Posts Tagged "emotions"

When Your Good Life Makes Others Feel Guilty

I’ve been seeing a lot of those posts on Facebook, where a person apologizes for loving their life too loudly, and reassures everyone that it’s not actually perfect. They explain that they tend to focus on the good for their own benefit, but then they might rattle off all the things that suck to assure others that they are not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I’m torn on this. I understand the intention. I know none of us wants to portray something that isn’t realistic. And I know we want to be mindful of how our actions affect another human being. But is bringing our mindfulness practice, our personal growth, our spiritual awareness, or joy, or our embodiment of love down a level really helping anyone (ourselves included)? You all know I share the depths of my soul, my emotional tornados, and my process through it all quite freely….

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More thoughts on parenting a teenager

Zeb woke up a little after noon yesterday, his 13th birthday. I could tell from the look in his eyes that something was unsettled within him. For the next 90 minutes we walked softly, gauging his needs. He was quiet, teetering on the edge of irritable. Not what we expected, but not uncommon either. It was several weeks ago that we started talking about his birthday. He had made a list of everything he wanted (which was 95% Halo related) but his anticipation ended there. Or at least his excited anticipation. When we asked what we wanted to do, I got a clue as to his feelings. It is his 13th birthday so we had planned to do something big. After all, it’s not every year that your child becomes a teenager. I wanted to celebrate just as much as I thought he did. So we asked him what he…

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Organic Wisdom :: Opportunities for Anger

Every Friday I intend to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here. “Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like. :: “He made me so angry!” :: “You are making me angry!” :: “Stop what you’re doing before you make Mommy angry.” How often have we each heard those words coming out of our mouths? No one can “make us” angry. They just can’t. They can only trigger the anger that is dwelling within us, allowing us to experience the pain we’re burying beneath the anger. Sure, they can give us the opportunity to create anger. But that’s a choice too and we make ourselves out to…

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Anxiety, Overwhelm, Sorrow :: And All I Heard Was Love

It’s Sunday evening and my spirit feels spent but at peace. It started Thursday, as we were driving the 5th wheel through the hills of Tennessee, reaching Knoxville during rush hour traffic, when the engine began to struggle for the power to pull 16,000 lbs up the steep incline. We were on our way to surprise our family, who was gathering in Nashville to celebrate six generations, and my heart wanted to be there, not broke down in the parking lot of a Toys R Us. It started there, but it didn’t stop there. Our weekend looked a little like this: Stress: The feeling when you send the truck up the hill on not much more than prayers. Anxiety: What creeps in when you almost don’t make. Frustration: When it’s 6:20 but everything closes at 6pm and you realize you’ll be sleeping in the parking lot right in front of…

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Where I Am

First, thank you all for the numerous comments and emails and love. I’m sorry I haven’t (and won’t) reply to them individually, but that doesn’t mean I’m not rereading them daily. I’ve been a walking dreamer these past few days. Keeping up with conversations and chores and obligations and trips out and play and life in general, but with a pervasive and ever-present ghost hanging behind each thought or action. Not just my sadness haunting me, but also the presence of a big, fat “What If”. But that is more depth and questioning than I feel I can (or want to) do justice to at the moment. So I’ve kept busy. Hiking, taking photos, working around the house and yard. I even took a yoga class. But to write about any of it doesn’t seem to want to happen. I think this is the first time in my life when…

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Slow Dancing

This week marks the second pregnancy I’ve lost in six months. Both times I felt early on that something was amiss and braced myself for the worst. But no amount of bracing can prepare your heart for such a devastation as this. I’ve dealt with the awareness of secondary infertility for six years now. It’s been a tender bruise on my heart that I’ve masked from most of the world. Wrapped up in disappointment after disappointment are the feelings of guilt and failure. Of being less of a woman; incapable of giving a brother or sister to a little boy who’s learned how sore the subject is; unable to give a birth child to the man who told me of his only heart’s desire on our second date. I’ve railed against (what I know as and call) Gd and fate, my own body and my own choices for what feels like…

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