In an effort not to bore you with any details, I’ll keep this one short and sweet.

My time management goal is going beautifully and easy. I’ve plugged in enough tasks into what my body dictates to keep the house managed without overdoing it. As Hillary said, it’s as if I’ve slowed down time. ::deep sigh of relief::

I’m questioning my priorities as to playing the harmonica. Even when I have the time, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. I think I’m going to allow myself to drop this goal until life brings it up again. All in due time…

Most of the remaining rooms on my decluttering list are half done, making me think I have a problem with follow-through. The only rooms yet to be touched are the art room and Zeb’s room and if you were to see them, you’d understand my procrastination. I did however get all our discarded stuff in boxes so it’s not cluttering the garage. I’m waffling on the yard sale but I refuse to make any decisions on the matter more than 24 hours in advance.

How is everyone else doing on their goals?

I should know myself by now. I should know it is against my very nature to do anything without a fair amount of thinking and over-thinking. I should also know that every summer I feel a furious, soul-digging, nerve-tapping impetus that presses me to upheave my existence and examine beneath every rock or rotting log. May and June are uncomfortable and disagreeable. July never fails to change me indefinitely. Taking on a challenge at this time of year – a challenge that encourages me to do more than I think – is a denial of the almighty Who I Am. Because as I try and try to make changes or finish tasks or accomplish something – anything – that Still Small Voice begins to whisper, asking me why I’m fighting the current it’s providing.

“But if our deepest soul’s longing is to wake up and fully occupy the human life we have, and if we can do this anywhere we are willing to be fully present, what then is this incredible attachment to and preoccupation with getting the details of our life situation to conform to what we want, to what we think is necessary or ideal?

…because the consciousness that is larger than we are never forgets that it is not where we go[/are] or what we do but the level of awareness we bring to our actions that determines whether or not we are fully living our life’s purpose.” – excerpts from The Call: Discovering Why You Are Here by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

These quotes jumped out at me recently. They challenged me, as this author always challenges me. They stopped me in my tracks and forced me to listen to the aforementioned question of “Why”. Thus my goals for the Doing, Not Thinking Challenge have been turned on their head. I went into this thinking I could finally grab the bull by the horns and tackle this persistent mental upset. But no sooner than I began than my body began its most serious protests. My back pain, being the newest catalyst to my constant self-realization, insisted I pace myself. And from that nagging insistence has come a beautiful turn of events.

I gave in. That was my first move but far from my first reaction. However, I allowed myself the rest my body is demanding. I’ve taken time – an hour or more – to wake up slowly and peacefully. I sit in my garden in the cool of the morning and write and read or pray and meditate or play harmonica. Those energizing moments give me enough strength to focus on just a few tasks for the morning – gardening, a single load of laundry, a vacuumed floor – before my body insists I slow down again. So, before lunch approaches we read or play a game or color and draw together. By the time afternoon rolls around my back is insisting I relax, so I have several hours before dinner to lay on the couch with an ice pack and the laptop.

My body forced me to let go of my frenetic impulse to micro-manage my time. I had little choice but to tune in…and listen…and allow it to unfold however it dictated. And from my surrender has flowed this natural rhythm and pace to my day that is so peaceful and fulfilling that I wonder how in the world I ever felt so crazy, hectic, out of control to begin with. As I abdicate my will once again, I have to ask myself how many times must I be reminded to Let Go and allow the obvious path to unfurl and lay at my feet the direction to meander. It always does. Always. I just have to stop trying to run ahead. I just have to remember.

Decluttering has all-together been another story. Pacing myself means fractions of the time needed is actually available, so while I’ve done a tad here or a smidge there, nothing measurable has been accomplished in awhile, thus leaving me feeling frustrated and more than a little uninspired, even disgusted, with the state of my estate. Not that it is “disgusting” by the common meaning of the word. Just that I am disgusted with it. I look around and so little of it fits me. I could toss 85% of my home’s contents without feeling any serious loss. Only Justin has intervened from our home being an echoing building with nowhere to sit.

I ask myself what I want to see in this space and answer with “things”: styles or items. But when I ask myself what I want to feel in this place the replies hint of comfort and art, beauty and love, inspiration and color, music and peace. How do you go about capturing feelings, anyway?

And then in my quieter moments I read the quotes above and wonder if I’m on the wrong track again. Does/should it matter that my surroundings are not my perfect ideal? The things around me feed me or drain me; this I know. But I know I can’t be fully at peace with anything until I find peace right where I am. And looking at the space around me only one word comes to mind:

Dammit.

I feel like I’ve done a fair amount of both. Okay, probably more thinking. But I have a lot to think about. Justin is switching companies this week. He received a job offer that will last through December (as opposed to the current job ending in September). I’ve been contemplating opening up my entrepreneurial brain again with an idea I’ve been chewing on for some time (but have yet to gnaw through). And that’s just the financial side of things. As for an update on the challenge, here goes:

Goal #1 – Time Management

This has basically gone down the crapper. I’m not sure if it is because it is unrealistic of me to assume I can as easily micro-manage real life, as I could a business or if I’m just not feeling it. Perhaps all I can hope for is a personal morning routine that leaves me ready for the day, a reminder to make lunch and a well-written and noticeably displayed To-Do list for the rest of the stuff. Stick with what works for ya, right?

My mornings have been nice. I wake up early, spend time tending the garden, then escape into a shaded chair with a good book until Zeb wakes up. Lunch is still a pain – we’re never hungry ’til we’re starving, leaving us too jittery to handle a knife and too cranky to speak to each other. Ah, gotta love us hypoglycemics!

I don’t feel the computer is consuming my life anymore, though. In fact, I’ve been enjoying so many other things I have to remind myself to check my email or (gasp!) update my blog. Can you blame me? It’s June in Las Vegas and the temps have dipped to the 80′s! Who can stay inside??

Goal #2 – Harmonica

I chose my song! All My Loving by The Beatles. It’s pretty simple to play and I’m already memorizing it. I definitely need a new harp but I’m practicing with a plastic one to avoid swelling of the reed so I can put off a purchase for a bit longer.

Goal #3 – Decluttering

In the past two weeks, I finished the master bathroom, and my closet and drawers. I moved our Goodbye Pile into the garage but I need to box it better so it’s stackable and saves space.

This goal has kinda flopped because of back pain. I have a fused spine as a result of scoliosis. But even with major surgery, things are not aligned and the doctor (who has the worst staff and office management ever) thinks the lumbar discs, as well as the cartilage in my knee are degenerating. I’d know the results of the MRI if my appointment wasn’t royally screwed up. So, because of the back pain, I’ve been pretty limited on what I can do each day. I’m trying to take it easy and it’s leaving me restless and frustrated. Hopefully I’ll have answers and physical therapy soon. I started acupuncture last week, as well as chiro care. I think muscle strengthening is going to be key but I’m having a hard time doing it on my own without causing more pain.