Every New Year’s I can look back and sum up the entire year in one word or phrase.
2007 was about Letting Go and Trusting. It was the year I sold my business, the year we embraced unschooling, the year my perspective as a parent changed for the better. It was also the year I lost my dad. And really started to find myself. I think it will always feel like the year my life – my authentic life – started.
2008 was all about Judgment. It was a tough year but I can honestly look back on it with appreciation. It was the year my dreads went in and I learned so much about the judgment of others. There were others choices I made that year – choices I thought I’d never make – that taught me no person nor their decisions can ever be known or understood fully and therefore judgment (in the meanest form of the word) has little place in my heart. It was a hard year. But I feel I’m a better person for experiencing all of 2008.
One of my favorite photos/places of the year.
Looking back at 2009, all I can see is Change. Obviously the last four months have been an unprecedented upheaval. But it started long before that with our plans and Justin’s prediction. It makes for a strange year in retrospect – as if we lived the entire thing in limbo, looking forward while being stuck in (what felt like) our past: the place we’ve always been and don’t want to be anymore.
We changed our entire home, changed dust to real soil, changed our minds a dozen times.
And finally we made the choices that will ultimately change our lives and bring about so much unknown change, it’s overwhelming.
Another word that could describe this year for me is Acceptance. Accepting that which I cannot change and have no control over. Specifically in one area. Although it’s still a work in progress, I’m accepting that pregnancy is not going to happen for us. Seven years and enough losses to still hurt, and I’m ready to let go. Hindsight’s perfect vision is the most difficult here, seeing choices I would have made differently “if I’d only known then...” But I can only spend so much time in painful retrospect while life goes on without me. It’s time to accept what is and move on.
I don’t know what next year will bring, although definitely more change and likely some adventures are in store. There are things I’ll be looking and hoping for – community, connection, direction. But I’m not going to attempt to nail down next year’s purpose. The possibilities are too vast. Instead, I’m trying to remain open to what the road will bring and allow it unfold how it will.
To all of you I’ve “met” through this blog and hope to soon meet in person, I wish you all a phenomenal and memorable 2010.
And may our lives continue to intersect in extraordinary and meaningful ways.
My name is Tara. I am a mama and a lover, a full-time nomad, a passionate devourer of Life and an Organic Life Coach.
I really enjoy your blog, your growth and exploration. I find it exhilirating and inspiring. I look forward to your 2010 and, of course, me and my family’s.
Merry, merry new year to you.
Wishing you the very best in the coming year! If in your wanderings you come anywhere near Montreal, Quebec, I know that I, and my family, would love to meet you guys!
I have to admit I haven’t had much time to read some great blogs I book-marked months ago – yours is on my list. Glad I stopped by today. I have similar themes for the same years. My son was born in 2007 and my Dad passed away 5 months before he was born. It was a bittersweet year. Judgment of myself and how others mothered crept in – to justify my less popular choices in parenting. I let up on myself and others in 2009 and it was a huge year of change. My family, including my mom, moved to London from California in September. So, sister, I’m with you! Here’s to growth, good health, love and adventure in 2010!
I’m glad you are coming to terms with things and growing from year-to-year–it’s important. I didn’t know about the pregnancy thing, and I’m sorry. I know it can really hurt, but look at this way: you’ll never have to break bones to bring one into the world.
(Just a small joke.) My friend’s mom could not have any children after her, for whatever strange reason, and so she adopted a baby girl. Now she has an Asian sister, and it’s a neat addition to the family.
I think adopting not only saves the child’s life from having to be one of the poor children that stays with an adoption agency until she’s like sixteen or something, but something about the neat addition–from a foreign country or not–makes them special. S/he would have a lot to learn about your family, and you about their background. I’ve often considered it just because bringing a child into the world makes me cringe. Whenever it comes on a sitcom or something, I refuse to watch that episode, just because something about it makes me completely uncomfortable…
Anyway! Enough rambling about that, considering, you may not even be able to relate. I hope your New Year is amazing! Good luck on your ventures!
I am so glad my friend recommended your blog this summer. I identify with you both in the way you value the growth that comes from struggle, and the particular way you choose to write about it. You aren’t afraid to share your strong opinions, yet you never sound preachy. And you share enough personal details to keep me interested and engaged, yet your posts usually have some sort of larger theme, universal to all your readers. ((Hugs)) for your pregnancy losses. We are actually in exact opposite places right now, but I’ve lived in the pit of repeat miscarriages long enough to know how it can mess with a person. If acceptance feels right, I hope it will free you to live out your other dreams. Thanks for sharing your writings!
Happy New Year! May 2010 be full of sweet surprises and love.
great blog. I enjoy reading all your inspiring posts! I hope your new year is bright and wonderful…
Happy New Year to you and your family! I have really enjoyed your blog over the last year and I’m looking forward to what you write in 2010!
Love the photo and I also love the idea of being able to capture the year in one word. Our year has also been filled with changes – ones I never would have imagined last January 1st! Being open and accepting the ideas as they come makes such a more vivid life doesn’t it?
Happy New years to you and your family and I look forward to your musings in 2010!
Namaste!
Wow, Tara, what a last few years! I was really touched reading about what the last couple of years have brought you… I like the idea of looking back and discovering the theme of a year.
Here’s to what’s to come!
Blessings,
Stacy
Here’s to a fantastic 2010. Let me know if you ever want to talk adoption. Love your blog!
Thanks for such an honest, beautiful post. Best of everything in twenty ten.