Posts Tagged "shame"

When Your Good Life Makes Others Feel Guilty

I’ve been seeing a lot of those posts on Facebook, where a person apologizes for loving their life too loudly, and reassures everyone that it’s not actually perfect. They explain that they tend to focus on the good for their own benefit, but then they might rattle off all the things that suck to assure others that they are not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I’m torn on this. I understand the intention. I know none of us wants to portray something that isn’t realistic. And I know we want to be mindful of how our actions affect another human being. But is bringing our mindfulness practice, our personal growth, our spiritual awareness, or joy, or our embodiment of love down a level really helping anyone (ourselves included)? You all know I share the depths of my soul, my emotional tornados, and my process through it all quite freely….

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Thoughts on Parenting for Show

If you haven’t read it already, this commentary on the public humiliation of children that has become so prevalent in the social media age of parenting is well worth reading and absorbing. Public shaming is awful and is nothing less than societally sanctioned parental bullying. Especially harmful to the young people against whom it is used as a weapon, the ramifications will resonate throughout their lives. They aren’t as tough as we pretend we are. (Read the whole thing here.) In addition to what is so eloquently said there, I think it’s important to examine why so many parents feel the need to “parent publicly”. Is it to “prove ourselves”? To save face? To feel validated? To make a statement to others? None of these puts our real focus on showing up in our children’s lives (both for their struggles and their wins). Interestingly, many parents I know will recoil…

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Organic Wisdom: Asking Forgiveness for What We Didn’t Do

You don’t have to be wrong to ask for forgiveness. You just have to want to set things right. These words came to me the other day and I’ve been sitting with them since, not sure how to share them, but feeling the nudge to. I think it’s a challenging concept to embrace, to ask for forgiveness when we don’t feel at fault. It’s humbling. And sometimes humbling feels like humiliating. Lowly. As though we’re somehow making ourselves smaller. And it can, when we choose to feel it that way. When we choose to make forgiveness about who’s right and who’s wrong and who owes who what. But that feels less like forgiveness and more like shame to me. Shame calls one right and the other wrong. Shame points out mistakes and imperfections and demands amends be made for our humanness. That is NOT what I’m talking about. That kind…

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Real Women and the Lies We Live (Video)

I almost didn’t share this video. I had made it quickly because it started pouring out of me and my audio and video wouldn’t sync. But that’s not why I almost didn’t share it. I almost didn’t share it because my entire life I’ve been shamed for my body type, taught to feel less than other women or self-conscious or care too deeply about what others thought of my body. Taught to be wary of going to the bathroom too soon after I ate because someone would derisively accuse me of being bulemic. Taught to wear nothing above the knees out of fear that someone would comment on my thin legs. So after this video came pouring out of me, I began to waver. “Maybe I shouldn’t.” “Maybe I’ll offend someone.” “Who am I to talk about body image?” It took a sweet woman speaking up a couple days ago…

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