The only blog post in which I can talk about Rocky Horror Picture Show and the Ego in one breath (okay, maybe two)
This little piece of fringe culture has been on my Bucket List for like, 87 years. Literally.
Or it was on my Bucket List. Because we went recently and it was beyond epic. We sat out in the cold. We threw rice. We yelled profanities. And Justin even did the Time Warp (happily he has no rhythm, which made it that much better).
This weekend I’m getting my nose re-pierced. Something I’ve been wanting to do for nearly a flipping decade since I took my last one out.
Next spring I’m doing something so beyond epic that it makes me giddy and terror-stricken 4 months in advance. (I’m going to fly a glider plane. Yes, Mom. A GLIDER plane!)
These are just a few of the 31 things I wanted to do in the past 49.5 weeks.
Last year I would’ve felt pretty lame and frustrated that so few things have happened, and not at all in my timeline. But so much has changed within me this year, that it just makes sense that it’s all coming to fruition these past few months.
Looking back, I can see quite clearly that Life took my requests and said in reply, “Okay, here’s what we get to do to make these things happen.” And then it set this giant mousetrap contraption into motion that catalyzed a string of events that has lead us all to this place, this time, this state of being. And now it’s all starting to come to fruition. (And who knows, maybe it’ll even be finished by next year.)
I knew I was going to learn how to Surrender when that Guiding Word chose me last year.
I had no idea it would turn out this good.
I had no idea it would feel this easy. (You know, 9 months later. Cuz it wasn’t easy last January.)
I had no idea Life would bring us to a new home. Bring me to a new community. Bring me a library card. Show me how to let those last shreds of fear go so that I could so completely love and accept myself, with all the weird and crazy things I want to do. Then introduce me to the people who would help me make them a reality. (Including a flight instructor, yo!)
I was talking over coffee with my local yogis about desires and the things we want, how sometimes our journey is to learn to let those things go, to practice non-attachment and release them in meditation. But how sometimes it’s just easier (and more fun!) to say “hell with it” and make them happen.
I’m doing a lot of that “making them happen” right now. But it’s different than ever before.
My goals and intentions and Guiding Words aren’t one big Ego trip now.
There’s no attachment to the outcome.
There’s no story of what they mean when they happen the way I plan or turn out radically different than I imagined.
They’re just things I’m having fun with. And if they go another way, I’m having fun in that direction too.
Looking back, I can see the practice it took to get to this point (while I remind myself I’m in no way “done”, nor should I resist moving past this point). It wasn’t like I could just have jumped into this (oh, I tried – talk about an Ego trip, just try “positively thinking” your way to enlightenment…no actually, don’t). I had to spend a lot of years in deconstruction mode.
But what I’m finding after all this deconstructing I’ve done in my own thoughts and beliefs is that the next step for me is NOT reconstruction…at least not from my mind. This feels a lot more like things are just doing their thing, building up around me, while I just watch and play. Nice for a change.