I’ve recently said two things I never thought I’d say:

1. “I really just want to eat, not smell dirty underwear.”
2. “I’m getting my 10 year old 11 year old a cell phone.”

I won’t even try to explain the first. But the second…well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Zeb got a cell phone for his birthday.

He has actually been asking for a cell phone for about a year. But I wouldn’t even consider it. I was stuck on the idea of buying a ‘tween a cell phone and the social stigma that it carries with it.

But now that we’re on the road, the reasons were mounting. First, he’s often invited for sleepovers with new friends and we want him to have easy access to us without feeling awkward about waking anyone up to use their phone in the middle of the night. And there are times when he stays home by himself while we run errands or go for walks.

But most importantly, he misses his friends and needs more connection with them. And when we could add another line, a few more minutes and free Friends & Family phone numbers to keep him connected to the people he loves for less than we spend on a trip to the bookstore, why wouldn’t we? It would be selfish not to.

There is a lot of debate about kids and cell phones. Some of it I understand (like the possible affects of radiation on growing kids), but some I struggled with (like the arbitrary age we impose as “acceptable” to own one).

But it wasn’t until I could see his needs that I even realized my own hypocrisy.

See, I don’t think our kids are “growing up too fast” just because they have the same technology an adult uses; Zeb has his own computer, after all. And I don’t feel they’re spoiled because they have a tool that is hardly treated as a “luxury” anymore in our modern world. And why the hell aren’t kids entitled to luxuries anyway?

Insisting that kids can’t have something we ourselves use and enjoy (and can hardly imagine life without) is just another way of insisting kids aren’t people, with opinions and desires as valid as our own.

Sticking to my stubborn and unfounded opinions and holding tight to a few extra bucks a month I was invalidating my child’s need (or desire, which is still a need on some level), as well as his position as a whole, equal and meaningful person in our family. It was me insisting on what he needed and deserved and telling him we deserved more. Youch!

I’m not saying every parent should run out and buy their kids a cell phone or that you’re somehow a bad parent if you don’t. What I am saying is I think we’re better off looking at things we feel is automatically off limits to our kids as just another resource.

This means not vilifying their interest in owning something we own and working with our children to meet their needs…in whatever way makes the most sense to all parties involved. That means looking at a cell phone no differently than an art class or a giant sleepover or a new book: things like budget and capabilities can be considered together and, if necessary, goals can be created and met cooperatively.

In our circumstance, Zeb’s new cell phone is something we remember to charge for him at night, I carry in my purse most days and we foot the bill for. It’s not tied to his chores and it’ll never be taken away from him. And it’s something he sees no differently than he does any other “thing”: it’s a resource, one more thing to enjoy and use as needed, but nothing to obsess about (like his parent’s used to, I might add).

What do you think? Do you see everything as a resource
or are some things off limits?

If you’d like to discuss this particular issue in depth, I’m available for coaching.