I would ask them the customary questions: How old are you? What grade are you in? What’s your favorite subject? What do you want to be when you grow up?

(Kinda similar to how I use to talk to adults actually: What do you do? How’s the weather? Time flies huh?)

You know, the kind of questions that you don’t really listen for the answers.

But then I started meeting children who liked to make up their their own age (or name), who didn’t go to school, and who demanded (not with words but with their very presence and the way they experienced life) a whole new kind of interaction.

And it was awkward at first.

I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. It was uncomfortable to be alone with a child I wasn’t related to because there was an expectation of interaction that I didn’t know how to handle (compared to the idea that we don’t have to interact quite as much with children we do know – ack!).

I was realizing today how different that is for me now.

I woke up this morning and immediately upon noticing there was actual SUNSHINE I grabbed my yoga mat and headed out the RV door. I intended to salute the sun all proper like.

We’re camped with our caravan and sitting outside next door was my new friend, whom I call Little Turtle, for we both are learning a lot about our own personal turtle shells. As we greeted I did what I would do with any friend…

I invited her to do yoga by the pond with me.

She grabbed her mat, her brother even came along for a few minutes before he decided he had better things to do, and the two of us saluted the sun together.

Then we laid by the water and just spent time together.

In my past I would’ve felt compelled to ask questions or mentor her in some way (oh the ego!). I would’ve had a different tone in my voice and a direction I felt we should take it (educational no doubt).

But our time together was casual and comfortable instead.

We talked about the water and our favorite colors, and Googled on my phone what different colors mean (she’s all about the happy, creative colors!). We wondered about the weird animal sounds we heard and talked about brothers.

The generations between us didn’t matter. We were just able to BE together, as friends.

And this makes me really happy. I have friends of so many ages and backgrounds and beliefs. And for years I missed out on what these young and wonderful friends bring to my world.

Like the enjoyment of sitting and watching the bugs skimming the surface of the water.

Last night Justin and one of the kids went off to a juggling meetup. An hour driving together, several hours juggling with other adults, and an hour back. As friends. Right now he has a 10 year old friend helping him work on the engine as they talk more about juggling. As friends.

It just makes me smile.

And being authentic has also become easier. Zeb and his new friend (and Little Turtle’s brother) were playing in the RV and I needed to get some work done. They were having fun and talking and I was struggling with overwhelm and feeling distracted.

So I reached out in kindness. “Hey guys, would it be okay if I had the RV to myself for awhile? I’ve got so much work to do.”

“Sure Mom.” “Sure Tara.” And they finished up their game, asked when I thought I’d be done and headed outside with a smile.

In the past I would’ve resorted to demanding they go outside, or just internally huffing and puffing over how I never get what I need until I became resentful. I never would’ve thought I could’ve spoken to them about it in the same way I would speak to my husband. It would’ve been control or martyrdom for me.

I’ve missed out on a lot of time with these incredible friends, especially the incredible friend I have in my 12 year old son. There were lots of things I had to DIG IN to in order to release my own discomfort and fear and superiority: like the emotions or reactions that would come up for me, the old stories about permissiveness, and the kind of connections I really wanted in my life and what had me settling for less.

But most importantly the idea I had learned that only people of the same ages could have real and meaningful friendships together and that adults were meant to lead children, not simply enjoy their presence.

You build with mortar the barriers around you
Going into shutdown mode
With robotic automation

And I pick up the slack
With my overwhelming frustration
An attempt to bulldoze your red brick wall

My mind whispers otherwise
Reminding me its compassion that tears down fences
That creates safe spaces that coax you out of hiding

But usually my ego wins
Responding from the fear recalled by my previously wounded heart

You’re not him
Any of those other hims
And I’m not the girl I was then either
Nor am I the person who taught you to withdraw

But still we slip into those places our experiences have created
Those places that tell you to hide
And me to fight for my life
That forget the safety we can celebrate in the other’s arms

And I’m thankful for those moments for two reasons.

One: that they never last long
That what used to be my entire experience of love
Is now merely a glimpse of a little girl’s fear that overtakes me momentarily
Before I remember who I am
And where I am
And who I’m with
And what we both need.

And Two: that they remind me of those things at all
Of who and where I am and with whom
That they offer the contrast of a previous life I thought was normal
And the wonder I still dwell in because I’ve discovered that its not
That those places are no longer comfortable
No longer the first place I go
No longer the last place I want to leave
That they no longer threaten me
Or you
Or us together
But that they merely happen as a glimpse of an old self
A history we get to rewrite
And not a destiny we’re doomed to repeat
That it’s never long before your arms are wrapped back around me
And I’m sinking into your heartbeat
And we’re smiling again
With the reminder that decades past is not our reality
Even if we momentarily relive it
For old time sake perhaps

Yes, I’m thankful for the times you trigger my old shit
(although you’ll never hear me say it in the moment)
Because I want to be the woman who loves you that fiercely
As to lean into compassion instead of bulldozer mode
Into love instead of my own fear
Into what you need instead of what I’m afraid to give
(Yes, I have walls of my own
Not the kind that go up in a flash
But the more insidious kind
That stay up all the time
And are made of clear glass
Giving you the illusion of openness
Until you face plant against them.)

And I’m thankful for another thing:
This sacred little space we’ve created between the two of us
Where you learn to open up
(and I learn to shut up)
Where I learn to be patient
(and you hurry up and get there already)

Yes, we have our moments of fear
That manifest as anger and disconnect and hurt
But damn, only moments?
(I’d call it easy if I didn’t remember how fucking hard it was there for awhile
and how much we worked at this
and how we almost didn’t make it work)

I guess what I’m trying to say
Is your damn sexy
Red brick walls and all
And I’m glad you think I’m cute when I’m mad
Because I must be breathtaking to you
Right when we need to love each other most.

Every Friday I try to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

Think of every smack received as a step back in one’s emotional, mental and spiritual ability to thrive.

Yes, we survived. But how might we have THRIVED if our mistakes were met with compassion and support, kindness and patience? How might we have learned to look at ourselves if we are never taught to see ourselves with anger or disgust or disappointment?

It’s true.

You could hit your children and they would most likely survive.

But not BECAUSE you hit them. Simply in spite of it.

An abundance of love, support, kindness, guidance and compassion can never do harm.

Disengagement, neglect, apathy, anger, impatience, criticism, or any form of assault always will.

Let me tell you a little story…

Several weeks ago I had a little bird in my ear telling me I needed to do something for Mother’s Day to share here. It, of course, didn’t give me any hints and just left me hanging for awhile. So I made a little note on my To do list and just wondered each time I saw it, with a bit of trepidation in my heart because really…do I need any more projects?

But I leaned into Trust that what needed to come forth would come and would do so at just the right time.

Well then Monday rolled around and Justin and I went on a nature walk and came to the end of a path and sat on the makeshift log-bench and watched the scenery while the dog ran around and I verbalized all my thoughts. I had thought of launching the parenting e-course or another paid product but I knew enough people would be talking about things you could buy yourself for Mother’s Day and I heard a little pang of “No, yours needs to be a gift.”

I thought to myself, “These are the women who give all the time. I want to give them the gift of receiving. I want to fill their cups.”

And as he and I spoke together the words just came out, “I think I’m going to create a little mini-meditation.”

A little bit of wisdom, a little bit of love, a little bit of breathing room is what I really want to offer you.

Later that day I sat down with my journal and allowed myself to process around what needed to come through me, who it was for, what it would say, what it would be called and got a very clear directive, “Don’t think about the words and the details now. Just sit down to record, and hold in the heart the women you most want to speak to, then speak.”

So I did just that. I climbed in the back of my sound studio (the backseat of the truck), closed my eyes, started the music in my ears and brought to my heart my mama and my tribe of sister-friends and you out there.

And then I spoke the words that needed saying. 

It’s not perfect. It’s not earth-shattering, except maybe for a few women who will receive it. The mini-workbook even has typos that I have no intentions of fixing.

But it’s filled with love. A gift from my heart and my wisdom straight to you.

Filling Your Cup :: A Mini-Retreat to Rest Your Tired Body, Nurture Your Depleted Heart, and Replenish Your Spiritual Cup

It includes…

:: A 24 minute meditation to allow you to rest, breathe, absorb and tap into what fills your spiritual cup
:: (Don’t have 24 minutes? The first 7 min were serendipitously created to standalone as a micro-mini retreat, a moment to catch your breath and stop wearing your shoulders like earrings.)
:: And a workbook filled with wisdom, affirmations, prompts and ideas to help you keep your cup full all year long.

And best of all?

It’s FREE.

Yes, free. A gift for you to receive.

No catch. No strings. Just something to open your heart to…

A moment of stillness. A pocket of peace. The knowledge and a few tools to feel vibrant and energetic.

The knowledge that you are enough.

That you deserve it.

Want to get yours?

Right click to download the
Filling Your Cup Mini Retreat toolkit.

P.S. It’s not just for mamas. It’s for all woman who give so much to the world around them and would like a little more practice receiving.

P.P.S. If you want to upload the MP3 to your iPhone you can do so by opening it in iTunes, right-clicking and converting to AAC version, then syncing that version!

P.P.P.S. Do you know another incredible woman with an incredible heart who could use some soulful cup-filling of her own? Please please please share this using the buttons below!

We had mishap after mishap and mine and Justin’s main relationship trigger is stress.

Not just stress, but a string of stress that really throws us off and disconnects us. We were good for the first round. The second, third and fourth rounds is when we fell apart.

We’ve found that when we can come together we can weather damn near anything.

But in April we let 9863653886 give us the lame excuse to not make time to come together.

We really noticed this by the end of the month. Yeah, things were stressful with tires going flat and slide breaking and the dog getting fleas and on and on.

But it was made harder by our distance from one another.

It’s too easy to allow Life become an excuse. It feels hard to not fall into that trap. But it becomes simple when you just don’t allow it too.

So we came back together. And we’ve been working on more mindfully staying that way.

Case in point: Yoga in the woods.

Early yesterday morning as I was sitting in the lake I just felt compelled. There’s a perfect deck at the RV campground we’re currently in and the weather was wonderful. (We’re in South Carolina currently.)

I came back prepared to need to jump up and down on the bed to wake him, but he was already awake and reading. I just had to ask and he was ready to go.

This morning we did it again. Although this time he convinced me to try his YogaX (from the P90X program). Yeah, that’s really not a more-than-once-a-week practice for me.

But we have some other videos and audios and plans to continue as often as we can roll ourselves out of bed before 9am.

And who wouldn’t want to get up early to watch your husband do this:

The man is an animal!

What do you do to come together?

Every Friday I try to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

You want to give love and compassion and energy to everyone.

You want to give of your time, your patience, your creativity, your support, your empathy.

You want to be that woman who seems to have the endless well of generosity in her backyard, who never grows tired of giving selflessly, who never feels like she wants to kick a puppy or rip her partner a new one or shake her children.

You want to be the woman who cleans her home with joy (instead of with a grudge) and cuddles with her kids each night (instead of just wanting to run away from them) and empathizes with their mistakes (instead of losing her cool again).

Here’s what you get to know about that woman, the one who really does move from love and compassion and patience all the time:

• She takes a shitload of deep breaths every day.
• She’s totally ready to let go of what doesn’t matter so much (like clean toilets or matching socks) for what does (like a game with her kids or some time to herself)
• She knows she can only give abundantly to others when she’s allowing herself to receive.
• She knows that others have the need to give and to refuse robs them of their joy.
• And she knows that she won’t receive what she needs if she’s moving from fear that she must snatch it up, protect it viciously and not be willing to allow it to flow back out again.

Our ability to give is one side of a circle. Our ability to receive is the other. And they feed each other.

Our job is to open ourselves to that flow, to allow support and care to come to us in its many forms and allow it to flow back out again how it’s needed.

No holding on out of fear we’ll never get it again.

No resisting out of fear it’s selfish.

Just keeping the flow of compassion and generosity moving in and out of our lives so that it can continue to touch the lives of those we love.

Our formerly nomadic friends, Becky and Chris, have settled just on the edge of the quarter, a perfect spot for two artists to live and sell their work.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll remember them from the NuRVers gathering we first attended in Texas two years ago, after just hitting the road. Chris and Zeb hit it off over their mutual respect for LEGO and Chris inspired an interest in sculpting in Zeb (which only makes sense for this young builder).

I – again – didn’t get nearly the photos I would have liked, especially of them and their INCREDIBLE apartment. But we did have a beautiful time with a family we feel so at ease with. And the city (with the exception of Bourbon St – not my flav) just inspired me so much. Cup = filled.

Those last two would be the only shot I got with people in it. I didn’t even get a photo with my soul sistah, Becky. Brill, Tara, brill. I guess that just gives us reason to go back again soon.

What city inspires you most?

Facebook Circle – Open Topic

Monday, May 7 – 8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific

Our next open Facebook Circle is this coming Monday. Instead of a specific topic this month, we’re going to do a casual gab and Q&A sesh. Myself, and several other coaches and bloggers, will be there to connect, share, support, be silly, be serious and talk.

It’s free!

Grab a mug o’something and show up as yourself to say hello, tell us what’s on your mind, share your wisdom with others and fill your spiritual cup with some sisterly contact.

Set your reminders now, then click here to join us!

Establishing and Maintaining Boundaries

Thursday, May 10th – 2pm Eastern/11am Pacific

This month’s Organic Tribe will be circling around the delicate topic of boundaries.

What are they, how do you set them in mindful and compassionate ways, how do you maintain them, what do you do if someone crosses them…

Oh boy, have I bit off a big one with this topic! Thankfully we have two Organic Tribe sessions this month if we don’t cover it all in one. And if we do, I’ll have another topic for our second Tribe call later this month!

Click here to join the Tribe and get all the perks – like free stuff!

Aaaaaand…

I have more goodness coming up very, very soon…like the next Business Mastermind and the upcoming Organic Parenting e-course (eep!). But I’m going to make you wait for those – partially because I’m a tease and partially because I work better under pressure (i.e. I’m still working out the details!).

April’s Highlights

Oh man, April both rocked my face off and threatened to overwhelm me.

♥ I started a new weekly series where I take some of the quotes I place on Facebook and expand on them on the blog every Friday. You can find more here.

♥ The Great Blog Comment Debate Everyone has an opinion that really only fits themselves. This one is mine.

♥ Anxiety, Overwhelm, Sorrow :: And All I Heard Was Love It was one intense, exhausting, heartbreaking, beautiful and wonderful weekend.

♥ Feeling Too Drained to Take Care of You? Yeah, I got there this month. Below is the video that got me back.

April’s Newness

♥ I can add headline speaker to my resume. Just sayin. It was scary and intimidating and I loved almost every minute of it (except those moments where I wanted to turn and flee).

♥ Organic Home Health Justin and I have fallen in love with essential oils for the incredible things they’ve done for our health lately and have begin to promote the uses of essential oils on Sustainable Baby Steps.

♥ I’m working on several new projects right now for the coming months and am not sure which to focus on first. I’d love to hear from you on what you’d most love to see. Can you let me know here?

April’s Inspiration

♥ Unschooling on Mothering.com A great article on unschooling. And it was a funny little surprise that I got quoted in it!

♥ Your Child Does NOT Thrive on Routine One of my clients, Patti, is totally inspiring me with her words on parenting this month. Must read.

♥ I’ve Gotta Be Me This just makes me smile.

♥ And the song below is already a fave but this version is just so good.

♥ And this one below by Passion Pit, I can’t even explain how much I love it.

♥ Your 5 Customers For my entrepreneur sistahs out there, I love Naomi’s insights like whoa.

♥ Confidence Coin Necklace Love! In fact, I love just about everything they offer.

♥ Behind the Blog Doh! I think I forgot to share this with you. Or I forgot to delete it from my Must Share list. Either way make sure you check out Erin’s podcast here.

♥ Releasing Relationships A sweet mama friend, Kate, just released her very first ebook and it’s gorgeous and powerful.

♥ Are you a hot woman? Mm, this was just yummy.

♥ Metta in Mantras* And I’m still loving all over this meditation from Jenn. So much so that that’s an affiliate link. Oh yes it is.

What’s Been Inspiring You This Month?

Every Friday I try to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

I think we (myself included) give too much credit to our experiences, saying that they are what made us who we are today.

Likewise we can give too much blame as well, insisting that they are the cause of our suffering.

But we are not the result of what happened to us.

We are the result of what we choose to do with it.

Painful, heartbreaking and horrific things have happened in my life: abuse, assault, loss, depression.

I’m not being contrite when I say I am am thankful for each and every one, even though I have no desire to experience it again nor would I wish it on anyone.

But as painful as those events are, they did not happen to me.

They happened for me.

And more importantly, I happened to them.

From those events I learned how to suffer and how to overcome suffering. I learned that I could allow things to tear me down or I could choose for them to build me up.

There is a difference in what happens to us and what happens for us: One creates victims. The other creates survivors.

Kick-ass survivors. Men and women who are ablaze with wisdom, strength, confidence and the desire to transform violence into love. Men and women who experienced something that will embolden them to change the world.

You are NOT the result of what has or will occur in your life, of the pain you are or have experienced, of the mistakes you did or will make.

You are the result of what you choose to do next.