My eulogy for my dad…
Well it’s a eulogy of sorts. It was what I felt led to share, although when the time came the formidable urge to vomit on my open-toed heels forced me to allow the minister to deliver it to the congregation instead of me. He’s a good reader.
There is an African proverb that says “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” It has been one that has gotten me thru a lot in my life, just by simply reminding me why I am here, why I have been given my life at all. It is one I’ve been repeating to myself a lot lately as well.
These past days have not been smooth seas but they are teaching me things I thought I already knew.
In January, my father and I got in a disagreement over his driving with cataracts. And out of love, I was concerned. But I allowed that concern to turn my love into frustration…and I hadn’t spoken with him since. When I had started to come to my senses, I was “too busy” trying to close my business, a decision I’d made ironically enough with family in mind. I thought I had time to make amends when everything was settled. In the last three months I allowed my stubbornness and my business to get in the way of what truly mattered in my life.
Because at the end of our lives, lying on our death beds, we will not be asking to see our success, our accomplishments, our bank accounts …and we will not be arguing about who’s right and who’s wrong…we will be asking for those that held our hands thru our lives moments, those that laughed or celebrated with us, those we loved and those that loved us.
I believe G-d created us for two purposes…to learn and to love. And really…to learn how to love. And I pray that through this time, we are able to come out of it with something to show for what we’ve all endured. All of life is a lesson in love, this being no exception. I pray we have all learned how to love deeper, better, less selfishly, and more freely. I pray that out of our love, we learn to let go of what does not matter and hold tight to what truly does.
G-d is love. And when we love, we are at one with G-d – a small piece of heaven on earth. My dad is now in perfect communion, fully at one with G-d. So by making the choice to love not only can we invite G-d and heaven into our lives, but we are also inviting my dads memory back into our hearts.
For each and every person who is wishing for a way to honor my fathers life – love.
For him, be the love that lights your life, that lights the lives of those you love. Because in the end, love will be all that matters.
My dad loved each and every person here. Not perfectly but he loved us. And although this is not the smoothest sea, G-ds love… and my dads love… and our love can be the bridge.
I’d like us all to take a minute to honor him, to whisper to him the things we need to say, to love him because in our love, he is here.