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Satisfaction Lies in the Effort

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida tortor, vel interdum mi sapien ut justo. Nulla varius consequat magna, id molestie ipsum volutpat quis. Suspendisse consectetur fringilla suctus. Pellentesque ipsum erat, facilisis ut venenatis eu, sodales vel dolor. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida tortor, vel interdum mi sapien ut justo. Nulla varius consequat magna, id molestie ipsum volutpat quis. Suspendisse consectetur fringilla suctus. Pellentesque ipsum erat, facilisis ut venenatis eu, sodales vel dolor. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida tortor, vel interdum mi sapien ut justo. Nulla varius consequat magna, id molestie ipsum volutpat quis. Suspendisse consectetur fringilla suctus. Pellentesque ipsum erat, facilisis ut venenatis eu, sodales vel dolor. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida…

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One Bag of Tricks = One Thankful Stranger (and a whole lot of emotion)

It’s crazy how much this topic makes my heart pound and my stomach clench. My body was betraying me when it all went down yesterday and it has done it every time I think about it since, most especially as I try to relate it all to you. Obviously there are some things to DIG IN to here for me. It all went down yesterday at Target. Zeb and I had just left our mama-son move date (Thor, if you’re curious) and were looking at bedroom furniture ideas for his new room, but of course that meant a detour through the LEGO/YuGiOh section of the toy department first. As we’re standing there looking at droids, and speeders, and things I can’t remember the name of to save my life, I heard a tiny little guy from one aisle over crying loudly. Now as a mama, my heart aches when any…

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It’s Like Nesting (Without Any Eggs)

I have a totally awesome reason for not blogging last week. We moved into a house. Yup, yup, 3.5 years on the road are being tucked into the Awesome Things We’ve Done file and we are literally sprawling out on the floors, and marveling that 1) no one has to step over us to get to something and 2) our hands don’t reach the walls. It’s the little things, people. Little things like a a full-size oven (homemade pizza and muffins! at the same time!), a backyard for Bear to sniff his little heart out, a full-size water heater so my showers can last a full five minutes without going cold, and a dishwasher that doesn’t complain that we make too many dishes. It’s still a small house, only 1300 square feet, but it feels like a freaking palace. Zeb has a bedroom (the only room already filled to the…

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Imagination Encircles the World

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida tortor, vel interdum mi sapien ut justo. Nulla varius consequat magna, id molestie ipsum volutpat quis. Suspendisse consectetur fringilla suctus. Pellentesque ipsum erat, facilisis ut venenatis eu, sodales vel dolor. Nullam dictum felis eu pede mollis pretium. Integer tincidunt. Cras dapibus. Vivamus elementum semper nisi. Aenean vulputate eleifend tellus. Aenean leo ligula, porttitor eu, consequat vitae, eleifend ac, enim. Aliquam lorem ante, dapibus in, viverra quis, feugiat a, tellus. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Morbi sagittis, sem quis lacinia faucibus, orci ipsum gravida tortor, vel interdum mi sapien ut justo. Nulla varius consequat magna, id molestie ipsum volutpat quis. Suspendisse consectetur fringilla luctus. Fusce id mi diam, non ornare orci. Pellentesque ipsum erat, facilisis ut venenatis eu, sodales vel dolor.

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Granny, Life, and Breaking Open

Let me just lay it out for you: Life is speaking loudly to me and the bedrock is shifting drastically beneath my feet. I can’t see it all, but I feel it and I just want to let you know. It’s going to change me. We got the text last Tuesday that Granny (my great-grandma) may not make it to her 99th birthday at the end of this month. That my grandparents were flying out, my aunt’s already there, my mom making plans. It’s funny how often we can second-guess our instincts in some times and how easy it is to see and understand in others. This moment I knew quicker than instantly that I was going too. Within an hour I had a car rented, and plans made to drive north. My heart kept holding an image of her hands in my hands. I didn’t know what to expect,…

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Self-Discovery Beyond Words: Art Journaling with the Pros

I really thought Connie might be crazy when she contacted me to join the 21 Secrets art journaling crew for 2014*. I mean, I’m not exactly well-versed or professional. I don’t know techniques, and I have no artistic tips to share. I’m not even consistent in my own practice. And thankfully she wasn’t looking for that. Instead she invited me to be the “wild card”, to share my process, how I use art journaling as part of my Digging Deep, my spiritual inner work, and my processing of Life in general. And I said yes before I could say no, before the intimidation factor of working beside these beautiful women told me to crawl into a creative hole and die. It was a beautiful step for me, owning that I am in fact an artist; that I do love to express our inner work through color and texture and images….

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Free To Never Notice

I shaved my head again last week. It wasn’t in a moment of enlightenment or courage this time. It didn’t bring with it all the ecstasy and liberation. This time it was done out of frustration toward myself, almost like “pulling my hair out”. I had noticed how attached I had become to my hair, how much I cared about how it was looking, what it portrayed, and what others might think about it. And that pissed me off. Old patterns die hard, and even after several years of feeling free of that one, it had snuck back in. And I was not okay with that. I was angry. Mostly at myself. So out of anger, I shaved it all off again. Like I said I didn’t feel so liberated and joyful this time around. Instead I felt horrible, ugly, and full of self-hatred. Yes, self-hatred – as I witnessed…

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Shit surfaces. That’s okay.

“Shit surfaces. Watch it. Laugh at the silliness of it. Breathe through it. DIG IN. Dance it off. Make friends with it. Talk to it. But most of all, don’t take it seriously. It’s just a function of our minds. The point isn’t to fight it off or try to make it go away. The point is to learn how to let it come and let it go.” These words come from a great convo with a friend, colleague, and client. It might just be the hardest thing to learn. Shit does and will surface. But with practice it ceases to feel like shit, and just starts being “stuff”. It’s like meditation: Buddha didn’t have NO thoughts cross the mind during meditation, just no attachment to those thoughts. One of the meditations I practice uses these words about thoughts (i.e. “shit”)…”Let them come. Let them ALL come. And let them go.”…

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A Game of Gravity

hers is a game of gravity of keeping each object just beyond her fingertips constantly orbiting the radius of those wounds hers is the dance of a well-protected heart the dance of push-pull like the wrong end of the magnet that wants to flip, attach but erratically dances under the grip of a well-trained hand hers is the rejection of rejection the compulsion of revulsion the comfort of discomfort that wraps around those shoulders to maintain what has become a wonderland within reaffirming the story that she tells that the tower is safer than the mote and much more tragically romantic [Photo Source]

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My Retreat Turned Into Retreating

I’ve got my feet up, my heart out, my head on. I’m not sure if I’m ready or just resolute, but I’m on my way. Confronting my resistance with 7 days of all day, every day meditation. It might blow my mind to bits. But that might be a good thing. That was the photo and those were the words rattling around within me Friday. Right before I turned my phone off, handed it to my hubby, and arrived at the ashram. I’m not sure how to describe the week that followed. People like to ask if I “had a good time”, but “good” is not exactly the word that fits. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t exactly good either. Useful. That was the adjective I settled on. It was a useful week. Enlightening. Challenging. Helpful in many ways. Heart-wrenching in others. I knew I’d be confronting my resistance to…

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