I spent yesterday in what was perfect weather working in the yard. Turning compost, transplanting strawberries, still trying to fix that nitrogen problem with bat guano this time, watching runner beans grow, trying to figure out what is eating my plum tree. Pulling my neighbor’s weeds.
Yeah, that’s right. I pulled her weeds. Not because I’m such a great neighbor. Not because I am particularly close with this neighbor or saw she needed help. The real reason I chapped my hands was that I had gone outside on Monday and seen her, donned in gloves and a mask, spraying herbicide over what her son had just weed whacked. Problem number one was that weed whacking those 3 foot suckers sent bits and pieces and seeds all over the place and undoubtedly into my yard. Number two is obvious. She’s spraying a chemical killer and was working her way towards our property line.
I walked up and said hello. I explained that I had heirloom seeds planted along our property line and if she didn’t mind, I’d be happy to pull those weeds on the other side of her driveway to avoid my runner beans being harmed. She was amiable and agreed, explaining she had already sprayed that side once and was careful not to get too close but wouldn’t spray again if I would pull.
Already sprayed? 
I was deflated to say the least, but I figured I could at least prevent more contamination and pull the stubs of weeds. I collected several buckets full and the work was easier than I thought it would be, probably because they were already giving up their foothold on living.
Then I saw the carnage. Hundreds of lifeless rollie-pollies. Curled up. Dead. Those rollie-pollies – although sometimes annoying when they eat my strawberries – are an indicator of soil health, showing me her poor neglected dirt lawn may have had some hope with some compost or manure. I was sad – for them and for the microbes beneath them.
Then I saw the ladybugs. The ladybugs that we had released a couple weeks ago. The ladybugs that had been in hiding and we didn’t know where. Now I know. They were hiding out in her waist-high weeds. Now they are dead; no longer bright red; legs curled up.
I was so angry. At first I was angry at her. Angry that someone so religious doesn’t see the importance of Gd’s biological wonder: of microbes and bugs and even weeds. Then I was angry at the weed killer that also killed my precious ladybugs and angry that this dangerous stuff is even still legal. But mostly I was angry at myself. Angry I hadn’t said something to her earlier. Angry that she didn’t know we had released ladybugs. Angry that I hadn’t realized they would be hiding in her dandelions. Angry that I have no relationships with my neighbors. Neighbors I used to be related to, have even lived with. Neighbors that used to be married to my dad.
Of all my neighbors, I only remember one person’s name. My former step-mom’s. But we never talk. Never say hello or even wave. She pulls into her garage and closes the door before she’s out of her vehicle. I wave to other neighbors but I don’t know their names or their stories. More and more renters move in, less and less people come outdoors. No BBQs or block parties. No smiles or chit-chat. The families with kids have all moved away leaving a quiet street drained of any playful or friendly energy.
I went inside, washed my hands and my tools, and had more than a moment of silence for the lost: the microbes, the rollie-pollies, the ladybugs, the all-American neighborhood. All lost because we’ve stopped making small talk over fences.
I'm Tara Wagner, life coach and creator of the Digging Deep process, where I coach women out of survival mode to recreate their lives and families.
Oh no! That totally sucks Tara! Do you think you have contaminated soil?
I don’t know. With the trellis up and bricks along the bottom to seperate our property line better (you can kinda see that in the photo) and her “being careful” I’m hoping nothing was sprayed *on* our side. How much it leaches thru the soil is another matter – I don’t know. Being that they are untreated heirloom seeds, I should see soon if there is any damage done to my side of things.
I saw you over at Swiss Army Wife and thought I would stop by and say *hi*
It’s always great to meet an unschooler
oh my gosh! I am so sorry. It can be so frustrating to have such parallel paradigms happening at once- right in your back yard. I remember you releasing those lovely ladybugs.
(((((hug))))))
Thanks!
I used to allow anonymous comments and I got dissed by someone who wouldn’t own up
That was awhile ago, I could change it back. I realize people who don’t have a google id can’t comment.
Ooooh, that is rough. We are so lucky with neighbors in general. Everyone knows each other, everyone stops to chat, in the summer I feel like hiding if I’m in the garden because every person walking by has to stop to chit-chat. ;P BUT even many people I know in the neighborhood use lawn chemicals. I put myself on the notification list for spraying, since I have HORRIBLE allergies to any of that stuff, but got depressed when I would literally get calls daily just for my block (they only notify based on each individual address I entered on the form). Our next door neighbor did stop after I had a bad reaction a few summers back, and after realizing that I am growing FOOD. But … so many still do. I do the newsletter for our neighborhood association and intentionally put articles about how bad that stuff is for kids, pets, our lakes, our groundwater, and hope that it has changed a few minds. And while I am rambling on in your comments, ;P, does it drive you nuts to see people spraying that junk on yards that THEY NEVER EVER EVER are in and NEVER use?
I would be sad and frustrated too – hope things turn for the better with all that…
Just popped in to say hi and thanks for your beautiful comment at my place. You have such a lovely weblog here. I’ve always liked this template. I’m bookmarking you and will be back
Wow. I’ve only visited your website a few times (I’m from MDC!), and this particular post really moved me. From the hard work being compromised, to the massacre of the sensitive and important ecosystem in your garden, and the poignant reflection of the lack of community in your neighborhood. I’m moved.
Yes, great point. How much can we make right if we cultivated our relationships as much as our gardens?
Hope your soil is saved. That’s so annoying when you’ve been woking so hard.
This is the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning.
I can’t help but think about how by volunteering to finish the weeding you found the lost ladybugs. I bet your neighbor would have never noticed, but because you are walking this path you have your eyes opened to it and that can be difficult, but it’s so important.
You know how when you are suffering, just having someone acknowledge your suffering and holding your hand can help ease the pain. Well, somehow by choosing this sustainability role you have become an earth steward which makes you privy to even the littlest of calamities (and of course we know how big of a calamity pesticide use really is). Long story short: being aware of the ladybugs and holding space for the death of the ladybugs eases global suffering and helps shift us towards a more conscious and ecologically healthy way of being as a global community. So thank you for that.
(ha! this is what I was thinking lying in bed at 6 am!)
Does anyone else have trouble leaving longer messages. I have a hard time maneuvering around the box once my message becomes longer than the box.
Is this a subliminal message to leave shorter messages
I’m sorry that sucks! I hear you on the lack of community connection, its something that I struggle with bunches. I struggle with my own hermit-like tendencies and wanting to reach out at the same time. Thankfully right now I’m blessed with good neighbors and while we don’t get together all that often we do help each other out when needed. But community is more than just our immediate neighbors, isn’t it? Oy, its a struggle and I wish I could find a solution.
Oh, how sad! All of it. Such a heavy toll.
Oh no, how saddening and frustrating for you. I hope the damage isn’t too bad. Living in an urban environment myself, and sharing fence lines with 4 neigbours, I understan how frustrating it must be. I often wonder how my neighbours’ decisions affect what I am trying to do here. I’m slowly (and rather slyly) trying to educate them about the choices we make and why.
You bring up something our Realtor told us was “Las Vegas Life” aka the lack of a close knit neighborhood. He told us that most likely no one will talk, help eachother or become friends. “Its just how Vegas works” was his exact words. I found this odd, strange and sad. Since moving into our house we have talked to 2 neighbors. One came zooming over within minutes of us pulling in the drive, she asked a few questions, bombarded me with tons of random info and never has come by again. Maybe I should take her an Easter basket…The other J talked to for an approvial of our patio cover. Thats all, no welcome to the neighborhood or nothin. Its crazy. Things were A LOT different in Belgium and Germany. A lot.
Although I think people are more disconnected from their neighbors now, I also think it’s worse in Las Vegas. People aren’t out side as much. In Oregon, everyone would be out front doing their yard work on the weekend, or you’d hire the kid down the street to mow, you take your dogs for a walk in the evenings. It makes it easy to chat with your neighbors. People don’t do that here. It’s just a very different environment.
And I’m sorry about your soil and lady bugs:(
P.S. Can I link to your blog from my blog?
Sorry for that sad realisation. I also get saddened by our neighbourhood. I want to be friendly, to hold block parties etc etc but most of the neighbours can’t stand each other or are considered drug dealers (I don’t know if they are or not, it’s just what the neighbour nextdoor to me says). I would have really liked to do a little ‘newsletter’ for just our street as it is a crescent road and its like its own little community but I got put off doing it when I heard about the neighbours not liking each other.
Hillary, thanks for thinking of me while you lie in bed. (wait, what?)
Yes there is a glich in this template – well many actually – but esp when it comes to leaving long comments and scrolling thru it. I’m not sure how to fix it.
I really like the newsletter a few of you mentioned. We are one long street, just a smallish neighborhood. I’ll have to think on that some more. Things are so transient now, so many renters. It would be interesting to reach out to them.