Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds

The past few days have found me in a place I’m rather surprised to be in. I’m am 100% sure of myself and my decision to unschool, and yet I’ve found fear in presenting our choice to my extended family.

I stayed up late last night, and over-mulled this predicament in my head – asking myself why I feel this way and how I was going to handle it at our upcoming family gathering. With this being the start of a new school year for most, I am sure the questions will be inevitable and unschooling (and especially radical unschooling) has been a topic I’ve only brought up with my mother.

I realized two things that bothered me about the possibility of opposition in my loved ones (a strangers opposition is mostly humorous to me now). First was the fact that I didn’t want my son, who has come so far, to get caught up in any negativity regarding something he whole-heartedly enjoys.

The second, was truly out of love and respect. I am doing something so different than what my family does. Part of me is afraid they will take this as rejection of them or an implication that I’m doing it differently because they did something wrong. My family is my world and I’m afraid of unintentionally offending them.

I went to bed creating scenarios in my mind and ways to approach them, but it was what happened after I fell asleep that helped me arrive where I am now.

I dreamt I was pulling weeds and planting seeds. The weeds were not numerous but some were stubborn and liked to appear where I least expected them to, and the seeds didn’t always take in the spot I first planned.

But what hit me about this dream is the fact that I was so content in my task. I joyfully moved things around, made mistakes but lovingly accepted them and did what I could to fix them, and was happy focusing not on the outcome but on my role in the job itself. I was not upset over the weeds; I didn’t pull them in anger. I truly appreciated them! Without them, I may not have had the motivation to make things more beautiful. Without them, I may have been content with scraggly plants and unblossoming flowers.

My family is truly amazing and supportive. I know they may question our actions but I also know it is out of nothing more than love. What we are doing is foreign and therefore worrisome. But I’m content in my role in the family. They are the ones who encouraged me to be myself, to follow my heart and my intuition. If it were not for them, I wouldn’t be the person or the parent I am today. And I’m joyful in the fact that with newfound knowledge I can take what they gave me even further.

I’ve gone from fear and worry to excitement and anticipation. I’m not sure how it will turn out but I have faith however it happens will be for the good of those involved. Coming from a place of love can only sprout beauty, if for no other reason than love is blind!