people in need of an addiction to fill a void.
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@Mon, Zeb totally has a sweet tooth! But he also totally knows how to moderate it himself.
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@Summer, I lived with my mom growing up and we alsways ate well. When I was 13 I moved in with my dad and step-family and I am NOT joking, they ate out *at least* once a day! We never ate together, usually around the TV or in separate rooms. I LOVED it for a couple MONTHS. Then I started craving my mom’s homecooked dinners and eating out got on my nerves. I started grocery shopping, making dinner myself and serving it at the table! They may love it now too, but I’d bet their bodies will soon tell them otherwise.
@Julie, we tend to have set meals and eat together. We always have, so it is just part of our rhythm. BUT if I cook something Zeb doesn’t like, he has the option to have something else (and will usually make it himself). Same goes for us of course. Sometimes we have HandsOn night where we all eat “whatever we can get our hands on”, whenever we’re hungry. And if he doesn’t want to eat with us at the table he doesn’t have to, although he’s never chosen to eat elsewhere (but he does occasionally choose to eat later).
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I really enjoy our meals together too and would be disppointed without them. But I also know making a fuss about it will only cause more tension and increase his desire to avoid family dinners! I think the key is to do what *we* (the parents) love because *we* love it and allow that to be an inspiration to our kids, even if on occasion our kids experiment with others ways to do things.
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One other thing, I can’t see the purpose of forcing him down when he wants to be up (which I imagine would just make him antsy if he *needs* to move) or making him eat when he’s not hungry (which can lead to eating disorders).
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Does that answer your question?
As with many other readers this was a timely post for me. I am usually struggling with what my 2yo eats. Struggling in that I wish he would eat more vegetables but I let him eat whatever he asks for (O’s, yogurt, pasta, toast, banana – lots of carbs and fruit!)in the hopes that his choices will continue to grow as he does.
yes, yes, and yes. when I started focusing on mealtime being a fun and meaningful gathering time– instead of a fight to get picky eaters to try new foods or an exhaustive marathon of cooking everyone separate meals– something amazing happened:: my children started trying (and liking) new foods AND we all began to look forward to meals! I’m going back over to my blog to link this in my inspired section:)
Awesome post, thanks so much!
I love your attitude on food with the littles. It really makes a lot of sense. I have been a vegetarian for 21 years now and find my girls following in my diet choices. Fauna is diehard set on no meat, Araina has had her curious moments and has tried lobster and ham; came out of her mouth as soon as it hit the tastebuds.
So, what I’m trying to say is that I agree, it should be their choice and learning to listen to their body is the best thing we as parents can do for our kids.
lisa
great post! we adopted the same attitude and philosophy regarding food. your right. it’s not an issue if the parent does not make it one. i watch my two small children every day make their own food choices according to what their body needs. somedays that means lots of fruit, yogurt and cereal. other days it could mean ice cream for breakfast and a green smoothie for lunch with frozen blueberries on the side. i never what they’ll come up with, but i trust that they know and that it’s exactly what they need.
I love this! This is really good food for thought for me. My boys love healthy eating for the most part–especially they love fruit and will eat tons of it. My husband insists that we be restrictive about sugar, though. I really like what you say about the emotional side of it . . . Will be thinking about this post for a while. Thank you!
@Mary Beth, Husband’s can be the hardest. My husband swears if given the chance he would’ve played video games and ate sugar all day long, so he finds it very hard to believe when Zeb doesn’t. But how can he know that’s really what he would’ve done if he was never trusted to do anything different? It’s like the John Holt quote:
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“To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.”
YUM for green smoothies and kids (and adults!). Today, mine had water, organic raspberries, organic kiwi, and organic sunflower sprouts. So nutritious!!!!
Cheers,
Kristen
I really liked this post — though we’re not all the way there, yet. I wouldn’t say I’m totally controlling things, but I kind of go in and out. Like, “Sure, you can eat ice cream whenever!” but then I hear myself asking them if they didn’t like dinner, are they really full, have they eaten enough protein, etc.
My husband and I have different ideas about unfooding, so that can also make it tricky for me. But I’m realizing I want to step WAY back. I’m grateful for this great post as a good reminder for me.
Blessings,
Stacy
I really love this post, matter-a-fact I really enjoy lots of your posts. You seem to be living the ’style’ of life I am working to get at … I just seem to be slower at it than some. I am having to really learn (by teaching myself) to be the natural parent that I want to be. Your blog is very inspiring to me.
Now to figure out how to make the changes in my home with six children!
Thank you for this post. It is so tempting to make sure my son eats up everything or has a balanced meal. But you’re right, all we can do is put healthy choices in the home and trust him to know his own body. I must remember that.
I just realized you can put spinach in smoothies and you can’t even taste it. Steve doesn’t like to eat much green, but he loves my smoothies, so this is a great discovery. Any other ideas?
One day I will be this calm about food! It seems that it is mostly about trust. Trust in our children and their intrinsic knowledge of their own bodies needs. Where I stumble is in knowing how much freedom to give. As a parent I feel I must guide to some extent especially when the children are little and depend on me to make the right choices. Did you find this changed for you when Z. got a little older?
crystine, yes and no. when Z was a baby and toddler and didn’t quite understand the cause-and-effect principle we were obviously making more decisions for him. but when he was 3 he could easily equate too much candy with a bellyache and listened to his body when it craved veggies. we were definitely there guiding – and some of that just came from what he was exposed to; young kids hardly know the options or care to know – but it was never a control issue. as he got older, he wanted to push his own limits a bit more, which can be hard to witness. i think the only real challenge was in watching him push his personal boundaries, as well as my own doubts and fears as he approaches puberty, as i was raised to think teens are incapable of acting and judging responsibly. i know that is false and based on kids never given the ability and trust to learn such skills but it still rears its ugly head from time to time.
I just wanted to say that your monkey platters are absolutely gorgeous. You’ve inspired me to pretty mine up a bit.
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