“Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.” – Seneca
A little diddy filmed by Sara Janssen at our Goodbye Party:
The Organic Sister – Going Away Party from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.
And this is the video tour I linked in the last one:
A Tour of Benny The Brave from Sara Janssen on Vimeo.
After seeing all the fun she has with hers, I think we need a camcorder!
Thanks again for everything Sara!
Another big round of goodbyes yesterday. My mom threw us a Bon Voyage party and it was wonderful to spend the day with family and friends (especially when the Life Learners hang out late, as we always do).
There were so many hiccups in the plans, it began to feel as if it simply weren’t going to happen. But I managed to only need one deep breath before I could let go of the expectations of perfection. Family in the hospital, sick babies and plenty of rain. But it was all so great to eat (the coolest cake ever!) and chat and take photos with the people we love.
Photo Credit: Sara Janssen
My parents gifted Justin with a GPS! He is super excited and has loved directing me to every location we already know. It’s going to be very helpful in finding nearby Chinese restaurants when we need a fill-up!
They also gave us a travel journal. Everyone signed their well wishes and we intend to take it with us to collect the words of everyone we meet. 
We still have odds and ends to finish up in the next few days and a giant Life Learners sleepover to plan for Tuesday. This certainly wasn’t the last of our goodbyes since we’re definitely not leaving on Monday. It looks like Wednesday or Thursday now.
Our first stop will be Tracey’s home in Phoenix to visit and play. Then Albuquerque…a very cool unschooling family is allowing us to intern on their organic farm! Fun!!
Friday was a grand, grand day. That’s because it marked the 11th hour completion of Benny’s straight veggie oil conversion! Our greened-out RV now runs on waste vegetable oil, available for free from neighborhood restaurants and we couldn’t be more ecstatic.
Justin has been working with Matt Janssen on the conversion, learning tons and having a blast. It took much longer than any of us anticipated but it was well worth the wait. Not only should we be able to acquire the grease for free, but it feels good burning something that could otherwise go to waste, as well as something that creates less carbon than regular diesel. (I’ll save the knitty-gritty details of the conversion for Justin to blog as soon as he’s caught up on sleep and decompressed from the craziness a bit.)
It’s amazing how Joy can pour out of you – after hearing the news that the RV was running, and as I’m driving down the freeway with a giant grin on my face, I realized what this conversion symbolized for me.
Freedom! NOW it feels real!
And as soon as I realized This Is It I found myself with tears streaming down my face as I laughed and laughed and laughed. This is what Joy feels like; this is Freedom at it’s best! Who knew it would smell like Kung Pow Chicken?!
We’ve thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with Sara and Matt and their girls throughout the month. They joined us for our unschooling park days, brought us dinner while we packed and even stayed around for our farewell party today. Sara even video toured the RV! Matt and Justin and Sara and I are so much alike in so many ways; it made for some amazing connections that we can only hope to develop more in the future. We had a blast and can’t wait to see them again on the road (if everything works according to plan, Sara and I may be planning something very cool, very soon).
There’s some other really, super cool news to go along with all this grease, but I’ll have to save that for Justin to share as well. 
We said our first round of goodbyes today.
One of my closest friends is also the mom of one of Zeb’s closest friends and when we went to pick Zeb up from their sleepover, we did our best to say goodbye to Elizabeth before she heads out of town tomorrow. She was one of the first real-life unschooling moms I met and her gentle, affirming interactions with her son helped propel my embrace of unschooling. She is an amazing, open and authentic person and her approach to life is so mindful and inspiring. She is always the person I call when I need someone to truly hear me but she has an amazing way of helping me see things clearer, as well. Never judgmental, always thoughtful and always in my heart. I love you, Elizabeth.
Then we got news that Zeb’s very best friend won’t be able to see Zeb before we go. It broke my heart to tell Zeb and it crushed him when I couldn’t offer an explanation. His friend will be sorely missed. 
Then it was time to send off my grandparents. They have a one-way ticket and their sister’s estate to care for and as much as we all wish Death could work around our schedules, it’s never quite that convenient. While we are hoping to remain in Vegas until they return, we didn’t want to risk missing them and so we helped send them off tonight. It was very difficult to feel rushed; my grandma and I held each other for as long as we could hold back tears. I can’t describe how difficult it is to feel as if I’m losing any time with them at all and yet not have the time I’d like to really say goodbye see you soon.
The goodbyes are the worst part and this is only the beginning. Justin has a breakfast date with his dad tomorrow, we still have a going away party on Saturday and we’re planning a Life Learner sleepover on Sunday. I’m sure every one of those events will be difficult in its own way.
I’m so ready to leave Las Vegas, I just don’t know how to leave the people I love.
It wasn’t all sad news today, however. Justin received the veggie oil tank a day early and they will begin the final steps of the install tomorrow (if only he had time to keep up with his blog!). I got a wonderful, albeit also bittersweet, email from a friend and former client whom I hope to see this weekend (why we were never closer or found more time to hang out, I’m not sure). And now Zeb and I have our vintage suitcase packed with a few days worth of belongings and are spending the time at my mom’s.
And the days keep counting down…
Yesterday, in the middle of my post-meltdown stupor, I received my Compassionate Parenting Tips email. It asked me this:
When your needs are met it is easier to meet your child’s needs, too. What needs – yours and your child’s – aren’t currently being met as well as you would like?
It then went on to suggest making a list of our needs and simple, inexpensive ways to meet those needs right now.
There are a lot of things we need right now that we aren’t getting: down time/processing time, time spent together, healthier food, an unchanging plan, a bit more “simplicity”. We’re rushing around trying to get everything down by a date we chose and driving ourselves mad in the meantime.
Yesterday was my breaking point and several things have happened since to confirm what I didn’t want to hear.
First, we have a ton to do in the house and the RV and unless I suddenly get an unsuspected surge of healing energy, it just ain’t gonna happen in three days. Second, the tank for the veggie conversion will not be here until Friday, which means Benny will be lucky to make his own going away party on Saturday. Third, Zeb had a total meltdown last night over a spilled glass of water and I was so emotionally drained it was a serious struggle to be present and helpful with him and that is NOT how I want to start this adventure.
Next, in my inbox this morning was this horrible, hideous picture of me from Sara (not horrible because she took it; she did the best she could given the circumstances!) and a note:
Here is the photo I took today…you look weary, tired, beat
Looking at this and reading what she wrote made me realize I’m practically killing myself to get out of Vegas by Monday. And for what? No matter when we leave, these last few days will fly by. A couple extra days will go by in a blink, too. Why the rush? (I know why: I’m excited to shake the dust of this town off my feet and finally feel as if I’m living Authentically. I want to go!)
Then, I woke up this morning to a message that my grandfather’s sister has passed away (I didn’t know her) and my Grandma and Grandpa are leaving town today and won’t be able to say goodbye if we leave on Monday. And that pretty much confirms it; we aren’t leaving until I get time to properly say goodbye to my grandparents.
I may not be able to meet every need of ours right now, but the simple act of slowing down and letting go of this arbitrary deadline will enable me to meet quite a few.
So, there you have it. I’m (re)learning to let go. I have no idea when we’ll leave and I may not like that fact, but it is what it is. I am NOT in control of everything. And I don’t want to control it at the risk of blocking opportunities trying to come our way. That is not what this journey is about for me. And I can’t remain open to what it is about if I’m stressing over something like this.
