Focusing. Poorly.

Yes, I’m still mostly in that place.

Justin and I sat down last night to talk. He’s pretty much there too but has this amazing ability to work through it. He tried to remind me of what we were doing and could do and should focus on and I tried to convince him I was right; that it is, in fact, hopeless.

This exemplifies our opposing personalities. He’s content to “be”, while I need to “do”. I need a purpose, something to focus on and right now I’m not sure what that is. I know full well I can’t control it all but I also need to feel like part of it – like I’m doing my part. I can easily allow things to unfold if I know I did what I needed to do. It’s not all control issues, I promise. I just like to be in the mix, working and feeling useful. Justin has his purpose. I feel much more idle. And yet unmotivated.

We talked about my going back to work as a massage therapist. We also talked about just up and moving. But neither of us really feels as though the timing is right for either. And I just keep reminding myself to be patient and work on what I can, without a lot of money. I’ve been hitting Freecycle and Craigslist for some things we’ve been needing/wanting for the yard and have hit some luck. I’m still working on getting out of the funk, however.

Onward with my thoughts and off the subject of what can’t be done…

[For details on the challenge, click the photo.]

Goal #1 – Time Management

Routines - My routines are going “okay” but it’s frustrating how one little hiccup in plans can mess up the flow. I’m working on getting back into the swing. Justin told me if I meal plan for the grill, he’ll make dinner every single night. I’ll be working on June’s meal plan this weekend.

Time Wasters – I scheduled the cloth toilet paper post in advance so I was able to take a good five days off from the computer, something I really needed. That gave us time to accomplish some yard tasks over the weekend and spend a lot of time together. I’ve been doing good about managing my online time by not getting sucked into endless article after post after video.

Things That Matter – We’ve been playing a lot of games together and even went to a drum circle last Sunday. I’ve been reading so many good books (need to update my nightstand widget!) and spending time outside. Things have been pretty relaxed and easy-going this past week, despite my funk these last couple days.

Goal #2 – Harmonica

Nada. I don’t think I touched it more than moving it around in my purse while I search for my keys. Dangit.

Goal #3 – Decluttering

I cleaned out our game/homebrew/coat closet. The coats and beer found a new home. The games were sorted and put away properly and duplicates added to the Goodbye Pile. I moved the small media shelves from the living room, so that all our video games and movies now share the closet with our board games and card decks. Total score! Having all the fun stuff together has reminded Zeb what has been hiding behind the clutter. He’s been pulling out favorite and forgotten games and we’ve been having loads of fun.

In an attempt to manage my upcoming week better and feel more purposeful, I’m planning in advance:

• Time Mgmt: The night before, plan out my next day so I can wake up feeling like I have a purpose that day.
• Harmonica: Settle on a damn song already. Decide whether I really need a new harp by testing out the other two lower quality harps we have. If necessary, buy it already and practice after dinner.
• Decluttering: Finish decluttering both bathrooms and our bedroom closets. They are all small jobs and it shouldn’t take me so long to finish them. I’m going to pretend we are going to live in a tiny yurt within a month and be ruthless with my purging. I’m also going to find a better place for my Goodbye/Garage Sale Pile.