Needs vs Wants vs Reality
Yesterday, in the middle of my post-meltdown stupor, I received my Compassionate Parenting Tips email. It asked me this:
When your needs are met it is easier to meet your child’s needs, too. What needs – yours and your child’s – aren’t currently being met as well as you would like?
It then went on to suggest making a list of our needs and simple, inexpensive ways to meet those needs right now.
There are a lot of things we need right now that we aren’t getting: down time/processing time, time spent together, healthier food, an unchanging plan, a bit more “simplicity”. We’re rushing around trying to get everything down by a date we chose and driving ourselves mad in the meantime.
Yesterday was my breaking point and several things have happened since to confirm what I didn’t want to hear.
First, we have a ton to do in the house and the RV and unless I suddenly get an unsuspected surge of healing energy, it just ain’t gonna happen in three days. Second, the tank for the veggie conversion will not be here until Friday, which means Benny will be lucky to make his own going away party on Saturday. Third, Zeb had a total meltdown last night over a spilled glass of water and I was so emotionally drained it was a serious struggle to be present and helpful with him and that is NOT how I want to start this adventure.
Next, in my inbox this morning was this horrible, hideous picture of me from Sara (not horrible because she took it; she did the best she could given the circumstances!) and a note:
Here is the photo I took today…you look weary, tired, beat And yet, still beautiful! I wanted to just send it to you for your records. So you can remember. That you got rid of all your possessions…and you survived.
Looking at this and reading what she wrote made me realize I’m practically killing myself to get out of Vegas by Monday. And for what? No matter when we leave, these last few days will fly by. A couple extra days will go by in a blink, too. Why the rush? (I know why: I’m excited to shake the dust of this town off my feet and finally feel as if I’m living Authentically. I want to go!)
Then, I woke up this morning to a message that my grandfather’s sister has passed away (I didn’t know her) and my Grandma and Grandpa are leaving town today and won’t be able to say goodbye if we leave on Monday. And that pretty much confirms it; we aren’t leaving until I get time to properly say goodbye to my grandparents.
I may not be able to meet every need of ours right now, but the simple act of slowing down and letting go of this arbitrary deadline will enable me to meet quite a few.
So, there you have it. I’m (re)learning to let go. I have no idea when we’ll leave and I may not like that fact, but it is what it is. I am NOT in control of everything. And I don’t want to control it at the risk of blocking opportunities trying to come our way. That is not what this journey is about for me. And I can’t remain open to what it is about if I’m stressing over something like this.