I’ve written several drafts on this subject to date but have yet found a way to voice my heart on the matter. My thoughts flit from one aspect to another assumption. I imagine the reactions and possible judgment I am told to expect. But more and more, my heart feels ready to slowly step forward.
For years now I’ve admired from afar anyone with the commitment to do what I’m about to do. As as often as a voice inside me would whisper a longing for a journey I didn’t understand, I timidly backed away from any foothill of such radical change.
But now, as I attempt to step more in tune with Source and Earth, I feel an undeniable pull toward something that seems silly to consider a “calling”. But I know it is a calling, and it’s one I’m no longer able nor want to ignore.
I’m going to dreadlock my hair. And the emotions that follow such a choice are nearly overwhelming. The fear of commitment, the excitement and anticipation and the anxiety over admitting this to loved ones create a haze around my thoughts.
Dreadlocks are a commitment to me. The more I research and learn the more I am beginning to understand exactly why I’m being pulled to this, and committing to the arduous journey of patience and acceptance that lie ahead of me is intimidating. My personality does not normally afford me this much time to think things through. When something appeals to me, I jump in head first and swim in the new choice, learning about it as I go. I’m not really much of a preparer, I guess you could say. And although hesitation doesn’t exactly fit my current mode, I feel this is bigger and deeper than most other decisions and deserves more careful traversing.
The excitement and anticipation; well that’s more closely to the real me trying to hold on until the urge to jump feels right. When I see another person with locks, I want so badly to say “Me too!”. When I walk into a store or ride my bike or talk politics, I want people to see that radical side of my personality. I love the idea of dreadlocks breaking down stereotypes. Because really, how many Libertarian-Republicans have dreadlocks? I want dreadlocks to show one more aspect of my hidden soul and force people to look beyond the outer shell to see the Person inside. I want to be a part of opening a person’s eyes and heart, helping others see their judgment and opening minds to the possibility of living outside the box.
And then comes the anxiety. I’m told to expect some negative reactions, from strangers on the street to loved ones who disagree. Justin is fully behind this journey. He understands where my heart is and fully supports this choice. He’s even looking forward to it and is sweet enough to say he thinks it’ll be sexy. But my real fear lies with my family members or friends. I do have great people in my life and am sure most will support me (after a season of initial reaction). But the worry is still there. Most of our family gets great pleasure over relentlessly teasing a person. It’s always in good fun and usually their way of showing support. But my choice to do this feels deeper than superficial mocking will allow and that is something I hope they’ll understand.
This is something I will do. I’ve decided to wait for my bangs to grow longer and in the meantime am preparing for what I may encounter in this atypical choice. After spending some time meditating on this I feel as though Source has begun to show me more of the purpose behind it. “Patience” keeps reverberating through my ears, as does the release of judgment. But as to what will actually surface, only time will tell.
I'm Tara Wagner, life coach and creator of the Digging Deep process, where I coach women out of survival mode to recreate their lives and families.
yay! i have spent the last year going back and forth about dreads and have finally decided to go for it. if i don’t it will be something i always regretted.
are you on the mothering.com discussion board? there is a dready mamas thread (and a whole unschooling section too) in case you want to check it out.
are you doing it yourself? i’m desperately trying to find someone near me to do it but i haven’t had any luck yet. aren’t you dying to buy (or make) stuff like this?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=10173724
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=10802905
to me it’s such a personal thing, and such a statement about rejecting society’s idea of what i *should* look like. yeah, very cool. can’t wait to see yours!
i don’t have bangs, but my hair is only barely past my shoulders so i kind of want to wait till it’s all longer.
if i could find someone to do it, i’d have it done right away though. i’m so nervous to do it myself, i’ve never been good at hair styling stuff. i’m thinking of asking my husband or sister to do it but i don’t know that they are up for it and don’t want to put them on the spot.
Sweet! When are you doing yours? We’ll have to keep each other updated on how it’s going.
I am on mothering.com but rarely have time to visit. I’ve seen their dread thread and have read thru most of it.
I don’t think I’m going to do it myself. I’d like to; I think it wouold be more symbolic that way but I will probably have a friend or my husband do it with me.
And yes I’ve scoped out etsy awesome hair bands. I already have one scarf that makes an awesome wrap and can’t wait to get and make more.
I can totally relate to the feeling of rejecting society’s image problem. I thnk that is wrapped up in what I’m doing to. I’m really swimming in a sea of thoughts on the subject and will probably have to blog about the rest of them soon just to get it off my chest.
When do you plan to do yours? Do you have bangs as well?
Wow! I’m not doing dreads, but you’ve inspired me to start pulling my hair! Haha! My hair grows so slow! Thanks for the tip.
I have a great tip I learned in massage school for making your hair grow fast. First, while washing your hair massage the scalp really, really well. This isn’t to get it clean but to brings the circulation to the scalp which stimulates the growth. (Doing it while shampooing is just a simple way to remember.)
Second, (do this one when it’s dry) takes sections of hair, tiwst them and tug. This also stimulates the scalp circulation.
I’ve been doing this for about 3-4 weeks and my bangs have already grown an inch. When I did it before my wedding, it grew about 6 inches in just a few months. The tugging can give you a headache if you’re tenderheaded though, esp if you tug too hard. If you’re too tenderheaded, stick with massaging it. Better yet, convince the hubby o massage it. It’s heavenly. :]
You don’t really need to wait for length. Dread it up and add on some extension hair. My dreaddies are all synthetic, but you can get human hair if you prefer.
I’m excited for you. I know you’ve mentioned before that you love dreads. I can’t wait to see them!
Totally be prepared for the judgement. And stares, odd comments, and general rudeness. People will assume that you have no manners (or feelings) and will treat you poorly. I’ve had my dreads almost a year now and I still get garbage. Even my family wonders what’s wrong with me
What’s sustainable about dreads? Really short hair requires no wasted time, no “product”, etc. Please tell me how this is anything but a way to scream for attention “look, I’m different, just like the other million middle class white chicks with dreads”
>> My dreaddies are all synthetic,
Wow, now THAT’S sustainability!
Oh no, wait, it’s vanity and childish posturing
Anonymous: Thank you for your opposing comments. It’s good for me to know what I’m up against when doing this and what to expect from people I don’t know. (I’m aassuming I don’t know you but maybe I’m wrong and you feel you just can’t say to me what you can write anonymously?)
To answer your question: I don’t recall saying that locking my hair had anything to do with sustainability. My goal in *life* is simply following my heart and listening to where it takes me – whether that means locking my hair or planting vegetables in my backyard.
To further answer your question, maybe part of it will scream I’m different, although I don’t know exactly how much I’m looking forward to that seeing as how many responses will likely be similar to yours. lol
I’m sorry you feel the need to spread your negativity and I don’t really know what agenda you’re trying to promote through it. But I hope I’ve answered your question and I hope you choose to have a beautiful day. :]
Peace,
T.
Wow Tara, thanks for taking my thoughts straight out of my head and putting them down on paper for me to understand them better! I felt/feel about my locs many of the same ways as you do. I have learned that as the journey continues, there are many lessons to be learned from having your hair locked, not just the initial ones we had pictured.
Unfortunately I just recently gave in to those ‘outside voices’ in my head, you know – all the negative things people are thinking about me, whether real or imagined, and took my dreads out. I will be dread-less for about 2 months and then they will be going back in (this next one will be round #5 for me) – there is still sooo much to learn
)
Thanks for sharing!!
Cheryl, I’m sorry you took them out before *you* were ready to. I saw your pics on Flickr and they looked amazing. I hope you can redo them when the time is right for you.
I am certainly learning many lessons from having my dreads. And I’m excited to see what is in store for me down the road.
Ah, Tara, you are a balm to my questing spirit, as usual.
A ‘calling’ is exactly how I’d describe it. I’m doing my research now and have a willing friend to help me dread my hair…which is currently a deeply-overgrown short hair cut. I’ve known for months that I didn’t want to cut it short again, but didn’t know why. I’m a very DIY girl when it comes to my hair….always preferring to cut it myself. And part of the process of understanding that I wanted to dread it was stepping outside my comfort zone and asking my friend to help.
For me part of the spiritual aspect can be understood in this context. It’s that natural progression from Dependence to Independence to Inter-Dependence. Make sense?
Anyway, still reading and deciding when and how to start the process. I see lots of products out there and am still wading through what I really need. Especially since, like all else in my life (with the exception of yarn shopping) I like to be DIY-frugal.
As for why? I can only say it the way I feel it:
I want my outer self to more accurately represent my inner self.
peace,
Mary
“force people to look beyond the outer shell to see the Person inside.”
That’s exactly what draws me to them, but I am definitely not ready yet.
“I love the idea of dreadlocks breaking down stereotypes. Because really, how many Libertarian-Republicans have dreadlocks?”
i’m not libertarian or republican–just politically/socially conservative–and i had dreads for a while for this same reason. plus i simply felt much more comfortable with myself for some reason. i miss them very much but, alas, it’s even harder than normal to have dreads when one’s going bald.
just sort of stumbled on your blog but will be reading more later. hope your dreads are still going strong.
I just read this aloud to my husband, who bugged his eyes out and said, “wow! This was exactly what you went though when you got dreads!” I literally had some of the exact same feelings you are having. I had my dreads for a year and I took them out. My reasons were not for the reactions that I got, however, but bc they just weren’t looking like I wanted them to. I wasn’t patient enough. I literally was still having to wear a scarf bc they just looked like a jumbled mess. I just did not have anyone close enough to help me do them. Hubby did his best, but they just never started to look like “dreads” but more like really bad bed head! Lol!
good luck on your journey sister!! –Sara
I am also heading back in this direction as I just birthed our 7th baby 2 months ago. It is our last bc of medical reasons and I am feeling this gigantic shift towards earth as well. I told hubby that after we had this baby I wanted to dread up again, and he’s all for it! I will be excited to follow you on this journey, and I am excited to embark on my own again!
I did have a few funky reactions to my dreads last time, but most people weren’t surprised as they all think we’re dirty hippies anywaY bc we garden and homeschool and are vegans! Lol!
I think you will love them and I think and hope you will be surprised that people won’t be as negative as you think. People like “anonymous” above are very few and far between.
I’m not sure if you realized this was an old post or not. My dread journey is over now, but you can follow it all here: http://theorganicsister.com/tag/dreadlocks/