Kristin and I were best friends from elementary school through her graduation. Even after her family moved away in middle school, I would fly to Texas, then Florida, to visit her over the summer. I have so many fun memories of our times together: walking down Harmon Hill after school, prank calling the radio station (we really wanted to hear that song!), talking about boys and laughing over nothing funny.
Things weren’t always beautiful between us, though. I often felt a lot of (probably imagined) judgment from her family. They were very conservative and traditional and…well, we never have been. I even vaguely remember being referred to as a “bad influence” on my dear beloved friend. When I became a teenage mother that feeling became very acute.
The last time we saw each other was almost exactly 10 years ago, the June before Zeb’s first birthday. I had flown to Florida to attend her graduation, as we had promised to do at the age of 13. I was in a strange place in my life, struggling with depression and a real disconnection from Self. I was in a relationship I had yet to realize was doomed and on the precipice of major life changes I couldn’t have anticipated. It was a tumultuous time of change for me to say the least and I was desperate to feel that familiar sense of belonging within our friendship.
Instead I felt slightly outcast being put up with a stranger, and out of sync as I tried unsuccessfully to meld into her circle of friends and family. Our relationship was obviously strained. We had grown into two very different people from two very different walks of life and we struggled to bridge that gap. I flew away from that trip brokenhearted over losing a friend and floundering without that connection.
I know now that change is inevitable, that people grow – sometimes together and sometimes apart – and that all of this is okay. I also understand that my emotions and perceptions shaped my reality in ways that weren’t always true. And when we found each other again online (the internet is a beautiful thing) many of our questions were answered and our feelings understood.
But none of this stopped me from feeling a bit nervous for seeing this dear old friend of mine this weekend, meeting her husband and her son and bridging something long ago lost.
I listened to her talk and recalled with love her voice, her tone, and the strong, fearless nature of the soul I knew and still saw within her. I watched her as she interacted with her child and marveled how two little girls like us could become mothers ourselves. I saw her as she smiled at her sweet Southern man and rejoiced that her life was filled with love.
I’ve often missed the friendship she and I shared and have yet to find that in another. And as I looked upon our vastly different personalities, upbringings and beliefs, I can’t help but wonder if I too often seek out similarities. Were we friends because of or despite our differences or was it simply because of our classroom placement?
I don’t know. Nor do I know if this weekend or any weekends to come will rebuild that bond we once shared.
What I do know is that I have been forever blessed to have shared such a deep and meaningful friendship with such a beautiful, resilient and authentic soul as she. And regardless of where we are or where we’re heading, I’m blessed to still call her my friend.
My name is Tara. I am a mama and a lover, a full-time nomad, a passionate devourer of Life and an Organic Life Coach.
That’s beautifully written. I know exactly what you speak of. My best friend from age 14 was like a sister to me. Our bond was so strong that I thought we would be best friends forever. But with marriage and children we have grown apart not just in geography but in philosophies and political beliefs. It is still very painful for me and I grieve the loss often, but like you have come to accept that things change. We met for an overnight a couple of years ago, and hoped it will bring us close again, but it did not. I will always treasure this friend of mine, even if now we only exchange Christmas cards. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a friendship like that again; it is surely something special.
I too have experienced…and lost, this type of friendship. It is painful beyond words; but I feel so lucky to have experienced it. Your post is so eloquent. Thank you for sharing. -Debbie
love your honesty, and beautifully written. it is true about the bonds of friends, you can be so very different, but have a connection that reaches the soul. and when you share so many memories, i have come to discover that sometimes that is enough to sustain a friendship despite all the odds. you made me think of a childhood friend whom i hardly ever speak with anymore, but when we do it is as if no time has passed. thanks for sharing.
happy mama’s day!
First off a very Happy Mothers Day to you! What you wrote what beautiful and struck a cord with me. I have lost and gained many friendships over the years. I still have many great ones, but I still always ponder over the lost ones, and why things go the way that they do. It is hard to let those relationships go, but I am glad I had them while I did.
I think many of us make and then break friends with special people over the years as we grow and evolve. It can be very sad, particularly if (as is the case with me at present) we aren’t able to replace the lost friendships with a new one of equal depth or intensity. I try to remain philosophical and consider that the friendship came and evolved and was what was necessary at the time, but there are times when I really miss the two close friends I had when I was younger – one of whom I’ve just grown apart from as I took the motherhood path and she took the career one and we too are at the stage of only exchanging christmas cards but wishing the deeper connection could be made again, the other ended in a spectacular falling out and can never be regained – I mourn what it was, but hope one day to meet a new friend to fill me up in the way that these did.
Hello! I was reading through some of my really, really old blog posts and spotted your comment. I’m sorry I didn’t reply way back then… I looked you up and found you here, but as I looked over your blog and read a bit I realized that I already “knew” you! You are Tara from Heartschooling! I have to admit I hadn’t been to your blog in a while now, we’ve been so busy and I just don’t get around the ‘net like I used to.
I see you are now RVing! We are nearing the end of our 3rd year full-timing it and homeschooling. What an adventure
I like the new blog and I’m so glad I “bumped” into you again
And in answer to your query: No, my dreads are not really my hair. I use dread extensions, which allows me to change out the colors without using dyes and chemicals. I have not yet taken the plunge to lock my own hair, as I change my hair so often. Maybe someday…
Hey! I’m here. I read this a few days ago but havent had a chance to respond the way I want to.
I figured we would get a little shout-out but I didnt expect a whole post.
I, too, recalled your voice and your face with love. You are the same in all the best ways and different in ways that makes my heart very happy. I hope you can say the same for me. My heart swells for you when I see your family – Justin and Zeb. What a sweet soul and a fun one!
The time in my life when I met you and we were friends (4th-7th) is not very fondly recalled, to tell you the truth…but what redeems all of it is you as well as my family; my safe haven. I would do 4th -7th again if I knew I would get you out of it. Our classroom placement may have had a lot to do with our fast friendship but the reason for our classroom placement had nothing to do with chance or luck. Thats my belief.
I dont have another friend as old as you (that goes as far back, I mean…I have older friends
My life has changed a lot. I moved so many times. Friends have come and gone but you are still there…maybe in a different capacity but it is a good one. We will see…
It is funny to get older and look back and begin to understand the things we couldnt have at an earlier time or an earlier age such as what someone else was going through and misunderstandings. I am just glad thats not how it was left.
As far as you being a ‘bad’ influence. I dont know. You cussed and stuff but I dont ever remember my parents saying anything about thinking you were a bad influence. You were an influence, though. But, I see that as a good thing. Two people cant have a friendship like we did and it not impact the person they are and will become. I think I am turning out pretty well. I am sure you had something to do with that. You had to have…
Love you!
Oh, and you can see my face just fine in those pictures!
Hi there!
New follower!
I would love if you would come and visit my blog and become a new follower
Have a great day!
Melanie
http://www.jonathanandmelanie.blogspot.com
Featured Spotlight Blogger for Mommies Faves
I love this story about your life. And, I love how Kristin responded.
I’m never good with change, especially when it comes to growing apart from friends. It takes so long (for me) to develop friendships that I don’t like to see them fade away. I have to remind myself that this just happens.
I like that you two have been able to rekindle your friendship.
[...] 9 or 10, I drooled over the music, the hair and yes, (although to a lesser extent) the jumpsuits. My friend recently reminded me of the moment of silence I insisted on for…was it his birthday or the [...]