i’m glad you were born
29 years ago
in this very place
when we were still worlds apart

you, with a crooked smile
and a chipped tooth
and a deep sense of responsibility
for things that aren’t yours
and those who are

you, who grew up quickly
and quietly
who’s path i often wondered if i crossed
unnoticed

you, who sacrifices all dignity
to see us laughing until we pee our pants
at the faces you make
or animals you impersonate
or other things I probably shouldn’t repeat
(because dignity is only lost for us, after all)

you, who feels old in his youth
and gives himself a bellyache for it
who fears things
like speaking his mind
and wearing pink that’s really grey
no matter what your eyes tell you

you, who challenges me
and my beliefs on independence
who reminds me without words
(and sometimes with words)
all you mean to us

you, who fills me
who is the catalyst behind our best ideas
who inspires me
and reminds me of my own power
yet fails to see it all lacks without your hand

you, who is not finding yourself
but creating
who thinks deeply
but doesn’t share
whom i can neither read
nor resist

you, who fails to acknowledge
your own wonder and prowess
who can’t admit to the miracle that is you
who has yet to discover
the influence and magic that would disappear
had you not been born
into this world
and into mine

i’m glad you were born
to smile and to learn
to push and be pushed

i’m glad you were born
to influence and shape
and create and Be

i’m glad you were born
into this place, this time
to be this person
just Who You Are
right now
and here with me

Happy birthday, Justin. I love you.

the one who did your makeup
although i don’t remember
more than the photo
that shows your smile
and what i perceive
hope
is a look of endearing love
even though i put pigtails in your hair

i don’t hold many memories
of you
of us
although i do remember
when you held my seat
as i learned to ride my bike
i was awfully upset when you let go
when you said you wouldn’t
even if i didn’t fall

do you know where i was
when you died
hiking angel’s peak
at zion
on Earth Day
the same hike
we went on when i was little
i wish i could remember it
or know where i was
or what i was seeing
when you let go
maybe it was something
we once saw together

i’m sorry
for my last words
for my passive-aggressive tone
for implying
you weren’t enough
i swore
i would never let myself
lose another person
with things left unsaid
without telling them i loved them
but I made one mistake
i always thought
we’d get the call
and i would be there
to hold your hand
and whisper
it’s okay
as you slipped away

instead
you died alone
in your chair
and i never got the chance
to tell you i was sorry
to tell you i forgive you
for being human
and ask you to forgive me
for being the same

i still wonder
what you would think
who you would’ve voted for
or what you would say
about my crazy ideas
or my hair
would you listen
and agree
and tell me I’ll always be
your little girl
or would you chuckle
or shake your head
or debate
like we used to

for months
after you passed
i heard your voice
say my name
and i’d want to call you
but then remembered
i couldn’t
i don’t hear you anymore
and i never forget
your gone
but i still miss you
immensely
and i still regret
your worse fear came true
and you died alone

© Tara Wagner April 22, 2009

.

.

to love the mess
and kiss the rock that tripped me
and bless the burnt edges
of the toast for their discomfort

to smile
at the laughter
at the sun
at the wind that blows away
my patience

to be open
to opposition
contrast
differences
and allow it
to open my mind
and think and wonder
ponder, confuse, debate
and then accept it as it is

to breath
deeply
often
to look beneath
to love the layers
and what they hide

to dance
to spin and sway and float
and then be still
and listen
hear
understand
or not
and be okay with it

to create
with color or word or light
with pen or paper
or heart

to sing
and hum
and hear the music
in the trees
and the birds
and the traffic
and the tears

to play
like a child
like an adult
in my heart
my home
and the world around me

to let go
of anger
expectations
assumptions or impatience

to grow
in the soil or the sand
like the bloom
open
simple
wild and trailing

to give and love
and accept both in return
to pray with my lips
or my heart
my steps
or my lungs
every moment, my offering
every breath, my soul

to be sweet
like sticky honey
dripping from my pores

to offer
what others need
to be what wraps around them
the warmth that embraces
listens
silent
loving
to be the smile
that whispers comfort
that hears the truth
and sits in awe

© Tara Wagner 2009

.

the dance is missing from this town
its sad embrace just pulls me down

impatiently i wait to hear the chime
a chirping message telling me its time
while colored dreams and mighty plans sustain
pushing paths against the weathered grain
i watch the feet that carry me along
humming through the notes within the song
and watering the seeds that have been sown
i miss the things i’ve never really known

Copyright TheOrganicSister 2/27/09

*i wrote this a couple weeks ago but only just got around to posting it.

So we look away

Atrocities are easier to swallow

When blended with half truths

And sweetened with righteousness

Peace promoted through vengeance

Like a child’s immature retaliations

“Because they did it first”

And we shake our heads

Wondering at its failure

We rattle our fists

And swear to our gods

and take two eyes for one

Then leave our crumbling gold

To patch the wound

We arrogantly ask our children to fight

Denying all kinship

And diverting our vision

For as long as we don’t look for it

We’ll never have to see

Humanity in the eyes of our enemy.

© Tara Wagner

ask yourself that question.
you don’t need to answer me.

meditate on the image
that comes into your head

you’re not forever who you are now
you are the Future You instead

Give to me your devotion
A delicious gift to drink
Receive my mutual emotion
Sacred kiss upon your cheek

Lay your heart upon my lips
And dance through my embrace
Soul of one cannot endure
Without love’s tender face

[*Old poem found among the rubble and posted with the date which it was written, 10/25/07, Rebirthed]

You’ll look for opportunity
Inside pure calamity
And I’ll make my own

You brag about a dying breed
The life you lead
Mistrust you feed
And then you look to me

You act surprised
That in my eyes
I share your look of pity

Did you think I’d lust
For the box you’re living in?
Did you think I’d turn away
From what I’ve found within?
Did you think your boastful prose
Would shake me to my senses?
Did you truly think I’d sell my soul
To buy such weak defenses?

I know it isn’t easy
Thinking on your own
It takes some time to disregard
The bullshit we’ve been shown

But this is more than misplaced dreaming
This is more than just a fad
Some of us threw out that box
Some of us are glad