I’ve Got Nothing But Time (going from not enough to too much)
Yesterday, my old friend Overwhelm tried to sneak up on me again.
I was expecting it really. Since finishing and sending the Organic Parenting e-course out into the world, I chose to put the next project (turning the Mastermind into an ebook) on hold and just find some space to breathe and play.
And that’s about where I’ve been for almost two months: playing with food, playing with my flow wand, playing with art journals, watching movies (and The Walking Dead!) with my men, hanging with friends.
I created that little banner above because it’s my own reminder.
The days may be long but the years are swift and if I want to make something happen, it’s up to me to create the space for it to happen. The universe isn’t going to pull back the folds of time to create some magical vacuum in which I can fill with whatever I’d like. Nature abhors a vacuum. Which means if I want to find the space, it’s mine to pull back.
It’s SO DAMN EASY to fall into the trap of “there’s not enough time” or “there’s not enough energy”, but I know that’s bullshit.
My life is nothing BUT time and energy.
So anytime I’d catch myself sinking into the “I-have-no-time-for-the-fun-stuff” I’d realize it’s a choice I was making to prioritize the not-as-fun stuff.
But what about when’s it’s all fun?
I Actually WANT To Do It All
Okay, see…I had a wakeup call recently.
I’m not even sure what happened. I just woke up one day with a fire in my belly and a desire to stop sitting on the sidelines.
That’s the girl I’ve always been – on the sidelines, mellow, chill. And I love that part of me. But there is a dormant part waking up and hungry to answer “Yes!” more often than “No thanks”.
This fiery side has been jumping off cliffs and going boogie boarding and diving into a bitter cold ocean and creating a Bucket List with an actual plan of execution.
And looking at time in a different way.
I’ve suddenly realized just how much of the past 15 years was missed. And how easily the next 15 years can be missed if I’m not awake to it.
“Will this be something you regret not doing?”
That’s been my haunting question. The thing that propels me into the water, or over my old line, again and again.
But then it comes back to time again. How do I learn to fly a plane, travel the world, and master sign language AND a harmonica without running out of time?
I’m no longer trying to deal with what “must be done”…I’m trying to juggle all the things I’m hungry to do without slipping back into the head space of limitations and fear and scarcity.
It’s a whole new ballgame in this head, from “not having enough” to having “too much”.
So this is what I did yesterday when overwhelm threatened to sneak up on me:
- I spent a little time Digging Deep.
- I made myself some yummy, nourishing food.
- I went for a walk.
- I took a lot of deep breaths and gentle reminders.
Basically I rejected the need to feel overwhelmed by lack of time for all that I’m hungry for, and instead did what my head was calling “unproductive” until I felt centered, grounded and back into a place of Trust and peace. (Then I used that head space to tackle the ugliest thing on my To Do list, the thing I’d rather not have done, just to show myself how much time I can create and just how easy it can be to do it all.)
No amount of overwhelm will help me live this life.
No amount of fear will keep this fire lit.
No amount of leaning into my own spiritual practice is ever too much.
There is so much time for all that I want. My life is made up of time and energy. And my love and awareness helps me make the best use of it every day.