Have you ever been stuck in a conversation that makes you want to scratch your eyeballs out?
I’d wager the more conscious and unconventional you live, the more injury your poor eyes endure.
You probably don’t want to lie or feel inauthentic. And you don’t want to cause a scene or be rude or hurtful (that’s not very authentic either).
But you don’t want to be there either.
Why is it that we think being authentic is going to cause so much pain or rejection?
I started to learn this awhile back when I had a conversation with a women who was radically authentic and invited me to be the same. It was so freaking liberating! There was nothing offensive about it, because I could tell it was coming from a good heart. And I had so much more trust for her because I knew it was all real.
But practicing with others was hard. Could I really be honest and authentic without fear? My experience has taught me otherwise: to look outside myself and please others first, to lie for social graces, to be responsible for (instead of just mindful of and compassionate toward) someone else’s feelings while completely neglecting my own.
When I began to DIG IN to those ideas I saw them for what they were worth: fear-based lies that taught me to reject myself in hopes that others would accept me.
So I decided to do something radical instead.
I decided to accept myself and practice saying what I really wanted to say.
I discovered that nothing that I really wanted to say came from an intentionally hurtful place, and sometimes even when I tried to please others they still ended up taking it the wrong way.
So if I had no control over them and how they accepted or rejected me, I might as well choose to honor myself throughout.
So I began to practice this during conversations I wanted to escape. Here’s how:
4 Unconventional Things to Say to Escape a Bad, Boring, or Offensive Conversation
- So, on a totally unrelated note… – I usually say this one with a smile and no one bats an eye. That’s because we all think it’s rude to change the subject, unless someone else is doing it (then it’s rude to tell them so). So we all suffer along in the same conversation looking for an out instead of creating one. You don’t need an excuse to create one. Just the willingness to stop toeing the line.
- I’m uncomfortable with this topic. Do you mind if we change the subject? – This one was hard for me because I didn’t want to have to admit I was uncomfortable and risk opening a can of worms by explaining it. So I learned to speak my mind by being authentic about how I was feeling. Most of the time others would glaze over the discomfort (they didn’t enjoy talking about it anymore than I did). Other times it was a great opening for a deeper conversation and to practice really owning my reactions, as well as my values.
- I strongly disagree and I’d like to [discuss something else, excuse myself now, share my real thoughts]. – If you think it’s difficult to just mention discomfort, try doing something others deem as confrontational. It’s not okay to disagree with others unless you want to be seen as obnoxious, rude, loud, bossy or domineering. Bullshit. Strongly disagreeing just means you’re willing to take a moral stand for what you believe is right. And the world needs to witness more of that.
- Excuse me, but this topic isn’t meeting my need for ______. I’m going to go mingle with others. – Does this one sound selfish or self-centered or egotistical to you? It was one of the hardest I’ve ever practiced. It meant being honest about my needs, which tends to trigger another person’s sense of failure if they didn’t please you. Which meant I had to learn to no longer taking responsibility for how someone else chose to feel about what I knew I needed.
I think more than anything I learned this:
That to be uncommonly joyful meant I would need to take some uncommon and unconventional steps in my life toward freedom and joy.
Sometimes they felt like baby steps.
Many times they felt like radical leaps off a cliff in hopes that it would be all right.
Many times they were met with major opposition, and I had to learn new skills to not only escape a conversation with my authenticity in tact, but to handle the world when it threatened to shake me up.
A lot of people ask me how I’ve been able to release the fears of what others will think, and release the fear of living an unconventional life, and remain so unshakable.
For starters, it isn’t always easy. I still work at it.
But it is possible when you do the work moves you through your barriers. So I put a popular Organic Tribe call into a mini-toolkit to show you how…
How to Thrive Unconventionally in a Conventional World
This mini-toolkit is to help you remain unshakable in your values, and your Truth…even when it seems like the world is trying to shake you up. No more worrying about what others will think. No more hiding your heart out of fear of backlash. No more getting shaken up by the judgments, remarks, or beliefs of others. You can learn to always stand on unshakable ground.
:: 110 min audio call: Describes the inner work you get to do to get unshakable, as well as the most effective, practical outer work to change your experiences with others (Value: $250)
:: 31 page workbook: Helps you to DIG IN, clear your triggers, and shine your authenticity, while putting into practice the steps you can take to remain grounded and compassionate despite any confrontation from the conventional world (Value: $40)
:: Covers everything from: Why others attack your values, what judgment and justification really mean, what you can say in conventional situations to remain true to yourself, exercises and prompts to help you put it all into practice and release your fear of being your unconventional self
P.S. This is a mini-toolkit, only focused on this small topic and as in-depth as possible in the small package. For more in-depth support, you may consider using it in conjunction with Digging Deep.
You can get this mini-toolkit for only $25.
(But it comes to you for free as part of the Organic Tribe.)