I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two necessary ingredients to solve any problem, to cure any woe, to heal any pain, to connect any souls. (I didn’t mean to make that sound all rhyme-y but I’m going with it.)
Wanna know what they are?
Time and space.
Now if only it were that simple. It’s not. Finding the right kinds and amounts of each is the next step.
The Right Kind of Time
If it’s a relationship thing, especially a parent-child relationship, time together is always the first thing I look at. Because it’s the easiest thing to neglect. We’re busy and we mistake being around each other for being together, when the two are actually very different.
Yeah, this is the flip side to that, and it’s one we’re learning very well with a teenager. He’s ready to venture out into the world on his own, ready to spend ample time away from us, and it’s been a lot of work to find ways for him to do so. If you’re in this boat too, please remember: as much as you may love a person, sometimes they need less of you. Don’t take this personally. Just roll with it and it all works out.
Time to Let Things Change
Sometimes the healing, the shifting that needs to take place, the growth that’s happening…it just takes time. No amount of juju can change the pace of Life. (It’s funny how much we want to rush things that matter and then complain how things that matter keep rushing by.)
The Right Kind of Space
A Safe Space
Healing, growth, communication, love…they all act like timid mice until they feel safe. The thing about safety is it’s different for everyone, and depending on the pain thats been inflicting it can come about at a pace we don’t prefer, so it’s hard to judge what is “safe” enough. But look at it this way: if it’s not happening, it’s not the right time or space for it to happen, so nurture a sense of honesty, openness, and gentleness and allow your heart (or theirs) to poke in when it’s ready.
A Space of One’s Own
I’ve found this one to be true. Sometimes what we need is something of our own, a sacred space of our own creation. Mine is filled with art and music and essential oils and puppy cuddles. And it’s ALONE space, time to be with one person – me. If you’re an introvert, you need this space of your own. And you need to guard it.
A Space to Process, Breathe, Integrate
This needs to be a safe space, obviously. And it might even be your own sacred space. But what I really am talking about is a space created with another person. A mentor, a friend, your mom, your lover, a counselor, a guru….someone with whom you can speak candidly and receive a special brand of support; not the kind that pushes or fixes or judges, but the kind that guides you to find your own answers, that asks the right questions that lead you to ask yourself the right questions.
Which are you needing right now?