Family | The Organic Sister

Bittersweet Thursday

February 25, 2010 By TheOrganicSister 7 Comments

We said our first round of goodbyes today.

One of my closest friends is also the mom of one of Zeb’s closest friends and when we went to pick Zeb up from their sleepover, we did our best to say goodbye to Elizabeth before she heads out of town tomorrow. She was one of the first real-life unschooling moms I met and her gentle, affirming interactions with her son helped propel my embrace of unschooling. She is an amazing, open and authentic person and her approach to life is so mindful and inspiring. She is always the person I call when I need someone to truly hear me but she has an amazing way of helping me see things clearer, as well. Never judgmental, always thoughtful and always in my heart. I love you, Elizabeth.

Then we got news that Zeb’s very best friend won’t be able to see Zeb before we go. It broke my heart to tell Zeb and it crushed him when I couldn’t offer an explanation. His friend will be sorely missed.

Then it was time to send off my grandparents. They have a one-way ticket and their sister’s estate to care for and as much as we all wish Death could work around our schedules, it’s never quite that convenient. While we are hoping to remain in Vegas until they return, we didn’t want to risk missing them and so we helped send them off tonight. It was very difficult to feel rushed; my grandma and I held each other for as long as we could hold back tears. I can’t describe how difficult it is to feel as if I’m losing any time with them at all and yet not have the time I’d like to really say goodbye see you soon.

The goodbyes are the worst part and this is only the beginning. Justin has a breakfast date with his dad tomorrow, we still have a going away party on Saturday and we’re planning a Life Learner sleepover on Sunday. I’m sure every one of those events will be difficult in its own way.

I’m so ready to leave Las Vegas, I just don’t know how to leave the people I love.

It wasn’t all sad news today, however. Justin received the veggie oil tank a day early and they will begin the final steps of the install tomorrow (if only he had time to keep up with his blog!). I got a wonderful, albeit also bittersweet, email from a friend and former client whom I hope to see this weekend (why we were never closer or found more time to hang out, I’m not sure). And now Zeb and I have our vintage suitcase packed with a few days worth of belongings and are spending the time at my mom’s.

And the days keep counting down…

Filed Under: Life on the Road, People I Love Tagged With: family, friends, goodbyes, RV transitioning, transitioning

Needs vs Wants vs Reality

February 24, 2010 By TheOrganicSister 22 Comments

Yesterday, in the middle of my post-meltdown stupor, I received my Compassionate Parenting Tips email. It asked me this:

When your needs are met it is easier to meet your child’s needs, too. What needs – yours and your child’s – aren’t currently being met as well as you would like?

It then went on to suggest making a list of our needs and simple, inexpensive ways to meet those needs right now.

There are a lot of things we need right now that we aren’t getting: down time/processing time, time spent together, healthier food, an unchanging plan, a bit more “simplicity”. We’re rushing around trying to get everything down by a date we chose and driving ourselves mad in the meantime.

Yesterday was my breaking point and several things have happened since to confirm what I didn’t want to hear.

First, we have a ton to do in the house and the RV and unless I suddenly get an unsuspected surge of healing energy, it just ain’t gonna happen in three days. Second, the tank for the veggie conversion will not be here until Friday, which means Benny will be lucky to make his own going away party on Saturday. Third, Zeb had a total meltdown last night over a spilled glass of water and I was so emotionally drained it was a serious struggle to be present and helpful with him and that is NOT how I want to start this adventure.

Next, in my inbox this morning was this horrible, hideous picture of me from Sara (not horrible because she took it; she did the best she could given the circumstances!) and a note:

Here is the photo I took today…you look weary, tired, beat And yet, still beautiful! I wanted to just send it to you for your records. So you can remember. That you got rid of all your possessions…and you survived.

Looking at this and reading what she wrote made me realize I’m practically killing myself to get out of Vegas by Monday. And for what? No matter when we leave, these last few days will fly by. A couple extra days will go by in a blink, too. Why the rush? (I know why: I’m excited to shake the dust of this town off my feet and finally feel as if I’m living Authentically. I want to go!)

Then, I woke up this morning to a message that my grandfather’s sister has passed away (I didn’t know her) and my Grandma and Grandpa are leaving town today and won’t be able to say goodbye if we leave on Monday. And that pretty much confirms it; we aren’t leaving until I get time to properly say goodbye to my grandparents.

I may not be able to meet every need of ours right now, but the simple act of slowing down and letting go of this arbitrary deadline will enable me to meet quite a few.

So, there you have it. I’m (re)learning to let go. I have no idea when we’ll leave and I may not like that fact, but it is what it is. I am NOT in control of everything. And I don’t want to control it at the risk of blocking opportunities trying to come our way. That is not what this journey is about for me. And I can’t remain open to what it is about if I’m stressing over something like this.

Filed Under: Life on the Road, Organic Parenting Tagged With: family, RV transitioning

Broke Down Benny

January 14, 2010 By TheOrganicSister 41 Comments

We were suppose to be in Death Valley tonight. We packed Benny up and headed out around 11am. But we didn’t get far.

Less than 30 miles outside Las Vegas, Benny broke down. A puff of smoke from the dash, a burnt smell and the engine and electrical controls turned off.

At first I really couldn’t be upset. I just kept thinking it could have been so much worse – an accident, the transmission, something requiring a fire extinguisher. We could have been in the middle of the desert without cell service. And that’s what this trip was about anyway; a test run. So instead of stressing out, we played games and kept Justin from getting frustrated as he tinkered. His dad drove out in hopes of helping. But in the end, and with the help of a friend’s phone book back home, we had to call a tow truck.

That’s about the time I started to get discouraged. I feel like this damn city has a stranglehold on me and refuses to let us leave. Following the tow truck back to the mechanic was disheartening enough but as we turned onto our street I felt even more depressed. It had that foreign but familiar feeling already – like you get when you’ve been away for a lot longer than 7 hours. I know it was only suppose to be a two day trip but it felt like the beginning of something brought to a rather abrupt end. And here we are: stuck and begrudged.

I’ve spent the last several hours going through the gamut of emotions – from amused over the story we’ll someday retell to disappointed. I’ve questioned whether this was a sign we are on the wrong path…or just a sign we bought the wrong RV.

And I’ve wondered what we’ll do without the support system we had in place today, without a parent to give us a lift or a friend to make a call. Will we be able to manage when it’s just the three of us in the middle of nowhere?

And for fuck’s sake, will this RV even make it to the middle of nowhere when it can’t even make it to the state line?

Update: We picked the RV up today (the 15th; less than 24 hours after dropping it off.) The mechanic said the electrical wiring under the dash was a mess, with lots of extraneous wiring and poorly connected. Apparently, one of the wires touched something metal which fried the whole thing. The kicker: Had we known or discovered the potential problem, it would have cost us $15 for a DIY repair. I don’t even want to think about what it cost us instead. ::sigh:: Oh, well. Such is life, shit happens and all that jazz. We’re hoping to reschedule our trip within a week and are crossing our fingers all will be well!

Filed Under: Life on the Road Tagged With: authenticity, broken down, disappointment, family, frustrations, hopes, RV, this sucks

The Fearless Girl and Her Egg

January 5, 2010 By TheOrganicSister 13 Comments

My niece, Savana, is energetic, empowered, independent, and determined. (The very qualities we want in our adults, but that can be exhausting to encourage in our two years old!) She literally ran me dizzy while we played today. She loves to laugh and move and she simply must know things for herself without taking anyone’s word for it. She’s also fearless (except for a brief stint of being afraid of her Uncle Justin – we suspect it was the beard – until she realized what a softie he is).

I can’t say that I would have been as bold when I was two years old. I’m not even brave enough now to feed those chickens from my hand! Their peck is hard! But Savana wasn’t phased. She fed them, talked to them, I think at one point she tried to kiss them (that could have ended badly).

Then she helped her Uncle Justin check for eggs and was pretty happy to have found one! We packaged it up to protect it from an overzealous grip and sent her home with her very own breakfast, courtesy of Skittles and Roxy.

Filed Under: Organic Living, People I Love Tagged With: eggs, family, food not lawns, locavore, niece, pets

Could I Love You More?

November 23, 2009 By TheOrganicSister 17 Comments

He’s spent the last two months working his (rather nice, if I do say so myself) tush off renovating the RV during any spare moment he can afford. He wakes up on his days off and feeds the chickens for me. He cooks me dinner when I have cramps. And he pulls the truck around so I don’t have to walk in the cold.

He’s silly and handsome. He has the best smile in the world. And when I twist up my face while I trim his (massive) beard, he tells me how beautiful I am.

He’s playful and open-hearted and engages with Zeb on Zeb’s level. He makes us laugh until we roll off the bed. And he holds us if we have a scary dream.

He’s usually tired and left with little time or energy to follow his own passions.

But as his current job winds down, and his layoff becomes imminent, and the RV gets a step closer to complete, we’ve seen a fire in him. He’s overwhelmed with the infinite possibilities that lie ahead. He’s anxious to find what it is that is calling him. And every second is filled with one more plan, or idea, or dream.

He’s waking up. He’s consumed. He’s infectious.

And I’m thankful for every minute with this passionate man.