Incredible? Weak.

Empowering? Still weak.

Enlightening? Closer.

Let me start by backing up a little to the beginning of my weekend. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Tiffani, my badass freeplaylife photographer, arrived in Orlando on Friday evening.

Now let me just say something about Tiffani.

She’s flipping amazing. Colorful. Playful. Daring. Vibrant. Envelope-pushing.

But she also has this deeply sensitive side that you only get to see in her photos or videos or in long conversations about Life.

So I knew she was the perfect person to help me commemorate this powerful step. Because she totally “got it”. ♥

We had an amazing weekend that I know I’ll be talking more about later.

But the photos!

Oh wow, the photos.

We started with the before photos (for obvious reasons) and let me just say, one amazing photographer can make you fall in love with yourself.

She captured so much more than either of us felt was possible to convey without being there.

Because, oh being there was amazing!

We laughed, drank wine, ate and talked, shared epiphanies and dreams and laughed some more. I love that woman so much. Yes, I’ll definitely be writing more about that soon.

But back to the experience…

Capturing the “Before”

I wanted to capture it. My dreads. What they meant. I wasn’t sure if it would be possible but if anyone could do it, I knew it would be Tiffani.

And she did.

And I love them, each and every one of the “Before” shots. They so perfectly capture the depth and love I’ve had for my dreads. They leave me breathless. Speechless. In awe and honor of my own spiritual path, of where I’ve been and Who I Am because of them.

I’ll let my favorites do the talking…

I looked at them on her camera between Day One of photos and Day Two. And I had an ache. I saw the beauty and the story Tiffani had caught for me. And for the span of one deep breath, I loved them so much I couldn’t fathom letting them go.

But then that breath passed and I felt my whole body, my whole spirit say “Trust”. Mmm, yes I can do trust.

The During and After Experience

As much as the before photos LOOK amazing, it was (and is) the during and after process of shaving off my dreads that FEEL amazing.

And that feeling of “amazing” was something that the camera couldn’t capture.

The way it FELT to have my husband there, the man who spent 14 loving hours putting my dreadlocks in, handing me the empowerment, the strength to take this next step – on my own this time.

The way it FELT to acknowledge my fear as it turned my hands cold and made my heart pound and asked me to pause, to breath, to give it a just a moment to be heard so that it could willingly let go.

The way it FELT to call forward the faces of the beautiful women, my many sisters, who had emailed or texted or messaged me their love, to feel them circling around me.

And then the way it FELT to remove my dreads, one-by-one, to feel the world shift beneath me, while also shifting me forward, the rushing in of exhilaration, and of an emotion I still do not have a name for.

I’ve said it so many times but it bears repeating again: It was as if my dreads had, over the last 43 months (to the day, I just realized), systematically entangled all the energy of my past, the fears and challenges and limitations and all those things that were not serving me.

And towards the end of my three and a half year journey with dreadlocks, it was “heavy” with the past and the stories that were ready to be let go.

And so, with all the yuck carefully secured in my dreads, I began to snip it all away.

The past that didn’t belong in my present, the heaviness…

The weight of the world fell off my shoulders.

One at a time. Landing on the ground. With only a few feet between us but feeling as though it was the length of the world now separating me from it.

Distant. Done.

Old and gone and unattached.

And then the way it FELT to see “the past” lying on the ground, to hold it in my hands, to feel as though it was ancient history, detached from me – something to honor and smile upon, but not something to ache for or regret or miss.

(To miss them would’ve felt awkward, like going backward, like losing wisdom, slipping into clothes that had once been comfortable but that I had outgrown. It would’ve felt silly trying to wear the things of my past, like a grown women trying on her favorite childhood shirt. It was and is and always will be beloved, but it’s not comfortable anymore.)

I felt LIGHT…not weight-light, but energy-light.

I text my mom an After photo and she said it perfectly in just a few words:

You look beautiful. And FREE!!!

Free.

Yes, that’s what this feeling is.

It’s the feeling of being free. Open. Unencumbered. Spiritually showered.

A lot of people (my dad included) don’t get it. How was I not free before?

But I AM FREE now. I recognize the difference, in the way only a previously and ignorantly unfree person could recognize. I’m suddenly free of the past. I’m free of the expectations I’ve accepted in my life (from myself and others). I’m free of the facade, the props I would use to convey Who I Am.

I’m free of the NEED to convey Who I Am.

I am free.

I never expected to feel as free and as feminine and as sexy in my own skin as I do right now with no hair. I’m walking on clouds, in love with my raw self. Feeling as though I’ve settled into Who I am, dropping into my own essence, JUST my essence. Nothing trailing along behind me.

Calm and simple and joyful authenticity.

I can’t stop rubbing my head or reveling in that menthol-cool feeling of the air across my scalp or the warmth of the sun or swimming in the pool, holding my breath beneath the water, feeling the sensations moving around me, no more worry about “getting my hair wet”, nothing taking me out of the moment, out of the experience it.

Present-moment awareness. How does having no hair offer me that?

I don’t know but there it is.

The whole experience. Commemorating my dreadlocks. Preparing to send them off with love. Those two minutes of fear, where my hands went cold and shaky and I wasn’t sure I had the courage to take my next step forward.

Then the instantaneous and immense feeling of YesYesYes! as I snipped the first dread and it fell to the ground, the feeling that propelled me forward like a mad-woman, feeling the heaviness lift from my spirit, feeling the open space begin to fill with excitement and LIGHTness as each knot of hair was shed.

The JOY and smiles and that sense that my whole body was laughing that suddenly came rushing in, not from my mouth or my face or my words (I was pretty much beyond words), but from my belly, from my core. Bubbling up and spilling out of my eyes, my pores, my fingertips, the top of my head.

The way I suddenly felt lit up, nothing getting in the way of SHINING. Radiating. Reveling.

To feel so deeply connected to Who I Am, to the people in my life, to Spirit and Life itself…

It has been one of the most deeply spiritual (yet insanely, hysterically, joyful and downright silly) experiences of my thirty years.

It’s sounds silly to many.

I even have to laugh at how silly it sounds to me.

It’s just hair after at all.

But it’s not about the hair.

It’s about the experience of my hair. MY experience.

It’s about what this small, seemingly meaningless experience (in the grand scheme of life) had to offer me.

And it’s about me accepting that offer.

It’s about being open to a grandiose, breathtaking and awe-inspiring overture in what looks inconsequential, impermanent, and trivial.

This is life.

Mundane. Simple. Momentary. The details small and ultimately insignificant. A blip on the screen of the Universe. A monotonously repetitive story throughout the span of the centuries.

But still never duplicated in the narrative. Consistently renewed in our emotions. And regularly, excruciatingly and inconceivably mind-blowing to participate in.

It’s all “just hair”. Until we embrace the experience of it. And then it’s the whole Universe bursting alive within the space of one fleeting moment.

Click here for all the photos from our shoot!

All of these amazing photos are from Tiffani Bearup.

Check out her full set on Flickr.

Tell her how much you love her work here on Facebook or in the comments below!

Want to read more about my process from dreadlocks to a shaved head?

All dreadlock posts from start to finish are here.

Part One: My announcement video of my decision to shave my dreads

Part Two: A more in-depth, emotional and raw video on my decision

Part Three: Putting The Process of Shaving Them into Words (and lots of photos)

Part Four: A GORGEOUS Video and words from other women who’ve done the same

And lastly: Burning My Dreadlocks: The Final Goodbye

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and so many of us are turning our hearts toward big, beautiful meals and the idea of gratitude.

Gratitude was my main guiding word this year. So naturally I have lots of thoughts during my very favorite holiday.

I’ve never loved Thanksgiving for the gratitude part. I loved it for the simplicity, for its ability to not add so many layers of complexity to what I am really wanting to experience: deep connection with those I love, deep enjoyment I find myself most capable of within a slower pace in life, and deep nourishment – physically and spiritually.

But something about the idea of gratitude tended to rub me the wrong way.

And I didn’t understand it until this year, as I dove into this word, allowing it to guide me, to show me, to open me to what I longed to understand.

And this is what I understand.

I resisted not the practice of gratitude, but this ever pervasive idea or sense of obligation, guilt and shame I felt around the word.

“I should be grateful.”

“You should be grateful.”

And my heart would hear those words and want to yell “No!”

And now I know why. Why I resisted what seems so true.

Because every time we feel as though we “should be” grateful, we negate the pain or hurt or struggle that we are experiencing in that moment, instead of gratitude.

We tell our tears to stop. We tell ourselves to suck it up. That others have it worse. And so who the hell are we to ache, to hurt, to need to cry, or to desire change when we have it so good.

“It could be worse, so we should be grateful.”

And in thinking that “it could be worse”, we ignore what is yearning for attention right now.

Because if someone else has it worse, we don’t deserve to have it better.

Oh, and there is a time for that!

A time to recognize our blessings, to give thanks.

And there is also a time to acknowledge our own pain, to heal our own wounds, to protect our own hearts and understand that under our ache, our pain, our frustration, our complaints…under the surface of what we’re experiencing is something within us that deserves love, that deserves attention, that deserves validation, that deserves to have its deepest needs met.

Not because we’re more deserving, not because anyone else is less.

But because we all deserve to have our needs met.

All of them.

Because that’s what that pain, that lack of gratitude is…it’s just a sign to meet a deeper, fundamental and universal need.

If there is one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s this:

I went into this year assuming that I would simply focus on the act of gratitude.

And I did. And it was good.

But it didn’t last.

Because those aches would resurface and ask with longing for the attention they needed.

And that’s when I understood that I cannot make gratitude.

I cannot make myself grateful.

Gratitude is already  - and always – there.

I simply choose to experience it by first addressing all the aches, the longings, the unmet needs, the pain I am holding within my heart and that is standing between me and the experience of gratitude.

But when I simply lean into those aches for a moment, giving them the attention they are screaming for, encircling them with compassion, examining what they are and why, and bring Light and Love to them, they ease and vanish.

And as they do I experienced the rush of gratitude. 

The gratitude that was always there.

Waiting for its turn.

But patiently, knowing that something else needed to come first.

And then gratitude had its turn.

And it enveloped me.

And I held it.

And it changed my experience of life.

And it only recedes when something bigger needs to be held for a moment.

Gratitude was - and is – the natural consequence of healing my spirit, of peeling back the layers of my painful beliefs and fears, of coming into awareness of Who I Am, and what I’m here to do.

Without those fears, there is nothing but gratitude left TO experience.

And when I experience that gratitude, it gives me the ability to not just “suck it up”, to not feel awash in my guilt or shame, but to come alive, to feel vibrant, and THEN and only then do I find myself capable of offering what I am experiencing within me to those who have the same or deeper needs.

There is no “should”…this just simply is.

When I validate and give love to my lack of gratitude, I experience gratitude naturally and then I can actually create the same in the lives of others.

And that is one equation I am so incredibly grateful for.

I just want him to stay with me until I can be sure he won’t turn into Norman Nothing.

I want to be sure he’ll know when he’s chickening out on himself. I want him to get to know exactly the special thing he is or else he won’t notice it when it starts to go.

I want him to stay awake and know who the phonies are, I want him to know how to holler and put up an argument, I want a little guts to show before I can let him go.

I want to be sure he sees all the wild possibilities. I want him to know it’s worth all the trouble just to give the world a little goosing when you get the chance.

And I want him to know the subtle, sneaky, important reason why he was born a human being and not a chair.

- A Thousand Clowns, Murray trying to explain why he hasn’t put his nephew in school yet

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
― Albert Einstein

There are so many quotes by Einstein that I lovelovelove.

But when I read this one, I kinda went…ick.

Not to say it isn’t sometimes true. Sometimes Life gives us the opportunity to choose to just keep moving. Take a deep breath and the next step.

But too many times in my life I’ve applied the “just keep moving” mantra of conventional wisdom and found I was going alright…in the wrong direction. Or worse, the same direction I’d been headed when I’d gotten myself into the situation that required me to “just keep moving”.

But I choose not to live a life in which my best option is to just move through it.

I want to live a life in which I can jump off that damn bicycle (that might just as well be heading in circles) and sit and savor a sunset, a laugh, a moment of perfection found in everything. Something I don’t find when I’m just moving through my days or my life.

Life is meant to be savored, absorbed, adored, experienced.

Even (or especially) the messy parts, the parts that stretch me, that rub uncomfortably against me, can be sat with, experienced, learned from. In fact, I’ve found that has always been my best answer to them.

Because what do we get by avoiding them but another opportunity to experience them?

Nope, I don’t want to move in circles or keep heading in the same atrocious direction. I want to hop out of the madness and listen deeper to the very thing I’m tempted to rush through.

This is magic. This is when the dots are connected and it’s all beyond words and it makes sense anyway.

This is Life. It’s when the mess is beautiful and our hearts are cracked open and we just get it, whatever “it” there is to get.

This is what Digging Deep is for me.

It’s my heart and soul, the foundation to build Truth on, my creation and my healing, my message to the world…that you’re not broken, you’re not bad, you’re not helpless in your circumstance.

You are powerful. You are amazing. You have capabilities no one else has and a purpose no one else can fulfill.

And it’s time for you to understand what is getting in your way.

The Digging Deep Toolbox

Digging Deep is a life-long toolbox to help you uncover blocks, overcome fears and move through your challenges to create a self-designed life of passion, autonomy and authenticity.

You can use it as your catalyst for personal growth, your inspiration for healing or your toolbox for awareness and empowerment. Because you have something beautiful to create in this world and some things aren’t serving you one bit.

Here’s what you can expect to find in the Digging Deep toolbox.

• A 151 page e-book full of discovery, recognition, dismantling & rebuilding
• 16 worksheets to help you DIG into this deep soul-work
• 1 gorgeous assignment + Double Dog Dare to plant your seeds of growth
• The tools to move through your blocks and create something amazing

As an added BONUS to the beautiful and diverse learners out there…

• Full audio of the entire e-book and every worksheet! You can read, listen, write or talk according to how you learn and process best.

Are You Ready to DIG In?

I want you to know more. Because there is so much more to know.

I want you to know who this toolbox is for, what others are saying and what the process looks like.

I want, more than anything, for this process to be a magical one, full of healing and discovery and incredible growth.

If you’re ready to DIG in, click this link or the banner below to know more.

I have a little story for you, a story of opportunity, of growth, of saying Yes.

Many months ago I had this little tiny nudge. A nudge to shift, to relaunch, to step up to the plate of my life.

And I said yes. Actually, I said “Okay“.

And because “Okay” is really just a thinly veiled “Okay, I’m having doubts, but I’ll try to tentatively trust you” Life answered in return with, “Okay, I hear your doubts, so we’ll take this slow.”

So, for about four months, I moved slowly. There were a few moments of “Um…” or even one or two of “Eek!” but mostly it was a comfortable little path.

Then right before I relaunched, as I was sitting in my space – that quiet, meditative, soulful space – I felt it again.

But it wasn’t a nudge this time. It was more like a request: A request for more Trust, an offer of growth and connection, an opportunity.

It was the question, “Are you feeling ready yet?“

Not demanding or pushy, just a heartfelt question.

I had no idea what it really meant and I was filled with fear about it. Oh boy, was I. Because saying yes to something you can’t see…well, that’s just fracking terrifying.

But I took a deep breath anyway…and I said Yes. And I really meant Yes this time. So I opened my whole heart and my whole soul to receive it.

And Life Rushed In

Do you know what happens when you say Yes! to Life, to an offer from your Source, to the nudge in your heart you’ve been ignoring?

Opportunity.

In the moment, opportunity looks a lot like stress, overwhelm, uncomfortable changes, upheaval, odd new circumstances, and a really messy experience. It might start feeling like being engulfed by fear, or even sadness or anger.

(Or maybe that’s all just me.)

But if you keep saying Yes, if you can remain open and trusting….

Well, in hindsight you can see it’s all just Life rushing into your open heart as fast as it can. It’s not going to miss the opportunity after all.

And so because Life’s opportunities are often big, it can be stressful.
Because it comes so fast, you can feel overwhelmed.
When it’s new (and it will be new), it can feel uncomfortable.
And since it’s often demanding, it may seem like upheaval.
And because we’re human, it’s often messy.

But in reality, it’s really, really good. And here’s why…

It All = Strength Training

Looking back on these past 3 months, I see what I thought was pain and obstacles and stress. But you know what I really see now?

Strength training.

My coach has a way of putting it that I like. She compares it to weight lifting. You put resistance on your muscles to build them, to grow them.

When you say “Yes!” (and really mean it), Life begins its job of giving you opportunity to strengthen and grow you.

And that can feel tiring, overwhelming, even painful at times. Because it’s usually going to start with the discovery and healing of all the things that are going to get in your way of what comes next.

You can call it struggle, or strengthening; pain, or healing. But only one perspective is going to get you through it. Only one is going to keep you saying “Yes”, keep your heart open and authentic and expanding.

And that’s worth it.

Because as ugly as it will feel as you go through it, as someone emerging from the other side, I can promise you it’s amazing.

What are you ready to say “Yes” to in your life?

My Message from the Bay from Tara Wagner on Vimeo.

And to expand on that…

When I started doing unschooling coaching last year, it was really very quick that I realized most of our challenges do not come from unschooling, but from our parenting struggles and so I began to offer coaching specified toward organic parenting advice.

But in this past year I’ve gained clarity on the fact that unschooling and parenting are not hard, unless something more personal is getting in our way.

Sounds kinda obvious, right?

But what I found was that my coaching was becoming less about parenting or learning without school and more about our deep fundamental beliefs as women, as human beings.

I realized that when we shifted the focus from what we are doing to what we are believing, everything – not just parenting or education – became easier and clearer. Because it’s those beliefs that affect not only our parenting, but our ability to be the partners we want to be, and create the lives or dreams we want to create.

Our deepest core beliefs shape everything we do.

So much of my message – the one I mentioned above in the video – hangs on that sentence. And that’s why my blog and my coaching have shifted.

I’m still working with parents. But more than that, I’m working with people (women, really – whether they are mothers or not) who want to organically and authentically create something in their life and who are ready for the tools, support and resources to make it happen.

Because that’s what my message is about: Being Organic all the way to our core. And without any doubt, this is what I’m here to share.

If you’re ready to create something amazing, empowering and supportive, I’m ready to offer you the tools, the encouragement and even the accountability to make it happen.

(P.S. We were at Bodega Bay, not Botega Bay like I said in the video.)

I feel like I’ve been here before, this familiar but different place. It’s transition, known and unknown to us.

We’ve already said our goodbyes a year ago, but only for the year. It was difficult but exciting. And now we’re embarking for the last time and with no plans for return. And it’s not exactly difficult but the excitement is not quite the same.

There’s no fanfare, no newness to our departure this time. And yet this time it feels more like goodbye to us.

Just a few weeks ago I recorded my grandparent’s talking about their childhood, how they met and their life together. And then last night, as we joined them for dinner, I saw time fold upon itself as their past and the present showed itself to me as one carousel.

I saw Justin and I sitting across the table from our own grandchildren, looking back on our own life and all we created. I saw how quickly the seasons go round and thought thoughts that break my heart.

We’re tying up the loose ends now, packing our bicycles on the back of our new home, sending off for new birth certificates that will arrive after we are gone, receiving driving lessons from the people we love and spending our last moments with parents and grandparents.

Yes, we’ve been here before, but this is different.

I feel as though I’m moving round and round, up and down as I realize my dizzying lack of focus or productivity is really my own dragging feet and attempt at distraction, torn between the road ahead and the pain of saying goodbye again and possibly really meaning it this time.

This is life; changing, yet cyclical. Dizzying unless you take the time to really notice what passes by.

So, we identified 11 signs life might be demanding personal growth and we established the 5 principles (of life, really) you must know before you begin.

I can’t offer you a panacea here. What I can offer you are the things I know that create success in our own journey of self-discovery, the realization of our dreams, and the movement through our challenges.

1. Create space.

   You might call this stillness or white space or solitude. Whatever term resonates with you, creating plenty of undisturbed time to work through and process your personal growth (or just sit in or with it) is crucial.You simply cannot grow through distraction.

   Take yourself to the library for several hours a few times a week, head to a coffee shop, wake up before the rest of the house or go to bed later. Do not be tempted to take along something to do (especially a task you feel “needs to be done”); this is time to feel, to think to yourself, not to cross items off your To Do list. (Note to self: Avoid the internet.)

   But feel free to take a journal, a book that has been calling your name or some peaceful music. These tools will allow you to dig deeper or just sit and Be with yourself in new ways.

2. Be patient.

   Growth also takes time. It can feel painstakingly slow or even stalled (sometimes it might actually stall, too). Along with being gentle, you also need to treat yourself with patience.

   Don’t beat yourself for making mistakes or moving too slowly or whatever else you might be feeling toward your own progress. Don’t judge yourself by someone else’s measure.

   And don’t forget that great strides almost always follow times of stillness.

   Life – and thus growth – is not a sprint. Feel good about slowing down.

3. Be gentle with yourself.

   Growth takes energy and stamina. There will be times when it overwhelms you or frustrates you, when you feel as though you’re making no progress or making things worse.

   Be gentle with yourself during these times. Take stock of the big picture and remind yourself of the huge task of healing, recovery and growth you’re undergoing.

   Take yourself and your life seriously, treat yourself with compassion and care, use kind words to describe where you are and don’t belittle yourself, where you are or what you’re experiencing to anyone. Especially you.

4. Stay open to the possibilities.

   Assumptions have no place here. You may or may not feel as though your life is taking a particular direction, and whatever you’re feeling, that’s okay.

   Remain open to new people, new ideas and new tools for personal growth. Also remain open to the fact that it all might change or totally surprise you.

   Trust it. Open yourself to the idea that you are a wise and wonderful person and your intuition – that tiny little voice or thought that won’t stop – is trying to tell you exactly what you need to know. (Or maybe just what you need to know first.)

5. Acknowledge without guilt. Speak truth without blame.

   This is a biggie. And also a toughie.

   If feelings of guilt, anger or resentment over your past or present circumstances begin to rise to the surface, you need to acknowledge them. You need to deeply feel these emotions, being with them and allowing them to teach you.

   You need to surrender to them so they can surrender their grip on you.

   But please remember these are your feelings based on your perspectives. No one else needs them; they belong to no one else.

   Bringing anger or resentment to a conversation, or dwelling on guilt, does nothing but tear down the possibility for healing. These negative emotions breed with the insecurity, guilt or resentment of others and create more of the same.

   There may be a time to have these conversations, but only after the emotions have released us and we can speak with compassion, understanding and strength. If you can’t do that, it’s not time to have the conversation.

6. Receive support.

   We have a funky belief in our society that it’s better to give than to receive.False, false, false!

   Just looking at this logically can show us that someone has to receive so that someone else can enjoy the gift of giving.

   Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin: Equal and important gifts to ourselves and others.

   Allowing ourselves to receive connects us deeply to one another. It gives others the opportunity to make a difference, to remember their own importance and to practice generosity.

   And it feeds us, fills us up. Receiving gives us the ability to give freely to others. It creates an environment of generosity and compassion.

   So receive! But ask carefully. Know the limits and boundaries of others and ask for help from those in a place to give. Different people will be capable of supporting you in different ways, so be okay with that.

7. Trust, trust, trust.

   Lean into the process. Lean into love. Lean into life and growth and expansion.

   Trust the people you turn to for support. Trust yourself. Trust what you feel you need, even if it feels counterproductive.

   Trust your authenticity. Trust that you were created for a purpose. Trust that there are no mistakes…least of which, you.

   Trust that darkness is only the absence of light. And trust your ability and courage to let your own light shine.

8. Begin digging deep.

   This is what I call my process of uncovering the things that are holding me back, understanding my fears and my blocks and moving through them.

   It’s also the name of my e-book and audiobook, Digging Deep: A Toolbox and Workbook for Personal Growth.

   I’m super excited (and nervous) to share it with you. It is the heart and soul of Who I Am and what I do. It’s been my journey and my key to success and I’m pouring everything I have into making this a reality.

   You can learn more about it here: Digging Deep: A Toolbox and Workbook for Personal Growth.

What do you want to know?

I said I could easily do more than 3 posts on this topic. And I can. But the subject is vast and it’s hard to know where to take it.

So, tell me…what are your questions? What do you want to know about personal growth? Ask me anything in the comments below (or via email) and I’ll offer what I have.

Part One: 11 Signs Your Life is Demanding Personal Growth

Part Two: 5 Principles of Personal Growth to Absorb Right Now

We’re aiming to make this our last week off the road. By Friday, we will be heading toward Southern California; Disneyland to be exact.

Transition is always emotionally and spiritually full. We get filled with thoughts of what needs to be done, timelines and deadlines and regret. We scurry, we ebb and flow, we forget and remember and forget again.

And we oscillate, between looking back and looking forward, and all the world conspires to compound the dichotomy of here and there by pouring on the rain, piling up the hurdles, throwing in a little more madness.

I think there are two reasons Murphy’s Law is real and true:

1. Because madness creates or attracts more madness.
2. And because life loves to test our resolve.

I used to confront these maddening times of resolve-testing with a strong mix of doubt and added resolve. Was I on the wrong path? And what did I need to change?

My approach was one of sheer will and barreling through.

Today, as I sit with a mind full of tasks and exasperating challenges, piles and piles of paperwork to scan, a fender-bender to contest and repair, and an old friend demanding more than I will give, my approach is different.

No task lists, no sense of urgency, no feeling of obligation, no impending deadline.

My approach now is one of surrender.

Of savoring.

Of slow, methodical movement.

Of earphones and blueberry muffins.

Of trust.

Of quiet and breath and acceptance.

Instead of frenetic energy, of compiling and pushing, of resistance or fixing or spiritual darting…

I’m allowing.

Allowing the emotions to sweep through me, observing the place where I am, feeling peace as things go undone, as they remain imperfect, and being whole in that imperfection.

Something funny happens when you allow your world to be imperfect and messy.

It ceases to be imperfect or messy.

Perhaps it’s the people whose lives have taken sudden new twists – people who have learned to embrace the creative possibilities of change – who stand the best chance of penetrating life’s mysteries. – Hugh Mackay