Posts Tagged "relationships"

The More I Know Myself, The Less I Care

The more I know myself, really and deeply know my Self, the less I’m finding I care… I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care that I make mistakes. I don’t care that my thoughts go off on wild, unhelpful tangents. I don’t care that I get afraid or triggered. I don’t care to spend so much time Digging Deep. (Gasp! I know!) The more I know myself, the less I find I care about others too… I don’t care what others think of me. I don’t care if they agree or disagree with me. I don’t have endless opinions or fears on the choices they make either. And I don’t care if I’m accepted or rejected. (Yes, despite my equally strong drive to not blindly follow the norm, this was very much a big thing for me.) I just don’t have the energy anymore, let alone the…

Read More

The Wisdom of Life’s Immoveable Objects

(This was originally shared on another lovely blog which has since been taken down. I’m reposting it here, as a reminder to myself as well.) We all have our paths to walk down in life. As we walk we experience the things we tend to experience – the valleys, the marshes, the darkness of the woods. Sometimes we travel alone. Sometimes we travel with others for a time, and then our paths diverge again. As we walk down our life’s path, we get to do some clearing along the way. The brush gets thick and we clear it, some branches have fallen and we move them to the side. But every so often on our path we come across an immoveable object, a boulder that creates such an obstacle that we can not move. A scary diagnosis. A heavy divorce. A lost job. A project that flops and leaves us…

Read More

The Two-Fold Cure to Any Problem

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two necessary ingredients to solve any problem, to cure any woe, to heal any pain, to connect any souls. (I didn’t mean to make that sound all rhyme-y but I’m going with it.) Wanna know what they are? Time and space. Now if only it were that simple. It’s not. Finding the right kinds and amounts of each is the next step. The Right Kind of Time Time Together If it’s a relationship thing, especially a parent-child relationship, time together is always the first thing I look at. Because it’s the easiest thing to neglect. We’re busy and we mistake being around each other for being together, when the two are actually very different. Time Apart Yeah, this is the flip side to that, and it’s one we’re learning very well with a teenager. He’s ready to venture out into the world…

Read More

The Four (Biggest) Mistakes of Personal Growth Junkies

Do you know how hard it was to title this post? I almost called it “The Four Mistakes of Seeking Self-Awareness” but vague and noncommittal woo-woo jargon only sometimes float my boat and never for titles. Anyway, what I hope you know I’m talking about is those of us that are committed to rising up out of the habit of sleep-walking through our lives to grow spiritually and inter-personally in ways that fulfill and satisfy our desire to experience all that Life is offering and asking of us. I’m talking to those of us who want to be awake and embracing Life. Those of us who already live pretty unconventionally, even if it’s only vicariously right now. Those of us who want more. I’m talking from experience, too. Experience in my own life. Experience with clients who stumble with the same things. These are the four biggest mistakes I see…

Read More

I Say Ego, But I Really Mean Fear

I sometimes throw around the word Ego. But I’m really not fond of the common definition or the connotation. This is a throwback to my upbringing, to being raised in a belief that there is some inherently bad or broken part of us that, as humans, we must fight against (fight against it in ourselves and fight against it in others, namely in our children). I don’t believe this. At all. I do not believe there is a soul on this planet who is naturally bad, born terrible, or inherently evil. There are people who do some terrible, diabolical, tragic things. But I hesitate to even use the word “evil” to describe them, as this just seems to me a cop-out, as if I can all easily explain away such behaviors with a sweep of the hand, brushing off the deeper cause and responsibility we all have (to one another)…

Read More

Being Compassionate Toward Others {Not To Be Confused with a Doormat}

I have been dealing with a family that I assumed was normal and was trying to be compassionate with. It turns out they are sociopaths with no conscience. How can we be compassionate without being taken advantage of? – A Facebook Sistah Ah, boundaries come to mind first. Compassionate doesn’t mean sacrificial. Compassion includes yourself. It means seeing beneath another person’s behaviors to the pain or fear or (tragic) attempts to meet their needs. It means choosing to see them with empathy, to understand what brought them to this place. And sometimes it means compassionately saying “no” or “I love you and I’m not okay with this” or stepping away, removing yourself from something that is hurting you or others. Even “sociopaths” are human beings with a long history of hurt or fear and no other tools, still doing the best they can, even if that’s not very wonderful at…

Read More

Organic Wisdom :: Are We Teaching Perfectionism?

On occasion, I like to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts on it here. “Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like. Many of us know what a curse perfectionism is as adults. It keeps us working too hard at a job that doesn’t fulfill us, criticizing ourselves for our natural limitations, or judging ourselves by the talents and strengths of another, instead of by our own. Or it keeps us feeling hopeless, unwilling to even try since we know we can never attain that elusive perfection we’ve been convinced is the only thing worthy of our attention (or the attentions of others). We know what perfectionism is. We…

Read More

I’m officially the mom of a teenager (is this what I hoped for?)

I am officially the mother of a teenager. Today is Zeb’s 13 birthday and he’s sleeping in, as is custom for his current body needs of non-stop eating and sleeping. 12 was a tough year. Justin and I found new parenting triggers we got to DIG IN to, and Zeb transitioned through many tough phases. But once we found our emotional footing and our patience and compassion for his experience, we were able to help him over the hump and meet his deeper needs. And it’s been amazing since then. He cracks everyone up, makes interesting conversations, has firm opinions, and opens car doors for me. *heartmelt* He’s kind, considerate and patient in ways you begin to wonder will ever happen when they are 4 or 7 or 11 and you’re dealing with your own fears of raising them “right”. And that thought got me thinking yesterday. I got back…

Read More

When Our Partners Are On Different Pages (Or Different Books)

Photo Source I love my husband more than I thought possible. We have a damn good relationship. And it shows. So people often assume we work together effortlessly. That we’re not near opposites on so many topics. That we don’t have to work to find ourselves on the same page – or even the same book – when it comes to things like parenting or food or life in general. But work, we do. Or sometimes don’t. Sometimes we slip into our own ego and refuse to budge. Sometimes we know the exact relationship tool that’s practically screaming to be used in the back of our mind and we tell it to “eff off”. We are a funny creature like that, aren’t we? Resisting the very thing we want. Those are the days (weeks) that we can’t connect, that we can’t find agreement…that we feel 12 miles apart screaming through…

Read More

Why You SHOULD Focus On Being Perfect (And It’s Not What You Think)

Ah, perfect. That word is a hot one. Especially for us women. Most of us strive so hard to be perfect: the perfect mother, perfect partner, the perfect person with a perfect purpose. We try to create the perfect home and the perfect world with perfect hair and perfect kids. And then we hear the messages that perfection is a myth, that it can’t be obtained and that striving for it is a maddening and pointless attempt to be something we’ll never be. After all no one is perfect, right? This is where I get all Big and Philosophical on you… Both are wrong. Zoom out with me – way out – and take in the Big Picture of your life, your journey of self-discovery and growth, your contribution to and purpose in the world. The entire purpose of your life is to learn, to grow, to experience this human…

Read More