For reasons I’m not quite ready to elaborate on (and some you already know), life is a bit stressful right now.

So, I’m doing what any woman in her right mind should do: I’m postponing the chores, stocking up on long-awaited library loaners and curling up for some much needed down time.

I just finished The Highly Sensitive Child and my mind is reeling with thoughts. I can’t say that I loved it, although I did appreciate it. I ran across the theory several months ago and it really resonated with me.
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I would consider both Zeb and myself to be “highly sensitive people” – more easily affected by our surroundings or our emotions, irritated by noises or sensations that others don’t notice, and needing lots of time away from stimulation to feel balanced and whole, among other things. So by reading this book, I hoped for some more insight both into myself and Zeb, who can sometimes struggle more than others.

A note on the use of labels:

I’ve actively resisted labels in my own life and in the classification of my child. It’s not that I felt labels were evil; they help convey a message or classify our own stance. But I know the danger the respresent too, and how few of them actually fit the person they are blanketed over. But when I first came across this label, it just didn’t bother me. I realize for many it will and I totally get that. But I think for me, it was more validating than pigeon-holing. I also appreciated that the author states it is a blanket statement to define a variety of traits and that no two HSPs are alike. To me, it feels more like a tool to better communicate a personality, than a label to lock a person into a way of being.

Overall, the message of the book was that of acceptance and patience, which is both validating and conforting. But it still missed the mark for me. I think it was that some of her examples still came from such a traditional parenting standpoint, which doesn’t resonate with me personally.

However, I think the book was good in conveying that HSCs (highly sensitive children) are not abnormal and should be treated with compassion and understanding. There were many examples of advocating for our kids and listening to them. And there were plenty of techniques for handling itchy clothing, large crowds or other common issues. But I found less than I hoped for handling the more difficult aspects of sensitivity, such as when the world can seem depressing or an HSC can feel hopeless in it.

She included a blurb on homeschooling as an alternative, without much knowledge on the subject but huge amounts were dedicated to dealing with school. These were helpful in some ways, offering a few tips that could relate to us, but large portions were skimmed over as things like homework just didn’t apply.

One of the things that has most been on my mind, and I was surprised to see so little mentioned, was overstimulation from video games, computers and the like. I was hoping for an HSP perspective, rather than the typical ‘it’s all bad’ viewpoint you encounter when trying to find open, honest dialogue on the pros and cons of the topic. (I have a lot more to say about this in particular but I need to organize my own thoughts a bit more first.)

Overall, the book was great at affirming to parents that it’s okay; your kid is okay and they will be okay in the future. But the actual practical advice was nothing extraordinary that I haven’t read from the likes of Naomi Aldort or Alfie Kohn…just coming from an HSP perspective. I probably could’ve gotten away with reading the first section, explaining the traits, and the last section on kids and adolescents and been happy. I am still glad I read it and I do still recommend it for anyone raising an HSC, or even one who feels they were an HSC, but I probably got more from Allowing Your Highly Sensitive Child to Shine With Unschooling.

I’m still looking forward to reading The Highly Sensitive Person (hoping it will convey more helpful ideas and understanding for both of us), but I just started Playful Parenting and I’m loving it too much to put down!

What good parenting books have you read lately?