Patterns of Messiness

Life has been interesting lately. Thankfully “interesting” is not code for “really overwhelming” or “downright shitty” although we’ve had those moments here or there.

No, interesting in that we’re hitting a good stride, pieces are falling into place, while new challenges arise that actually don’t knock us senseless. We’ve been creating and recreating and the hubby and I both have tons of goodness coming to all of you this year.

The photo above is of the living area of our RV.

There’s a rocket project on the table, clean and dirty dishes in the sink, juggling props on the seat, piles of pillows and blankets on the couch (which has been almost permanently folded down into a bed for over a week). What you can’t see is the piles of clothing in our room or the piles of…well, piles of piles in Zeb’s.

Yes, it only takes us 5 minutes to straighten up and 30 to clean from top to bottom. But it only takes about as long to get it dirty again.

This used to drive me batty.

Being a highly sensitive person, my exterior surroundings would seriously affect my interior surroundings. And they still do – I spent the morning cleaning up our room and we spent a few minutes last night tidying up the living area.

The more I practice my own mindfulness the smoother my day runs, the easier I take the (literal and figurative) ”messy” parts of life in stride, the more grounded I can feel when Life happens (or threatens to topple down on us).

My biggest struggle is in allowing myself to create the space I need to practice the very things that help me to feel this way.

My pattern USUALLY goes like this:

• Realize I need to fill my cup – badly
• Go into Catch-up mode to love myself better
• Feel amazing, empowered, productive and grounded
• So amazing, empowered, productive and grounded that I forget I need to maintain this practice DAILY
• Realize I’ve neglected myself again and try to catch up

I was talking with my girlfriends a couple weeks ago. We connect as a group on the phone nearly every week to collectively support one another in our personal and professional goals, and we took a moment to touch on the things that we get to do for ourselves right now as we focus on some deeper things.

As they were each sharing, it clicked for me that my goal of water-food-essential oils-walking-yoga-meditation-fun-downtime-unpluggedness was NOT what I was really needing.

All of those things spring organically from one place – my mindfulness and my commitment to meeting myself and Spirit in Stillness.

In short, what was a list I was about to rattle off to them became one thing – meditation.

Each and every day I meet that Stillness, the actions of drinking enough water or eating the right foods or getting up and moving or choosing to shut it all down or keeping up with the clutter happen organically.

I know this and yet I allowed myself to be distracted from it.

Again.

Stillness is where I see my next step clearly. Stillness is where I hear my Organic Wisdom speaking. Stillness is where I access my creativity and where all my best ideas come from. Stillness is where I THRIVE.

And I resist it.

And I resist doing the work to DIG IN to why I resist it.

Until I’m running on empty and coaching myself toward my own work again. (Funny how that happens. )

Right now I’m enjoying the quiet of the library (and fast wifi – hallelujah) and breathing and feeling grounded and productive because I took 10 minutes today to stretch and breath. I didn’t meditate. But I did choose mindfulness, my living meditation. And I’m feeling the affects.

I’m also feeling that whisper that asks, “Why do you resist what you know is so, so good?” And I’m stubbornly answering with “I’ll get to that later.”

And I’m smiling at myself and the utter ridiculousness of human resistance and acknowledging the pattern…not just of the pattern of my own messiness but of learning what the messiness is still teaching me.