I’m lounging in my front yard with my laptop on my lap, trying to soak up the perfect weather while it’s nice. Kind of an odd place to be wading through all this semi-heavy stuff. I feel like I should be writing about my runner beans coming up or the yummy White Bean Dip recipe I just received from my friend, Rachel – you know, light-hearted, domestic type stuff to match the cool breeze and shady day.

But I was recently asked by a fellow (Twit? Twitterer?Tweeter?) Shane, to blog about my thoughts on money management from an unschooling perspective. And you know, given the chance, I love to act as if I know it all. Of course, I don’t. So these opinions are just mine, based on my life experiences and my interpretation of unschooling.

For starters, I personally believe the key to any good money management has to start with a healthy view of money. It can’t be a love/hate relationship because those two extremes can cause unhealthy or unwise choices to be made.

Growing up with a single mom taught me a thing or two about money. Happily I can say it never taught me greed or a sense of deprivation. My mom taught me value vs affordability and enjoying those things that cost nothing vs endless consumption in hopes of inner happiness. Not to say we had constant conversations about it. In fact, I can’t remember a single conversation, although I’m sure there must have been some. It was more about the way we lived – frugally, buying quality over quantity, and enjoying simpler things. We didn’t have a lot, we rarely ate out but I never felt deprived because our emphasis wasn’t on money.

Compare that to my dad: he was constantly talking about money. He was an entrepreneur, albeit probably not a very good one towards the end of his life. He was always focusing on ways to save a buck, or earn a million. We heard constant lectures on working for oneself vs working for someone else. He was always searching for ways to “get rich” with a “passive income” so he didn’t have to work. Money, money, money. It wasn’t until the end of his life that his focus shifted slightly toward the quality of the inner life, rather than his financial status. But I had things at my dads I didn’t have at my moms: video games, a big screen TV, cable television, and constant meals out (at least one meal a day).

I’d like to hope I got the best of both worlds. A healthy view of what is really important in life with a entrepreneurial streak. I know I’ve always done better when working for myself but I’ve always been willing to set that aside for the people and things that truly mattered to me.

As a parent now I look at the two worlds I grew up with and I wonder what it was that created a healthy, balanced view of money. I’d like to think it’s the non-emphasis put on it by my mother, who was my major influencer in my life. Money simply “was”. It was something necessary in our society but it wasn’t something crucial. My mom showed me how you could live a happy life without outward abundance – that true abundance came from the love of friends and family. I’m sure there were plenty times she had to disappoint me by not buying something I wanted. But I can’t recall a single one.

What I do recall is the time my mom taught me how to use the calculator when balancing her checkbook (always hit clear three times, just in case). I remember her keeping diligent but not obsessive track of her money. I remember us “splurging” on a $2 Bernstein Bears book in the supermarket or an ice cream during the summer. I remember her working two to three jobs without complaint (and getting in free to Wet N’ Wild because of it). I remember leftovers night. I also remember one pivotal point as a thirteen year old, moving in with my father thinking it was “the good life” and realizing how devoid of depth or anything of quality it really was. But I do not remember worrying or stressing about money. It was just there and used wisely. No extra emphasis.

I try to bring the same attitude towards money with Zeb that my mom did. In my view, I would love to see him know the value of hard work, know how to save and budget, and not feel desperate to make money. I want him to be successful internally, so that the external comes easily. I don’t want him to become a hoarder or a stingy person afraid of not having enough. But I would also hope he wasn’t careless.

As of right now, at the ripe old age of 9 (and two-thirds!) I see Zeb with a mostly healthy view of money. I want to be able to provide him with things; I want him to know he can come to us with a request for something he deems important to him and that we will see the same value in it and help him obtain his goals. But sometimes it isn’t possible and in those times he knows his options.

Zeb knows how to solicit work  and he knows how to work hard. He knows no one wants to pay him for a job poorly done and that his ultimate and sustained success relies on his diligent work reputation. He knows how to budget his money and he graphs his earnings vs his expenditures. He knows how to comparison shop and he also has experience making tough financial decisions.

How did he learn all this?

First, we gave him an allowance. We can afford $10 a week, so that’s what he receives. But his allowance is never related to his chores. Justin and I believe that living together as a family comes with the responsibility of communal upkeep, thus we all do chores because it’s necessary to live how we wish to live (Zeb and I do most of the chores because Justin does the biggest chore – working outside the home). If he doesn’t do chores, he still gets paid because he’s part of the family and heaven knows I’ve skipped my chores, too. If we can’t afford allowance, he is still responsible for helping with chores. I think this works well for us. Zeb recently asked a grandparent if they had anything he could do to earn money. They said they didn’t but he thought they said they couldn’t pay him, thus he offered to do them for free, because that’s what families do. They help out. Talk about a proud mama moment.

Second, we let him spend his money any way he wants. It’s his money and other than small input from me (“Hey, I saw that cheaper elsewhere.”), I don’t feel I have any right to micro-manage his cash. I think this has had the biggest impact on his money management skills. We all learn better when we do for ourselves; when we have firsthand experience.

Third, we set an example. He sees us handling money and budgeting and balancing our statements. He hears me when I choose not to spend my money on something, opting to save it or look elsewhere. He knows we don’t use credit cards. I talk about our purchases or compare prices in front of him. But I don’t dictate or lecture. I also don’t act stingy.

I know this isn’t a perfect strategy. I know many unschoolers encourage finding any ways within your means to provide for your children’s desires – some even advocating debt – and trusting your children to learn to provide for themselves later in life. I respect that view deeply, understanding the desire to not want to create an atmosphere of deprivation which can support an unhealthy view of money. I see Zeb in a stage of “acquiring” – wanting to find ways to make money quickly and easily and constantly looking for more. I often wonder if because we don’t do all the things within our means to provide things for him if I’m creating a sense of deprivation; a sense of needing to hoard or constantly want for more.

But I honestly don’t believe so. I have more faith in my child than to believe he is or will be in a prevailing state of desperate acquisition. Money is still new to him now and the ability to earn more is an exciting revelation. I see him feeling empowered that he need not rely on his parents to provide and that he is only limited by his own boundaries. I see him beginning to understand the value of the work he does and choose wisely what is worth what to him. I also see him opening to the idea of giving to those in need, sharing what he has and helping others.

Okay, I’ve written a book and hopefully in it have answered any questions anyone has about how we do things. Of course, you can always ask me about something I didn’t cover or explain well. But please keep in mind; this is just us. Just one way of doing things. Maybe other unschoolers out there have more food for thought for Shane?