[If you haven't heard the song, "I Am Not My Hair" by India.Arie, I highly suggest checking out this remix with P!nk.]
I’ve been thinking and I’d like to know where in history so much importance was first given to our hair. When did it become Who We Are, the first thing people see and judge us by? In every written record of history from biblical references to cave drawings, our hair has been depicted through the centuries and through many cultures as mystical, seductive, all powerful. It commands attention. It tells the room we’ve entered how much money we make, where we might work or whether or not we’re good friend material. But as India.Arie says, does the way I wear my hair make me a better person, a better friend or determine my integrity?
To much of the world, the answer seems to be “yes”. It’s strange how much we’ve become our hair. It is our personality. Even the woman who only pull theirs back into a ponytail still takes comfort in knowing it’s there if she needs it – I know; I’ve done it. It was the brick wall between me and anxiety. Feel uncomfortable? Pull your hair down, let it fall around your face and feel the safety that it brings.
As a teen I never cut my hair. It was my security blanket, hiding the scar on my back and giving me something to hide my heart behind. I could figuratively and literally wrap myself in it to protect me from a cold, hard world. 
It was down to the small of my back by the time I took the plunge. In one fail swoop I cut it off to below my chin, then within a couple of weeks cut it to about 2 inches long. I felt naked; exposed to the world, as if everyone could now actually see the inner workings of my soul. I also felt brave and extremely liberated. 
But I still had my hair. I still maintained it, made sure it looked its best and represented me well. Give that a moment to sink in. My hair represented me. Or my hair product I should say. Bed Head represented me. And the more emphasis put on the outside of my representation, the less left to point inward. 
Already at 26, I’ve gone the full spectrum of hair styles, trying to find what suited me and going back and forth every few years – short for massage school, long for my wedding, even shorter for work, chin length for a balance between the two.
But as I made more and more steps toward natural living, I felt the need to grow my hair out. Not because I wanted long beautiful hair, but because I wanted to not care about my hair. Not spend money on chemical products or monthly hair cuts. Not spend time in front of the mirror.
Oh but this…this is a whole new ball game. Yes, I did it. Sooner than I expected the time felt right and with the help of my supportive husband, I am now a knotty girl.
It took a total of 14 hours, spread out over two days to finish the job. And through tears (not because I was emotional but because it hurt so much), several movies, the proverbial Marley tunes and a lot of patience and love, I feel like a completely different person. Like the person that was locked up inside is finally getting her moment in the spotlight.
And I’m loving it!
(Click here for the full photo journey on Flickr.)
I'm Tara Wagner, life coach and creator of the Digging Deep process, where I coach women out of survival mode to recreate their lives and families.
Wow! Looks great! I’m glad you were able to make your dream a reality (finally)!
Awesome! Suites you well. I enjoyed the flickr pics, too.
You’re one brave girl! I have to say, I love your hair super short…it fit your face. Even though I know it’s NOT about looks, I’ll bet you carry it well.
Congrats.
Pam
So, as you know, I recently changed my hair style as well. I had long, dull-colored hair and the reason I kept it that way is because my partner preferred it. I realized it wasn’t me, that I hadn’t felt attractive (to myself) in a long time; so I decided to change it. I cut six inches off and colored it dark brown and suddenly my view of myself completely changed. I felt beautiful again, I was inspired, confident, happy…but mostly I just felt that my outer appearance became a reflection of my inner self.
Anyway, as I was preparing for my day today, admiring myself in the mirror, I started thinking about your blog entry. You have boldly stated, “I Am Not My Hair”, however, I completely disagree with that. It seems NOW more than ever, your hair is truly representing you. Your hair “commands attention”. Your hair will be “the first thing people see and judge” you by. Not only that, but you are now going to be categorized with all of the other people who have dreaded their hair.
As far as hair being something we hide behind when we are feeling insecure, I absolutely agree with that. However, I think to truly feel liberated from hair, one should not have ANY!!
So now I want to say, again, I think it’s great that you did something that makes you feel good about yourself. Something that helps you to reflect who you are inside, on the outside. I can definitely relate to that.
But I have to ask: How will you feel to have your hair speak before you do?
Actually, I was only re-asking the questions you had already posed in your blog entry. I was simply making the point that those questions about hair becoming part of who we are, still applied to you, even though you have chosen a low-maintenance style.
Can’t wait to see it in person!
S*
PS. Will you have to buy a special shampoo to clean your head/dreads? I only ask because I assume there must be some sort of technique to managing the oils/smells that come from unwashed hair? I will never forget my Sociology 1001 lecture because I sat behind a dreadheaded person and the smell of his hair was offensively pungent.
Hmm, good comments/questions Sarah. Had to think about these for awhile.
When I orginally had the thought of “I am not my hair” it was more in regards to where I was, than where I am now. I guess because I don’t feel as if dreadlocks are just the latest style I’m trying on but a way to disregard my former hair obsession all together. A way to stop “doing” to my hair and a way to just “let it be”. And even being truly and completely liberated thru shaving one’s head, there is still the constant upkeep of keeping a shaved head!
But in a way it’s still how I feel now. My hair may be “me” more than ever now but I am still not my hair, ya know? I’m more than that and it’s part of the reason I’m attempting to “let it go”.
I realize it will now more than ever “command attention” and be the first thing people see and often judge me by. But that’s the world. People judge. And that’s their issue, not mine.
Hmm, how do I feel about my hair speking before I do. Good question. I honestly don’t think I care.
I went out yesterday, in all my knappy glory with a headband around my head but dreads flying this way and that. I don’t know if I was judged or not. I didn’t pay attention and for the most part just forgot about my dreads all together. I even answered the door later that day without the head wrap on after (re)working on some of my dreads, and with my “bangs” sticking 3 inches straight up in the air without a second thought! It didn’t dawn on me until later that the guy probably thought I was crazy!
I think this is just becoming a way for me to let go further of the “what-will-people-think-of-me” fears I’ve acquired over the years. It has also been opening my eyes to the judgement I carry inside myself of others.
This choice hasn’t been without negative reactions already, though. From strangers to family members, I’ve already heard some hurtful things. But thru adversity comes understanding and I’ve come to realize things within myself (and others) in a very short period of time. I believe this is part of the reason I felt “called” to do this. Because somehow this is meant to be a spiritual journey and it has been already. And feeling that makes me even more aware of how much I should focus inward.
I think what I’m trying to say (but am probably not making much sense of it in the circles I’m speaking) is that I’m okay if people choose to judge me by my dreads, cuz I see that as a characteristic of a person I’d rather not know – or be – anyhow. And what better way to avoid it than to clearly see it?
Thank you for asking this. Ya got me thinking.
Hope I made sense of my thoughts!
LMAO Ewww! Yes, there is a special shampoo but really anything residue free works. I certainly don’t intend to be one of the smelly dread people! (And if for some reason I do, please tell me!) Hygeine is still high on my list.
Hi Tara
Go girl! If you were so moved to do this, than why not! It’s your hair. About shampoo, take a look at this. It raises some interesting thoughts.
http://reactor-core.org/shampoo-scam.html
take care
jen
Wow, that’s taking a plunge! Found you on the Urban Homesteader’s ring and you’re one of my favorites so far.
My hair would dred so easily (very, very curly/kinky) but I’m just not brave enough yet! That, and I still have this thing where I’m constantly telling myself “Just because (insert whatever thing here) does not mean I’m a hippie!” I don’t think I could deny it at that point, so I guess I’m not past the I AM MY HAIR thing, and I’m definitely not ready to be a hippie!
Keep up the good work.