6 Signs of a Truly Happy Woman

Years ago I use to look at so many women and think they were so happy.

I’d wonder what their secret was to having that much joy.

Mama break in the jacuzzi. Love my tribe.  <3
Jacuzzi break with my spirit sistahs. Some deeply happy women, these ones.

As I grew to find and experience my own joy, I took another look at those women I had admired and was surprised at what I saw. From a different vantage point, there was a hollowness in their life and an emptiness in their words. I suddenly saw the harshness of their jokes or comments (about themselves or other women) and the lack of peace that I found comes with real joy.

Then as I began coaching, I spent a lot of time helping women DIG IN beneath the surface to find that ability to thrive.

And as I watched them rock things out in their lives I found a few things to repeat themselves, patterns of happiness and consciousness and confidence and the ability to truly thrive.

If you were to ask me what real happiness, serious joy, true thiving looks like, this is what I’ve seen.

6 Signs of a Seriously Thriving, Happy Woman

  1. She has space in her life for her own sadness, anger, frustration, sorrow: Women who seem “up” all the time are the ones I’ve come to worry about the most. Some of those women are battling with a belief that no one wants to hear from them unless they’re happy, and so they put on a mask in an attempt to gain approval. Others need to stay “up” all the time to prevent their world from crumbling. But truly happy women embrace their experiences of sadness, anger, frustration, sorrow or pain with authenticity and gentleness. They don’t hide how they feel, although they don’t project it onto others either. She doesn’t blame her emotions on others, or expect others to fix it for her. She simply sits with what stirs within her, examining it when necessary, trusting the ebb and flow of it without worry that it will overtake her. She knows that to experience deep joy she must learn from deep pain without drowning herself in it, without attaching to either, but simply trusting the process of life.
  2. She celebrates the beauty of others: You won’t find a truly joyful women with a critical eye towards others. No snarky remarks about other women; no judgment. Honesty about her experience of others, yes; but only in how she is experiencing it and what it is meaning to her. Criticism and negativity toward others is a poison that kills joy in mere moments. A truly joyful woman shares concern and compassion and naturally notices and celebrates the beauty, not the mistakes (or what she perceives as mistakes).
  3. She automatically assumes the best in others: A really happy woman doesn’t spend time taking shit personally. She knows it’s not always about her; in fact, it’s rarely about her. When someone says something or does something, she doesn’t take offense. She takes a stance of curiosity, assuming good intent and quieting any negative thoughts her mind sputters out. She asks genuine questions and continues to offer compassion and a desire for connection. She doesn’t spend a lot of time stewing over the incident, but simply addresses what she senses needs her attention and releasing all else.
  4. She only sees comparisons in terms of inspiration: No jealousy. No sense of competition. No criticism. And no self-judgment either. This goes back to #2, seeing and celebrating the beauty in others. But when that beauty stands out, she also tends to use it to inspire herself to her own greatness. She turns it into a reason to celebrate what she CAN do, instead of feeling guilty or less-than over what she’s yet to do.
  5. She dwells on what is and sees the beauty of the moment: Shit happens and she knows it. She doesn’t go into denial (see #1), but she does amplify the good wherever she can see it. She knows her energy is fullest when she is ready to turn her intention and attention to gratitude.
  6. She speaks her mind and with honor towards others: She doesn’t hold back her convictions or her heart and soul. She speaks what’s on her heart, and listens to the deeper experiences of others; she’s willing to have her mind changed, but only if it’s Truth that is resonating with her. And she doesn’t take it personally when someone disagrees, or even gets upset. She just keeps shining in her Truth with kindness and compassion, unapologetically. She doesn’t argue because she has nothing to prove and she knows when to walk away and when to stand her ground.

The more conscious I became of these patterns, and my own painful patterns, the more I began to practice them.

Because that’s the other thing I’ve found: These signs were not symptoms of already being happy.

They were practices to choose and create happiness.

Ask Yourself: Which of these resonate with me?


47 Ways to Love Yourself Better

freeplaylife photography

We give and we love and we ask for love in return.

We wait and we hurt when the people around us don’t show up…or only show us their messy side.

And we forget.

We forget that we can give to ourselves. That we can shower ourselves with love. That we can fill ourselves up.

We forget that we need to. That others need to see us valuing ourselves. That others learn how to value us by how WE value us. That no one can love us when we feel unlovable.

My mama posted something on Facebook last week that brought tears to my eyes…

“When I was single for YEARS, I used to buy myself flowers on Valentines Day. Just because I hadn’t found my knight in shining armor yet, didn’t mean I was any less of a princess….

There’s a whole lot more to life than just being in a relationship with another person. Be in a relationship with your own LIFE. There are lots of ways to love. Spread some around….”

THIS is it! Be in a relationship with LIFE!

And dammit, let’s all starting being in a loving, committed, generous relationship with OURSELVES!

Be in a relationship with your passion, your voice, your style, your purpose, your curiosity, your kindness, your self-discovery, your growth, your experiences.

Let’s shower ourselves with the things we need, the things that light us up, so that we can SHINE and THRIVE!

Let’s spread THAT around!

Clients ask me how to love themselves better all the time. And so with my mama’s inspiration I’m sharing some of the ways to love yourself better…

This is just SOME ideas. Use it to inspire you to find YOUR way.

47+ Ways To Love Yourself Better

  1. Examine the feeling of not being good enough and the reasons you struggle to love yourself and replace them with a sense of wonder and ease.
  2. Create a long list of all the things you do well and read it to yourself often.
  3. Say only nice things about your body and the amazing things it enables you to experience in your life.
  4. Lift your head up as you walk – and SMILE as you go!
  5. Listen to music with a positive message of life and love (try Blessed by Brett Dennen)
  6. Hire a photographer to take amazing photos of yourself to see your beauty as others see it.
  7. Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for about Who You Are.
  8. Every night before bed tell yourself and your body how much you appreciate it.
  9. Stand naked in front of the mirror and make peace with the physical body that houses Who You Really Are.
  10. List 7 reasons why your hardest challenges or worst mistakes or most unloved qualities have been a beautiful thing for you.
  11. Then ask yourself for forgiveness for not seeing it all earlier.
  12. Tell others what you love about you.
  13. STOP doing exercise that doesn’t make you smile or laugh! Go roller skating or dancing or trampolining instead!
  14. Chew your food slowly, savor each flavor and focus on the nourishment you’re offering yourself.
  15. Take everything out of your closet and only put back in the things that make you FEEL amazing when you wear them!
  16. Allow yourself time to “do nothing”.
  17. Give yourself time to understand that all these ways to love yourself need to be done with passion and authentic intention, and not just something you tick off a list.
  18. Stop making excuses for what you love and just LOVE IT OUT LOUD dammit!
  19. If you’re not feeling “good” when someone asks how you are, give yourself permission to be authentic and tell the truth (and maybe ask for some support).
  20. Spend lots of time in meditation or prayer or stillness.
  21. Light candles, put on sexy music and make love to your own body.
  22. Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re tired. Tell the world your needs matter by making them a priority over the dishes or the laundry.
  23. Surround yourself with tribes of amazing women who will remind you of Who You Are when you forget about the ways to love yourself.
  24. Throw your head back and laugh out loud!
  25. Two words: Body. Paint. (Bonus points if you share the photos.)
  26. You know that one thing that looks so cool but you’ve been rattling off excuses why you can’t try it? Go do it.
  27. Join a daily or weekly self-portrait challenge and see yourself in a new light.
  28. Understand how it is you learned to not love yourself so you can break the habit for good.
  29. Give yourself permission to sob when your heart is hurting.
  30. Write down 5 ways to love yourself each morning before you even start your day.
  31. Celebrate your scars and stretch marks.
  32. Commit to only using positive words to describe yourself…instead of “I don’t know how” say “I’ve yet to learn that”. “I screwed that up” becomes “I learned some really good things here.” I’m serious, try it.
  33. Replace “have to” with “get to” and begin to see that life is always an opportunity for you to show off your prowess.
  34. Find the one hairstyle that allows your inner self to glow and rock it – no matter how wild it is!
  35. Create a list of people you deeply admire and why. Then remember that you can only admire in others what your heart calls it’s own Truth. Stand in that Truth and be what you admire.
  36. Stop calling yourself “lazy” or “stupid” and replace it with a compassionate description of Who You Are
  37. Buy or gather your favorite flowers, and write yourself a love note to go with it.
  38. Make yourself a yummy meal or take yourself out to dinner to eat in the peaceful company of YOU.
  39. Choose to be in a relationship with your life and experiences.
  40. Give love to others, not because of who they are, but because of Who You Are.
  41. Schedule your own spa day and pamper yourself. Include the kids! Or the partner! Or your best girlfriends!
  42. Learn to listen to and trust your intuition.
  43. Practice Nonviolent Communication with yourself.
  44. Go get a chair massage at the mall.
  45. Let your toes loose and go outside (or even to the store) barefoot and free.
  46. Replace one food that makes you feel bad with one yummy food that makes you feel great.
  47. Give yourself permission to say no to the things that make you unhappy and yes to the things you’d rather do instead.
  48. Share a photo of your imperfect booty with the world.
  49. Make one small space in your home a reflection of Who You Are – ditch what you don’t love or use often, paint the walls, bring in a comfy place to sit, light your candles, pile up your journal, books and art supplies, listen to inspiring music and dwell there often.
  50. Write yourself a love letter. And frame that bad boy. Look at it anytime you need to remember how beautiful you are.

Because, sweetheart, you’re worth all that and more.