Before We Get the Opportunity To Change Anything, We First Get the Opportunity to Love It

Life lessons on self-love and self-acceptance

I had a dream several years ago that I was describing to my doctor what was hurting in my body by describing the one thing that wasn’t: my toes.

Then I woke up and as I went to stretch my stiff joints and aching muscles, I felt it….my freaking toes were throbbing.

You have got to be kidding me.

Pain has been nothing new to my experiences. Developing scoliosis at age 10, undergoing surgery at age 14 and chronic, even debilitating, degeneration of my body has since been a history I had long tolerated.

But that summer, I was in almost constant pain. I was struggling to walk, losing feeling in my limbs and settling into a recognition that I was “disabled”, broken; that my current experience was my medical destiny.

It’s hard not to feel resentful or depressed over something like that.

I was awash in the emotional anguish of everything I could not do. I couldn’t hula hoop, play at the park with my son, make love to my husband. Everything caused pain. And I swam in the pain it caused.

As is often the case, my lowest point – the point at which I felt useless and broken and resentful, the point when all light was drowned by the darkness of my suffering – was my turning point.

I listened to one woman’s careful introspection, one woman speaking of her body as though it were her child, asking herself what it would look like to love her body as she unconditionally loves her daughters…

Her words resonated so strong as I thought about treating my body the same, treating it as I would treat my child, with compassion and trust. Instead of focusing on or pushing it towards what I want it to be, simply loving it for what it is…

What might that look like for me?

I could regularly point out its strengths.

And show my appreciation for its abilities.

I would view its pain with loving compassion.

And actively and insistently seek out the foods and resources it needs.

I could be gentle and not push it to do things.

Slow down to its pace.

And find things that made it feel good.

I would most definitely spoil it with love.

Smile when I see it.

And seek out things it would enjoy.

I could listen intently to it.

I could validate it and the other people it affects (like my son and husband) without making anyone wrong.

I could accept it and love it unconditionally, for what it is, not what it’s not.

I remember my head swimming: Could I really do that? Could I love myself and my body with the same unconditional compassion and acceptance as a child, giving it everything it needs without excuses or resentment?

I quickly found out that it takes the same challenging, mindful practice as parenting, too. Because just like loving my child, the only thing that gets in my way is my own fear and mistrust, my own stories, my own selfish expectations. And just like any relationship, when I consistently choose to prioritize my own self-love, I soon see that my body responds with the same.

When you have dreams that include Michael Cane (as your son) who turns into Jesus when hit by a tidal wave all to the climax of the song "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" while you sob in joy and wonder of the miracle, then a giant lightbulb space ship lands

I’ve learned that before I get the opportunity to change anything I first get the opportunity to love it. 

And that’s not an easy road. It’s been three or four years since this huge realization hit me and despite the impact it made, I still find myself in self-neglect. I’ll work too long until my shoulders throb and my head aches. I’ll choose the food that are the easiest. I’ll feel frustrated when I wake up tired. I’ll forget to get up and take a walk or use my oils, or I’ll refuse to nurture my back out of nothing but pure exasperation that it’s hurting in the first place.

The patterns of love or un-love run deep. Sometimes they are attached to deeper roots than we realize and perhaps they are just the side effect of those roots, the earth that gets pushed out of the way as those roots grew. I’m learning they can change for months before slipping back into old ways of neglect. I’m learning it’s not just a habit but a practice, a spiral that takes you around and around the same topic, seeing new sides or experiencing the same things from new perspectives, maybe a higher one and maybe not.

We chastise, and we lecture, and we try to inspire one another to love ourselves better.

It’s an old story women have been telling for decades.

But maybe we ought to just remind ourselves that sometimes it just simply is and that our only real practice is in understanding it’s okay to start again. And then, without self-judgment or guilt, simply starting again.

There is NO Excuse for Neglecting Yourself (let me show you)


Your idea of self-care might be as simple as showering when you’ve got little ones crawling the walls. It might be as basic as drinking enough water or remembering to eat. It might be as nurturing as a massage or some quiet time to yourself. But how it looks is inconsequential to your willingness to make it happen.

Yes, I can BS with the best of them and complain about all sorts of “reasons” why I’m rocking the self-neglect wagon. But at least I can smell my own BS. I know it’s all a lame justification for what’s really holding me back.

And of all the things I’m nice and gentle when I talk about – honey, this isn’t one of them.

So please allow me to speak the truth for a second here, especially if it means it might get you caring about yourself, finally.

Excuse #1: I don’t have enough time.

Bullshit. You have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else. You’re just choosing to spend them on everyone else! Now, yes, there are ONLY 24 hours in which to do the myriad of things you think must be done, but this is more about “I’m bad at prioritizing my time”, or maybe “I’m not a priority to myself”, than not having enough. (I like to use this excuse too because time seems like such a good excuse, such an immovable object. But when I finally accepted that it wasn’t, my whole life expanded.)

Priority #1 is your health and well-being. This means it’s #1 on your To Do list. This means doing it before you do anything else. Yes, I’m serious. If a million dollars (or Chris Hemsworth – ahem) was on your porch waiting for your self-care regime to be done first before stepping through the door, you’d tackle that bad boy (the self-care, not Chris) at 6am. Why? Because you prioritize it! Stop waiting for an imaginary impetus to come along before you start prioritizing yourself.

The truth: You don’t have time NOT to. Everything you do when you feel like crap will take twice a long. Why do you think you get a break at work? Because any boss knows productivity goes down with self-care. So give yourself a break – every day – and you’re going to SAVE time. I promise.

Excuse #2: I don’t have enough money.

What this excuse really means is that you’re insisting your self-care look a certain way and that way must undoubtedly cost money. Massages. Babysitters. Date nights. Pedicures. Retreats. Art supplies. [Insert yours here.] Sweetheart, you’re using all those things as reasons to hurt yourself over and over.

Yes, that’s all you’re doing with that excuse…hurting yourself. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Keeping your heart and soul tied around a dollar sign to determine your value. Keeping yourself locked in Scarcity Mode. Subtly telling yourself you’re worthless.

The truth: You don’t “need” those things. You need a little creativity. And the permission to use it. The permission to acknowledge a walk around the block while the kids are still in bed is okay to give yourself. Permission to buy yourself and your partner a dark chocolate bar and a Redbox movie after the kids go to sleep. Permission to allow messes to happen while you read a good book. Permission to do yoga with YouTube videos and trust your emails to wait a damn hour (or four). Permission to reallocate funds for your own sanity. Permission to say “I’m worth it” and then make it so.

Excuse #3: I don’t have the support.

Point blank: The people in your life support you in the exact manner you’ve taught them to support you. If you don’t like how they are showing up in your life, the first change that gets to be made is in your own habits, then in your boundaries, then in the way you communicate your needs to them. After all that (and only after all that), it may be time to make some tough choices, remove toxic relationships from your life, or lay it down for everyone. But please don’t get angry at them for doing what you’ve shown, through your own habits, is preferred to do – neglect and ignore you.

Excuse #4: I feel selfish when I take care of myself.

And so you use this as a reason to insist you don’t need anything, right?

You, dear sweet beautiful woman, are lying to yourself. You are a human being, and as such you have needs. Needs for good food and blissful rest. Needs for beauty, inspiration, excitement. Needs for honor, love, respect. Needs for autonomy, fulfillment, order. Yes, some of these needs are met through caring for others. But not all, and not always in the best way.

This doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you real. Welcome to the human race. Please stop making the rest of us look bad by insisting you need nothing. 😉

The truth: You are the most selfish when you are not doing what is necessary to make sure you feel fan-freaking-tastic and therefore are at full capacity. When your needs are met you have more to offer – more energy, more compassion, more patience, more creativity, more clarity. So stop holding yourself back, please. Your world needs you – WANTS YOU – at your best. Give yourself what you need so that you can keep loving everyone so unselfishly.

P.S. If you have younger women in your life – daughters, nieces, neighbors – please remember that you are teaching them THEIR self-worth by demonstration. So, if you won’t do it for yourself, can you trick yourself into thinking you’re “doing it for them”? 😉

We could go on and on….

But you and I both know that behind every excuse for self-neglect is a Wise Little Woman wagging her finger at you, telling you to knock that shit off.

And you and I both know that if your best friend came to you with the same excuse, you’d BE that Wise Woman and tell her she’s worth more than that.

Please, please, please…for the love of all that is good in your life (and all that could be good with a little more of your time and attention), treat yourself with some respect and honor your needs. No more damn excuses. You’re worth more than that.

Photo Source

Something Only For Yourself

Spells "great weekend"

When was the last time you had something only for you?

Not something you did because you “should” do it…

Not something you love and decide to turn into a business on the side…

Not something you teach…

Maybe something you don’t even share with the world?

I’ve got entrepreneur in my blood. I’ve never had something I wasn’t sharing with the world.

So in answers to the question of whether or not I’m going to be selling or teaching art at some point in the future, first let me say…hahahahahahahahaha. As if I know what I’m doing enough to share much of anything.

And second, no.

In fact, I’m consciously working on nurturing this as something I don’t “share”, don’t teach, don’t sell. It’s something just for me. To feed my soul. To nurture me. It’s mine, and maybe I’ll show my process from time to time, but only if it feeds me and makes me excited to do so.

If you wanted to do something absolutely honest, something true, it always turned out to be a thing that had to be done alone. - Richard Yates

I’ve watched tendencies of making things I love into things that are then expected of me. I’ve ready to let that go, to release the voice in my head that says anything is expected of me, to allow myself something that is only for me.

It’s magical.

I find myself sharing and not giving two rips about whether anyone “likes” it on Instagram. In fact, I love it so much I “like” it myself! I look at my own photos of the art I’ve made whenever my own art isn’t right in front of me, and I marvel at what is beauty and expression and ohmyfreakinglord can I say “color and texture” one more time? I still am not sure why those two words speak such volumes to me, except perhaps they explain the tangible, the depth, the movement happening in my spirit.

It’s a beautiful thing when you come to love who you are and what you do to such an extent that what others think not only doesn’t cross your mind, but the idea that others might not agree makes THEM look like the weird ones. Because how can a person fathom self-love without it being obvious to the world?

Messy art space

And so my weekends and evenings have become mine again, with ephemera spread across the room (and paint getting on Justin’s handmade table – oops!), and I just wonder at the paint beneath my nails, and how I never knew the joy of doing something without an end in sight, without a goal, except the desire to thoroughly enjoy the process.

I choose to remember I am free. I am not blind, my eyes are wide open and the light is on.

I choose to remember I am free. I am not blind, my eyes are wide open and the light is on.

This past weekend was even more magical…

Justin and Zeb headed out of town for a regional Yugioh tournament, and I sunk into a quiet weekend, playing life as a single woman, eating and sleeping and waking on my own schedule, playing with my sweet pups, watching movies the guys never want to watch, cleaning, organizing and finally feeling as though I’ve moved into this house…and of course art, art, and more art.

I’ve found I make a really good single person. I enjoy the quiet and the independence. I even take better care of myself when there is no one else around. I’m not even “guilty” to admit, I didn’t miss them. I knew they were having fun, I knew I was enjoying myself, and it was all enough.

And when my boys arrived home I greeted them with hugs and gluten-free brownies and it was perfect.

Justin and I talked later that evening. We have a little tradition of getting french fries at a drive-thru and sitting in the parking lot talking. We talked about that sense of independence, being on our own (something we didn’t do since we fell in love so young), and the joy and comfort of the experience followed by the joy and comfort of coming back together.

There is such ease and flow in those small trips away from one another, trips we make for ourselves.

mid-way in the process #mixedmedia #artjournal

Hippie girl #artjournal #mixedmedia

When was the last time you gave yourself that?

When was the last time you turned it all off and tuned in to whatever the hell you wanted to do, just for you?

When was the last time you did something without an eye on how it would appear, or what you could turn it into, or whether or not you should feel guilty about it?

When was the last time you “indulged” in pure, decadent, self-nurturing…soul food for nothing but your own good.

It doesn’t have to be major. It just has to be something.

And I’ve finding, it has to be often, and it has to be protected firmly, honored fiercely, and held with the utmost respect.

Who is one person who couldn’t dream of breaking a date with? I challenge you, just for a day, be that person.


Wisdom for the Newly (or not so newly) Self-Employed

by Scott Biersack

I’m over on the always wonderful, Kind Over Matter, sharing some words of wisdom for those newly self-employed sisters.

I find that business – like relationships, like parenting, like our health, like Life – comes into our world for one true reason. Not to make us money. Not to make us happy. But to make us grow. To show us what we get to learn.

I got (and still get) to learn a lot. In all my adult years, I’ve only been self-employed. This means 13+ years of Spiritual Growth coming at me masked behind the costume of Big Ideas. It’s been intense, exasperating, liberating, enlightening, exhausting, exciting, and mind-blowing (depending on the day or the lesson or the way I approached it).

Anytime someone is starting a business, they tend to ask questions like “How do I find the right business name?” or maybe “What do you think about this color scheme for my branding?” Necessary questions, for sure.

But what I really want to do is invite them in for tea, show them to the nearest cushy seat, and share some hard-earned sisterly wisdom. Not to freak anyone out, or turn them off from business. But to help them see through the easy parts – the excitement and fun of getting started – to the real gift of self-employment: the ways in which you get to expand. And also to share with them the wisdom I wish I had had from the very beginning so they can move through it with more grace and fewer bumps or stalls along the way.

Where would I start? With these three words of wisdom:

Click here to read more.


Honoring My Own No (It’s Not Always Easy)

Waiting for journal words. And she is just calling out for a monster pair of sunglasses that I can't seem to find. #artjournal #alteredbook #mixedmedia

I’m in a rather interesting place in Life. “Surrender”, my guiding word for the year (but really since last fall), has seeped deeply under my skin. It’s ironic that it’s such a seemingly passive word but so very forceful in my compliance to it.

I simply can’t NOT surrender.

Life and this current path is not allowing me to do anything that is not in total alignment, that does not come from my core, (that does not challenge the shit out of me in my ability to trust and allow and accept).

I begin to pull myself back into habits or “Well maybe just this once” and it snaps me back to me center like a brand new rubberband – sometimes including the sting.

Paradoxically, it’s been challenging and easy. It’s been all flow and simplicity, but with up-bursts of fear and panic and WTF.

And every single time my head starts spinning, I brought back around to Surrender.

In that Surrender has been a practice of self-acceptance – surrendering to Who I Am, what I need, what is a fit for me and what isn’t.

I’m letting go of things, releasing what I was once excited about, admitting that it’s not the ideal I assumed it was. My work has changed. Our family has changed (radically and in hard and beautiful and humbling ways that I can’t fully process and articulate yet). My perspective has changed.

My self-communication has changed.

I like to say Yes! – in fact, I sometimes find myself jumping in and committing before I’ve really sat with it. I have caught myself many times ignoring that Echoing Stillness within whispering that the answer is, in fact, a No.

Case in point: Speaking at conferences.

I knew about a month ago that speaking is out for me. I don’t enjoy standing in front of a crowd, talking TO them. I want to sit within a circle, and speak WITH them. I want to dive in together, to create and hold space for deeper communication to take place, to guide and ask hard questions and receive hard questions that have no answers.

So when the request to speak at this year’s Rethinking Everything conference came in, I was already quite comfortable saying no to speaking and yes to facilitating a circle.

But just as I was about to say “Yes, I’m in!” Life and its little instigator, Surrender, snapped me back to my core, my spirit, my center so I could hear that inner guidance that won’t let me go astray.

It ached a little to admit it was a “no”. To sit with the thoughts and fears that arose, of sitting out instead of standing out. To acknowledge my Highly-Sensitive nature would be at its worst with two birthdays, an anniversary, a family reunion, and air travel already in August. To honor my needs for quiet and white space in the months ahead.

To honor my heart as it whispered a tender no.

Honoring what is a no for us doesn’t always feel wonderful.

Sometimes there is a pang as we release what we wish would fit in order to practice or embrace what actually does.

Sometimes we don’t want to say it aloud, afraid of what it will say about us (that we can’t hack it, that we’re not good enough, that it means XYZ), afraid of the stories running in the background of our mind, afraid what will come of it if we miss an opportunity or back out of the party.

Sometimes honoring our No will mean listening to all those stories that arise with our answer. Examining them with self-compassion and gentleness (without buying into the idea that their presence is somehow saying something terrible about us), so we can release them.

But honoring a No also means noticing the Yes we are honoring in ourselves too.

By my saying No to a conference (my favorite conference, I might add, one we all freaking love) means saying Yes to a month of celebration without stress or overwhelm. It means saying Yes to down time and deeper connection and the slower pace we nomads have been craving. It means honoring the Yes to self-love and self-acceptance, a Yes to allowing my highly-sensitive nature the environment in which it thrives.

Ask yourself: What do I need to say “No” to, and what am I saying “Yes” to at the same time? Part of the Sisterhood? Share your thoughts on the forum.

P.S. The above journal page? I knew I had some stuff to DIG IN to and process but had no words for them. I had no idea what was going to come out but am falling in love with the way art journaling has added another tool to my own Digging Deep process. As soon as I started creating it, I could tell I was putting down on paper exactly where I am in surrendering to the work-life balance shifts that have been happening in my world. If you’re working through the Digging Deep process yourself and ever feeling stuck because the words won’t come, I can’t recommend enough the power of playing with color and texture. The words will often come later (as these ones are – I’m filling in that page above with the words now).

Organic Wisdom :: What’s Pouring Out?

I like to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

What you pour into a relationship, pours out.

If you pour in empathy, love, compassion, patience, support, generosity, kindness, strength, self-respect…you will slowly begin to see those things pouring back out from those you love.

What you pour into a child, pours out.

If you pour in autonomy, respect, honor, presence and engagement, passion, kindness, generosity, honesty, stability…you will witness the growth of a child who pours that back into their world and your relationship.

What you pour into your work, pours out.

If you pour in passion, authenticity, boundaries, honesty, a desire to make a difference and thrive, trust, trust, and more trust…you will experience work that fulfills you and allows you to thrive in those things and abundantly.

What you pour into your own heart, mind and body, pours out.

If you pour in kind words, gentleness, self-respect, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, fun, generosity, nourishment and nurturing…you’ll feel alive, vibrant, joyful, beautiful, worthy and at peace with Who You Are.

But here’s the catch.

If you do this just to get what you want out of your body/self or others, the whole thing crumbles.

Give because of Who You Are and who you want to be. Not to manipulate, but to love better.

Organic Wisdom :: How do others love and honor you?

Every Friday or so I intend to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

Oh man, this was a difficult one for me to embrace.

But the words kept coming back to me, looking me square in the face and gently nudging me to take accountability for the relationships I helped to create.

“Others will love and honor you how you love and honor yourself.”

It was asking me for the raw truth, to look at how I’ve shown others my own value…not in my demands or retorts or reactions, but in my deeper responses.

This was my request from Life to DIG IN to the ways in which I had not – still have yet – to learn to love, honor, forgive and accept myself.

:: Each time I was hurt by another, I was shown how I hurt myself.
:: Every time I thought I was being neglected, I saw how I ignored my own heart, body, spirit.
:: Each unkind word began to resemble my own unkindness in my thoughts.
:: Every time I thought I was being taken advantage of, I saw how little I did to honor my own needs.

(The same would be true of showing me how well I love them, which also came back around to love me. Because the only time I struggle to love others is when I’m first struggling to love myself.)

The truth is when we love and honor ourselves one of two things will happen:

  1. Like a mirror others will reflect the same love and honor. They’ll see the strength and beauty of our spirits and never assume we are worthy of anything less.
  2. Or, others will do the best they can with the tools they have. But we’ll feel so full of love and acceptance for ourselves that their attempts will have no impact on our ability to remain centered, in peace and compassionate toward them or us.

You want to know how well you love yourself? Look into the eyes of the mirrors in your life.

A Mother’s Gift For You :: Filling Your Cup Meditation and Workbook (And It’s FREE!)

Dear, sweet, beautiful woman…

Let me tell you a little story…

Several weeks ago I had a little bird in my ear telling me I needed to do something for Mother’s Day to share here. It, of course, didn’t give me any hints and just left me hanging for awhile. So I made a little note on my To do list and just wondered each time I saw it, with a bit of trepidation in my heart because really…do I need any more projects?

But I leaned into Trust that what needed to come forth would come and would do so at just the right time.

Well then Monday rolled around and Justin and I went on a nature walk and came to the end of a path and sat on the makeshift log-bench and watched the scenery while the dog ran around and I verbalized all my thoughts. I had thought of launching the parenting e-course or another paid product but I knew enough people would be talking about things you could buy yourself for Mother’s Day and I heard a little pang of “No, yours needs to be a gift.”

I thought to myself, “These are the women who give all the time. I want to give them the gift of receiving. I want to fill their cups.

And as he and I spoke together the words just came out, “I think I’m going to create a little mini-meditation.”

A little bit of wisdom, a little bit of love, a little bit of breathing room is what I really want to offer you.

Later that day I sat down with my journal and allowed myself to process around what needed to come through me, who it was for, what it would say, what it would be called and got a very clear directive, “Don’t think about the words and the details now. Just sit down to record, and hold in the heart the women you most want to speak to, then speak.”

So I did just that. I climbed in the back of my sound studio (the backseat of the truck), closed my eyes, started the music in my ears and brought to my heart my mama and my tribe of sister-friends and you out there.

And then I spoke the words that needed saying. 

It’s not perfect. It’s not earth-shattering, except maybe for a few women who will receive it. The mini-workbook even has typos that I have no intentions of fixing.

But it’s filled with love. A gift from my heart and my wisdom straight to you.

Filling Your Cup :: A Mini-Retreat to Rest Your Tired Body, Nurture Your Depleted Heart, and Replenish Your Spiritual Cup

It includes…

:: A 24 minute meditation to allow you to rest, breathe, absorb and tap into what fills your spiritual cup
:: (Don’t have 24 minutes? The first 7 min were serendipitously created to standalone as a micro-mini retreat, a moment to catch your breath and stop wearing your shoulders like earrings.)
:: And a workbook filled with wisdom, affirmations, prompts and ideas to help you keep your cup full all year long.

And best of all?

It’s FREE.

Yes, free. A gift for you to receive.

No catch. No strings. Just something to open your heart to…

A moment of stillness. A pocket of peace. The knowledge and a few tools to feel vibrant and energetic.

The knowledge that you are enough.

That you deserve it.

Want to get yours?

Right click to download the
Filling Your Cup Mini Retreat toolkit.

P.S. It’s not just for mamas. It’s for all woman who give so much to the world around them and would like a little more practice receiving.

P.P.S. If you want to upload the MP3 to your iPhone you can do so by opening it in iTunes, right-clicking and converting to AAC version, then syncing that version!

P.P.P.S. Do you know another incredible woman with an incredible heart who could use some soulful cup-filling of her own? Please please please share this using the buttons below!

Parenting is hard. Damn hard at times.

And we can stand to share and learn all the tools possible to guide and nurture our children (without losing our minds) as we can get our hands on.

But if those tools are based on power-over or carrot-and-stick, we’re just teaching our children the things they’ll need to unlearn later in life to be intrinsically motivated and able to form healthy relationships.

This is why I hope you’ll check out the Organic Parenting course.
The Organic Parenting Package

It includes:

  • Six core modules, as well as two bonus modules
  • Audio, video, transcripts, and workbooks for every learning style
  • Bonus printouts, goodies and meditations
  • Village Wisdom: The collaborative collection of parenting wisdom from dozens of contributors

Together we’ll look at how we can:

  • Stop feeling tired or overwhelmed,
  • Get past our triggers and stop losing our cool,
  • Never need to punish them again,
  • Have fun, laugh, and actually enjoy one another!

Click here for a free sneak peek!

Organic Wisdom :: What Is It Worth?

Every Friday I intend to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

What would happen if you stopped asking if you’re worth it (if you’ve worked hard enough, fought hard enough, waited long enough) and started asking what was worthy of you?

What kind of friendship…

What kind of romance…

What kind of nourishment…

What kind of clothing…

What kind of home…

Is truly worthy of you?

Does that question make you uncomfortable? Rub up against your inner smallness? Your fear of self-centeredness? Of receiving? Does it feel snobby or self-righteous or indulgent?

Good. Those uncomfortable rubs against us are exactly what to look for.

“If you’re irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? (Rumi)