Da Moon and Da Sea

Last week, after a long day on the beach, I was connecting with a girlfriend online around the idea of surrender and allowing when it dawned on me…

This is life at times: A riptide in the ocean.

We dip our toes into Mama Ocean, playing with the idea of jumping in headlong, with the thought of independence and glory and Big Ass Dreams of the moves we’ll make and the way we’ll look. Then comes the time when we’re finally ready and we dive in (thinking we look like sexy mermaids, of course) feeling happy, excited…feeling the excitement of freedom and exploration as our Big Ass Dreams become Big Ass Plans.

But the ocean sometimes has another idea.

Sometimes it laughs at our mermaid-esque attempts and our Big Ass Plans and it wraps it’s arms around our waist and says “This will be more fun.”

And then it shows us what we really get to see.

And that loss of control, the pull in a deeper direction, feels dangerous. Our natural inclination is to fight against the current, swimming hard toward shore, toward what looks like safety. To regain our authority, our rightfulness, our power. To be the commander of our own direction. To push through the fear, fight the resistance, or force our way forward.

But that’s how deaths happen, you know.

Surrender Saves Lives

They say if you’re caught in a riptide you should do one of two things to save yourself from exhaustion and your ultimate demise.

:: Swim parallel to the shore: Don’t lose sight of your bearings, your safe ground, your desires. But don’t fight for them. Just move yourself out of the chaos by side-stepping it and getting yourself into a new place (a new frame of mind, a new environment, a new idea, a new rhythm). But sometimes that current has other plans and won’t relinquish you that easily, and so your safest bet is to….

:: Lay back and surrender to the flow: The riptide will move you, it will pull you beyond your comfort zone. It will show you things you’ve never had the courage to explore on your own and take you a bit farther than you thought possible. And then the calm will come, as you pass beyond the rush and you can find your way back to solid ground with a new understanding of the power that surrounds you, a new respect for the forces that envelop you and yes, more clarity on your path.

Yes, Life’s been teaching me a lot about surrender, about allowing, about dreaming and actualizing with an openness to Trust.

It’s been helping me to release the tension and the resistance and lay back with my arms spread open and surrender to the flow, or the sunshine, or the sweetness of rest.

It’s been showing me when to focus in, and when to let it all go. And it seems a disproportionate amount of it looks like surrender, especially when it comes to juggling three businesses and family connections and spiritual grounding. Surrender to what my heart really aches for, for what my mind really can’t focus on, to the idea of doing jack-shit all day, then staying up “too late” to get three solid, uninterrupted hours of work done.

And here are my frantic efforts to swim against the current: chastising myself for going to bed at 2am and waking up at 10, feeling guilty for too much time working, feeling guilty for too much time playing, stressing over the taxes due and tires that will need replacing soon, the needs of a daily changing son and the upcoming events on my calendar, and my deeper need to escape to the mountains with my nomadic mamas. Thoughts of rudeness as I just can’t find the time to catch up on emails, when I am instead writing in my journal at the beach. The old tapes that play out when I measure my own needs against the needs of others.

And all the while hearing The Ocean, as it allows me to fatigue myself, whispering to my spirit with the words,

“Release. Surrender. Let me take you deep and far beyond your comfort zone and show you what awaits out there. Lay back and let Me carry you. You are safe…but only if you let go.”

It’s funny; I recently remembered I set the intention to create some fun home videos over two years ago.

It makes me smile to realize yet another forgotten intention came to fruition in its own timing. Mmm…the things I used to stress over I’ve learned to trust and allow. That feels good (now to learn how to apply it to other areas).

P.S. Apparently, YouTube censored my video because of the song I used to show our videos and pictures. Ironically, it was the song “One Love” by Bob Marley…you know, the guy all for love and gratitude, instead of greed. Apparently, the record company didn’t get the memo. I wish I had time to redo it but I don’t – and I’m leaving it up because I can still watch it. But I’ve included our photos of our time below as a lame alternative to an otherwise great video.

Incredible? Weak.

Empowering? Still weak.

Enlightening? Closer.

Let me start by backing up a little to the beginning of my weekend. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Tiffani, my badass freeplaylife photographer, arrived in Orlando on Friday evening.

Now let me just say something about Tiffani.

She’s flipping amazing. Colorful. Playful. Daring. Vibrant. Envelope-pushing.

But she also has this deeply sensitive side that you only get to see in her photos or videos or in long conversations about Life.

So I knew she was the perfect person to help me commemorate this powerful step. Because she totally “got it”. ♥

We had an amazing weekend that I know I’ll be talking more about later.

But the photos!

Oh wow, the photos.

We started with the before photos (for obvious reasons) and let me just say, one amazing photographer can make you fall in love with yourself.

She captured so much more than either of us felt was possible to convey without being there.

Because, oh being there was amazing!

We laughed, drank wine, ate and talked, shared epiphanies and dreams and laughed some more. I love that woman so much. Yes, I’ll definitely be writing more about that soon.

But back to the experience…

Capturing the “Before”

I wanted to capture it. My dreads. What they meant. I wasn’t sure if it would be possible but if anyone could do it, I knew it would be Tiffani.

And she did.

And I love them, each and every one of the “Before” shots. They so perfectly capture the depth and love I’ve had for my dreads. They leave me breathless. Speechless. In awe and honor of my own spiritual path, of where I’ve been and Who I Am because of them.

I’ll let my favorites do the talking…

I looked at them on her camera between Day One of photos and Day Two. And I had an ache. I saw the beauty and the story Tiffani had caught for me. And for the span of one deep breath, I loved them so much I couldn’t fathom letting them go.

But then that breath passed and I felt my whole body, my whole spirit say “Trust”. Mmm, yes I can do trust.

The During and After Experience

As much as the before photos LOOK amazing, it was (and is) the during and after process of shaving off my dreads that FEEL amazing.

And that feeling of “amazing” was something that the camera couldn’t capture.

The way it FELT to have my husband there, the man who spent 14 loving hours putting my dreadlocks in, handing me the empowerment, the strength to take this next step – on my own this time.

The way it FELT to acknowledge my fear as it turned my hands cold and made my heart pound and asked me to pause, to breath, to give it a just a moment to be heard so that it could willingly let go.

The way it FELT to call forward the faces of the beautiful women, my many sisters, who had emailed or texted or messaged me their love, to feel them circling around me.

And then the way it FELT to remove my dreads, one-by-one, to feel the world shift beneath me, while also shifting me forward, the rushing in of exhilaration, and of an emotion I still do not have a name for.

I’ve said it so many times but it bears repeating again: It was as if my dreads had, over the last 43 months (to the day, I just realized), systematically entangled all the energy of my past, the fears and challenges and limitations and all those things that were not serving me.

And towards the end of my three and a half year journey with dreadlocks, it was “heavy” with the past and the stories that were ready to be let go.

And so, with all the yuck carefully secured in my dreads, I began to snip it all away.

The past that didn’t belong in my present, the heaviness…

The weight of the world fell off my shoulders.

One at a time. Landing on the ground. With only a few feet between us but feeling as though it was the length of the world now separating me from it.

Distant. Done.

Old and gone and unattached.

And then the way it FELT to see “the past” lying on the ground, to hold it in my hands, to feel as though it was ancient history, detached from me – something to honor and smile upon, but not something to ache for or regret or miss.

(To miss them would’ve felt awkward, like going backward, like losing wisdom, slipping into clothes that had once been comfortable but that I had outgrown. It would’ve felt silly trying to wear the things of my past, like a grown women trying on her favorite childhood shirt. It was and is and always will be beloved, but it’s not comfortable anymore.)

I felt LIGHT…not weight-light, but energy-light.

I text my mom an After photo and she said it perfectly in just a few words:

You look beautiful. And FREE!!!

Free.

Yes, that’s what this feeling is.

It’s the feeling of being free. Open. Unencumbered. Spiritually showered.

A lot of people (my dad included) don’t get it. How was I not free before?

But I AM FREE now. I recognize the difference, in the way only a previously and ignorantly unfree person could recognize. I’m suddenly free of the past. I’m free of the expectations I’ve accepted in my life (from myself and others). I’m free of the facade, the props I would use to convey Who I Am.

I’m free of the NEED to convey Who I Am.

I am free.

I never expected to feel as free and as feminine and as sexy in my own skin as I do right now with no hair. I’m walking on clouds, in love with my raw self. Feeling as though I’ve settled into Who I am, dropping into my own essence, JUST my essence. Nothing trailing along behind me.

Calm and simple and joyful authenticity.

I can’t stop rubbing my head or reveling in that menthol-cool feeling of the air across my scalp or the warmth of the sun or swimming in the pool, holding my breath beneath the water, feeling the sensations moving around me, no more worry about “getting my hair wet”, nothing taking me out of the moment, out of the experience it.

Present-moment awareness. How does having no hair offer me that?

I don’t know but there it is.

The whole experience. Commemorating my dreadlocks. Preparing to send them off with love. Those two minutes of fear, where my hands went cold and shaky and I wasn’t sure I had the courage to take my next step forward.

Then the instantaneous and immense feeling of YesYesYes! as I snipped the first dread and it fell to the ground, the feeling that propelled me forward like a mad-woman, feeling the heaviness lift from my spirit, feeling the open space begin to fill with excitement and LIGHTness as each knot of hair was shed.

The JOY and smiles and that sense that my whole body was laughing that suddenly came rushing in, not from my mouth or my face or my words (I was pretty much beyond words), but from my belly, from my core. Bubbling up and spilling out of my eyes, my pores, my fingertips, the top of my head.

The way I suddenly felt lit up, nothing getting in the way of SHINING. Radiating. Reveling.

To feel so deeply connected to Who I Am, to the people in my life, to Spirit and Life itself…

It has been one of the most deeply spiritual (yet insanely, hysterically, joyful and downright silly) experiences of my thirty years.

It’s sounds silly to many.

I even have to laugh at how silly it sounds to me.

It’s just hair after at all.

But it’s not about the hair.

It’s about the experience of my hair. MY experience.

It’s about what this small, seemingly meaningless experience (in the grand scheme of life) had to offer me.

And it’s about me accepting that offer.

It’s about being open to a grandiose, breathtaking and awe-inspiring overture in what looks inconsequential, impermanent, and trivial.

This is life.

Mundane. Simple. Momentary. The details small and ultimately insignificant. A blip on the screen of the Universe. A monotonously repetitive story throughout the span of the centuries.

But still never duplicated in the narrative. Consistently renewed in our emotions. And regularly, excruciatingly and inconceivably mind-blowing to participate in.

It’s all “just hair”. Until we embrace the experience of it. And then it’s the whole Universe bursting alive within the space of one fleeting moment.

Click here for all the photos from our shoot!

All of these amazing photos are from Tiffani Bearup.

Check out her full set on Flickr.

Tell her how much you love her work here on Facebook or in the comments below!

Want to read more about my process from dreadlocks to a shaved head?

All dreadlock posts from start to finish are here.

Part One: My announcement video of my decision to shave my dreads

Part Two: A more in-depth, emotional and raw video on my decision

Part Three: Putting The Process of Shaving Them into Words (and lots of photos)

Part Four: A GORGEOUS Video and words from other women who’ve done the same

And lastly: Burning My Dreadlocks: The Final Goodbye

This really crazy thing can happen when your 5th wheel tries to roll away without you. Twice.

It can really mess with your sense of stability. Go figure.

The first time it happened in Washington a few months ago while we were visiting the Burditt’s. We could see the slope that time, so we thought we understood it and learned from it.

(Side note: Just to illustrate the difference in my and my husband’s response time. When I saw Jazz moving backward without us, I froze, terrified. Justin? He jumped into action, reaching out and trying to stop it with his bare hands. Definitely the guy you want in a tight spot.)

But the second time it happened (about two months ago) there was no discernible slope. We were at a campground, in a level campsite and had just unhook the truck when it slid back off the two inch leveling blocks with a hard thud to the ground.

Oh, did I mention Zeb and our dog were inside when it happened? Nothing like a mama heart attack.

After that second time I sat outside the RV for hours, unable to go in, unable to unfix my gaze from the front jacks. As if my watchful vigilance was the only thing keeping us in one place.

But it was the dizziness that really messed me up.

Anytime we leveled the jacks, put the slides in or out, hooked up or unhooked, or… you know, made the slightest move, I’d get so dizzy as to almost fall over.

If you’ve been in a 5th wheel or any RV, you know there is always perceivable movement. Which means I was almost always dizzy.

And let me just say, it’s terrifying to feel every subtle movement. Every tiny wiggle, every creak, heaven forbid a freaking lurch…it’s heart-clenching and stomach-dropping and awful.

I knew when we made the choice to travel two years ago I would be confronting a sense of stability. A “sticks and bricks” house denotes at least a certain level of stability.

But I never experienced this ungrounded sense in Benny the Brave. Maybe it was having two axles to rest on instead of one, but I found it easier to lean into an inner sense of stability last year.

This year, though, you could call The Year of the Stretch.

I’ve been stretched and grown in ways that surpass all human comprehension and language. I feel as though I’ve been on a spiritual fast track as I experience the depths of the human condition and come out the other side in awe again and again.

But my inner stability has been the furthest stretch yet.

You see, I actually WANT this uncomfortable experience.

I want to learn how to deeper access my own sense of inner stability, to find a grounded peace within any storm, to walk on the steady ground of my own heart and Soul.

So since that horrific rolling away incident, I’ve leaned into grounding myself.

I’ve spent time barefoot in the grass and the sand, visualized my feet growing roots into the Earth, and I’ve considered piling rocks around Jazz’s wheels and jacks to reaffirm to the world that we are, in fact, grounded and not rolling anywhere.

I’ve also gently leaned into what I may start calling the Great Stretch.

I’ve done my own inner work, sought support from my own coaches, leaned into my own Source, and looked at and processed every element of my reaction and fear, from psychological to spiritual to physical and back again.

It’s as though I’m peeling back layers around this thing called stability, knowing it and its place in my life deeper and through the incident and my own response to it, understanding my own self deeper and with more compassion.

Thankfully the dizziness is rare now. And I’ve found there is a gift in sensing every small movement (lurkers don’t stand a chance).

But more than anything I’m thankfully to be finding my own rugged and unyielding sense of stability, not in my physical environment (although I now understand the importance of grounding our physical selves) but inside myself.

Because I know the world will always change outside of me. I know the unpredictable will continue to occur.

And I also know that it’s my own inner footing that keeps me truly unshakable.

True understanding is found through compassion. – my Yogi teabag

For some godawful reason, Northern Michigan has confused August with a season to get cold.

Coming from Nevada, it makes no sense to my body to wake up shivering, but I do love any excuse to make hot tea in the morning.

There’s just something about it, the routine maybe…filling the teapot, lighting the stove, warming my hands by the flame and then with my hot mug. Sipping until it’s cool enough to drink. Slowing down. Not jumping into my day.

I also love my Yogi tea nuggets of wisdom, just a tiny phrase to meditate on while I roll my hot mug between my cold hands. This morning’s wisdom was the one above.

Compassion.

It’s been a word on my tongue a lot lately.

Compassion.

And how often it’s lacking in our words, our thoughts (judgments), our reactions (especially the knee-jerk kind).

When I am connected to compassion I see deeper, feel deeper, connect to others and to Truth deeper.

When my focus is not on compassion I’m absorbed in my own thoughts (judgments), my own reactions, my own sense of victimhood, my own ego.

But compassion takes me out of those things.

Camera + Compassion + My Son

In case you didn’t notice I’m taking a lot of shoddy photos with my phone lately.

I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but my other camera isn’t in the best shape right now.

A couple weeks ago, I took it to the pool and in an effort to keep it dry wrapped it in a towel. Not knowing this and while I was back at the RV, Zeb picked up said towel and my camera fell several feet to the cement.

Thank goodness for an already residing sense of compassion.

I didn’t see the look on his face when it happened but I saw the look when he came up to tell me. It was a mixture of remorse and uncertainty. He knew how much I loved my camera, love to take photos, loved to capture expressions and moments from funny angles. And in my less-than-compassionate moments, he knew that my initial reaction could be the knee-jerk variety.

“Mom, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know your camera was there and I picked up the towel to dry off and…well, it fell and Dad has been trying but it’s not taking pictures now.”

But in that moment, I was fully connected to my own Truth, my own wisdom, my own Bigger Picture.

I was centered and felt content. And so my reaction was one of compassion.

“Really? You’re not upset? Because Spirit in the Sky was playing on the radio when it happened and I thought for sure it was an omen that you were gonna kill me,” he said with a grin. My son, he’s a funny one.

Don’t get me wrong…I felt my own disappointment and sadness over losing something I love.

But I felt a stronger sense of compassion for my son’s disappointment and concern for me.

But Compassion Isn’t Really The Answer

Okay, I really don’t believe compassion is the answer, even if the word is on my tongue a lot lately.

I didn’t take it in stride because I wanted to be compassionate. I didn’t keep my perspective because I focused on what would be the most compassionate.

I was compassionate because I already felt that deep sense of Connection within myself.

And by already being connected to my own Organic Wisdom, I could see with compassion. I could see that he cared deeply for me. I could see his worry. I could see that it was only a cheap lens that broke. And that it was just a camera anyway, a thing. I could see that I hadn’t even been taking many pictures lately. And I could even see my own accountability: I had wrapped it up in a towel and not told anyone after all.

Compassion didn’t allow me to see or understand those things. Being able to see those things without the fogginess of my emotions or knee-jerk reactions allowed me to respond with compassion.

And because hindsight is all a beautiful thing, I can see just how nice it is to only have my cell phone to take pictures – convenient, lightweight and good enough to capture the moment, save time in editing and get back to what really matters.

THIS! This is what life can look like without the junk that gets in the way. When we clear the path we can suddenly do and create the most amazing things!

The only thing that holds us back is what we hold inside.

I read Tara’s manifesto last week and was so moved by it, I decided to order Digging Deepas well.Holy.cow.is.all.I.can.say. I took my time going through it at a pace that seemed right for me. I have to tell you that when I uncovered my first block, I suddenly just had to stop when I was about halfway through the worksheets. My eyes were watering but I wasn’t aware of that at first and I was so tired I literally fell asleep where I was lying. I didn’t sleep much that night though as I thought about what I was uncovering and discovering about beliefs and how it has shaped probably every single encounter I have had in my entire life.

Long story short, an incident that had happened when I was young had made me feel on my core level that I am not to be trusted in this dangerous world.

I can’t even tell you what it is like as I start to free myself from this belief. The biggest issue I was having (and it was really affecting me and my kids I am sure) is that I was resisting playing with my kids and was afraid to take them anywhere (as I can’t be trusted in this dangerous world!).

Wow! Not only has Digging Deep started changing my life but my kids as well. Since completing the workbook, I have signed up for a 5k Warrior Dash (I am not a runner anymore but miss it!) and once a month horse leasing (I don’t know why but I really feel called to be horseback riding!) and I have been taking my kids to the park every night after work and they have been having a blast.

I do not know if I will ever be able to thank you enough, Tara. You truly are an angel.

Sue C.

Sue, you are one incredible, amazing woman and you deserve all the credit for the beauty you’re creating in your life. (((hugs)))

Are you following The Organic Sister on Facebook? I’m over there daily sharing inspiration and Organic Wisdom (because conventional wisdom is spiritual pesticide, after all).

I wanted to share some of that here today…maybe even every Friday if our travel schedule will allow.

Just a small snippet of something, a reminder, a note or some other wisdom to inspire your weekend.

This is a little visual on trusting our kids…or rather, the ugly cycle we create when we don’t consistently lean into trusting our kids.

I remember the first time I drove a car. It was with my best friend, Hilary, and we were both underage, as we were with many things we did together. Hilary had snuck the keys to her mother’s car and she ever so  s l o w l y and cautiously drove us across the street to an empty parking lot.

There we took turn practicing: driving in circles, experimenting with going faster and slower, gassing it, stopping quickly, and attempting to park as we discovered the fluidity of our feet, the pedals and the movement of the vehicle.

Hilary’s mom’s car was a monster.

I’m not sure of the make or model but it reminds me of a Cadillac – wide and long. And we felt safe in it. We knew we couldn’t roll it, and it wouldn’t be easily dented, either.

That night in the parking lot gave us the feeling of uninhibited freedom.

We could move and explore the feeling of control without fear of mistake, condemnation or danger, except for a random light pole.

These were things we didn’t feel we could explore at home. We didn’t always feel the freedom to press our limits and test our abilities. We were loved. More than most. But we didn’t feel completely understood or accepted.

But out in the dimly lit parking lot, with only our friendship to know what we were attempting, we could find our rhythm, our own speed.

We could learn our capabilities without any doubt, fear or criticism to slow us down.

When I think back to that night and I look at my son quickly approaching teen-hood, I’m reminded what that parking lot and my best friend taught me:

Every person of every age and every background has the same basics needs and the same basic desire to fill those needs.

We didn’t take the car to be difficult or dangerous. We took it to fulfill a need we didn’t know any other way to fulfill. We needed to experience the freedom and sense of accomplishment that dark lot provided us and we needed to experience it in an environment of encouragement and appreciation.

We needed to feel as if the person sitting next to us trusted us, encouraged us and laughed with us over our jerky attempts to move forward – in life and in the undentable beast that was her mom’s car.

photo

So, we identified 11 signs life might be demanding personal growth and we established the 5 principles (of life, really) you must know before you begin.

I can’t offer you a panacea here. What I can offer you are the things I know that create success in our own journey of self-discovery, the realization of our dreams, and the movement through our challenges.

1. Create space.

   You might call this stillness or white space or solitude. Whatever term resonates with you, creating plenty of undisturbed time to work through and process your personal growth (or just sit in or with it) is crucial.You simply cannot grow through distraction.

   Take yourself to the library for several hours a few times a week, head to a coffee shop, wake up before the rest of the house or go to bed later. Do not be tempted to take along something to do (especially a task you feel “needs to be done”); this is time to feel, to think to yourself, not to cross items off your To Do list. (Note to self: Avoid the internet.)

   But feel free to take a journal, a book that has been calling your name or some peaceful music. These tools will allow you to dig deeper or just sit and Be with yourself in new ways.

2. Be patient.

   Growth also takes time. It can feel painstakingly slow or even stalled (sometimes it might actually stall, too). Along with being gentle, you also need to treat yourself with patience.

   Don’t beat yourself for making mistakes or moving too slowly or whatever else you might be feeling toward your own progress. Don’t judge yourself by someone else’s measure.

   And don’t forget that great strides almost always follow times of stillness.

   Life – and thus growth – is not a sprint. Feel good about slowing down.

3. Be gentle with yourself.

   Growth takes energy and stamina. There will be times when it overwhelms you or frustrates you, when you feel as though you’re making no progress or making things worse.

   Be gentle with yourself during these times. Take stock of the big picture and remind yourself of the huge task of healing, recovery and growth you’re undergoing.

   Take yourself and your life seriously, treat yourself with compassion and care, use kind words to describe where you are and don’t belittle yourself, where you are or what you’re experiencing to anyone. Especially you.

4. Stay open to the possibilities.

   Assumptions have no place here. You may or may not feel as though your life is taking a particular direction, and whatever you’re feeling, that’s okay.

   Remain open to new people, new ideas and new tools for personal growth. Also remain open to the fact that it all might change or totally surprise you.

   Trust it. Open yourself to the idea that you are a wise and wonderful person and your intuition – that tiny little voice or thought that won’t stop – is trying to tell you exactly what you need to know. (Or maybe just what you need to know first.)

5. Acknowledge without guilt. Speak truth without blame.

   This is a biggie. And also a toughie.

   If feelings of guilt, anger or resentment over your past or present circumstances begin to rise to the surface, you need to acknowledge them. You need to deeply feel these emotions, being with them and allowing them to teach you.

   You need to surrender to them so they can surrender their grip on you.

   But please remember these are your feelings based on your perspectives. No one else needs them; they belong to no one else.

   Bringing anger or resentment to a conversation, or dwelling on guilt, does nothing but tear down the possibility for healing. These negative emotions breed with the insecurity, guilt or resentment of others and create more of the same.

   There may be a time to have these conversations, but only after the emotions have released us and we can speak with compassion, understanding and strength. If you can’t do that, it’s not time to have the conversation.

6. Receive support.

   We have a funky belief in our society that it’s better to give than to receive.False, false, false!

   Just looking at this logically can show us that someone has to receive so that someone else can enjoy the gift of giving.

   Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin: Equal and important gifts to ourselves and others.

   Allowing ourselves to receive connects us deeply to one another. It gives others the opportunity to make a difference, to remember their own importance and to practice generosity.

   And it feeds us, fills us up. Receiving gives us the ability to give freely to others. It creates an environment of generosity and compassion.

   So receive! But ask carefully. Know the limits and boundaries of others and ask for help from those in a place to give. Different people will be capable of supporting you in different ways, so be okay with that.

7. Trust, trust, trust.

   Lean into the process. Lean into love. Lean into life and growth and expansion.

   Trust the people you turn to for support. Trust yourself. Trust what you feel you need, even if it feels counterproductive.

   Trust your authenticity. Trust that you were created for a purpose. Trust that there are no mistakes…least of which, you.

   Trust that darkness is only the absence of light. And trust your ability and courage to let your own light shine.

8. Begin digging deep.

   This is what I call my process of uncovering the things that are holding me back, understanding my fears and my blocks and moving through them.

   It’s also the name of my e-book and audiobook, Digging Deep: A Toolbox and Workbook for Personal Growth.

   I’m super excited (and nervous) to share it with you. It is the heart and soul of Who I Am and what I do. It’s been my journey and my key to success and I’m pouring everything I have into making this a reality.

   You can learn more about it here: Digging Deep: A Toolbox and Workbook for Personal Growth.

What do you want to know?

I said I could easily do more than 3 posts on this topic. And I can. But the subject is vast and it’s hard to know where to take it.

So, tell me…what are your questions? What do you want to know about personal growth? Ask me anything in the comments below (or via email) and I’ll offer what I have.

Part One: 11 Signs Your Life is Demanding Personal Growth

Part Two: 5 Principles of Personal Growth to Absorb Right Now

[This is Part 2 or a 3 Part series.]

If any of the 11 signs of personal growth described in my first post resonated with you, or if you agree that we’re undergoing something major and world-shifting and if you’re feeling ready to take one step forward, I’d invite you to start by bringing your awareness to and absorbing these five principles.

I can almost guarantee you that without understanding and fully embracing these principles, your own journey will be slower, punctuated by more pain and self-doubt and peppered with more challenges.

Trust me, I would know.

But embracing these principles of life and personal growth can lift the heaviness of where we are from our shoulders and create an environment of peace and even excitement in our lives. It can shift us from overwhelm or apathy to clarity, acceptance and motivation.

Here they are, pretty much in the order of importance.

1. You are not wrong, broken, bad, or crazy.

It’s so tempting to use those words to describe ourselves. After all, conventional wisdom tells us if we’re feeling happy one moment and sad the next, if we can’t stop crying, or if we suddenly desire something more than what we’re accustomed to that we’re either bi-polar, depressed or experiencing a mid-life crisis.

I say screw them.

You are not wrong, broken, bad or crazy. You are human. You are diverse, sometimes messy and constantly evolving. You experience life deeply and it moves you in sometimes uncomfortable, but always opportunistic, ways.

All of this is good! And don’t for one minute think it’s not, for all of this is exactly what has been experienced by the great movers and shakers of the world, the creatives, the philosopher’s, the leaders and the world changers. They just didn’t had the burden of judgment or expectation like we do today.

2. Everyone does the best they can with the tools they have.

If you or someone else is not doing their personal best or the best you think is possible, it means you/they either lack the necessary tools or something else is getting in your/their way.

Understanding this gives us the ability to view ourselves and others with compassion and patience. It also begs to ask what we can do to help.

Life isn’t a sprint for everyone. We’re all going to move at our own pace. Treating yourself and others with gentle compassion and trust is the only way to ensure we’ll all keep growing. Judgment, guilt, fear, impatience…they are surefire ways to shut growth down.

Along with this principle is the fact that we are all looking and moving toward a greater good when we are fully authentic and feeling whole. We all ultimately and truly want what is best for everyone, even if we don’t know or are confused on how to get it.

If you’re struggling with personal growth, keep this one in mind and seek out new tools or self-awareness to get yourself unstuck.

3. There is no such thing as a lost opportunity.

Life is cyclical. Things always come back around.

If you feel as though you (or someone else) missed an opportunity, or maybe you just don’t feel ready for it, you can rest assured it will make its way back to you.

Be careful pushing things aside for later though; sometimes it’s harder to accomplish the second time than if you embrace the opportunity the first time around.

Instead, I’d recommend trusting that there are no mistakes and that the timing is perfect, even if not from our limited perspective.

4. The bigger your game, the bigger the obstacles.

Who here has ever been onto something really, really juicy and suddenly been blindsided by a string of bad luck, innumerable challenges or some serious self-sabotaging? (*raising hand*)

It can feel like everything is going wrong. It can feel like the cards are stacked against you. And you can begin to question what you’re doing – is it the right thing to do or am I the right person for the job?

Often times this looks like chaos, until we can be still and clearly see what it is: It’s not life or fate conspiring against us. It’s not bad luck. It’s just our own junk finally demanding face time.

Every time you’re about to experience a serious breakthrough, everything that does not serve you or will not serve you in the future, every old story you’ve told yourself, every fear that has held you back, every personal challenge you’ve ever had and never dealt with will suddenly surface.

Why?

Because they have no place in what you’re trying to create and in order to move forward into your future, you’ll have to spend some time with each of the things that has been holding you back.

Without giving them their face time, you won’t be able to leave them behind and without leaving them behind, you won’t move forward.

You can think of it a little like life testing your resolve. Or you can think of it as a spring cleaning of your soul to prepare you for the summer of your life.

Whatever image resonates with you, get ready to bring you’re A-game. Cuz it’s on.

5. This Too Shall Pass – If You Allow It

I don’t only mean if you allow it to pass, although not holding onto discord, drama or pain out of comfort or fear of change is important too.

What I really mean, though, is that you must allow yourself to be in this uncomfortable place for it to finally and fully come to pass. Resisting where you are or what you feel just postpones the process, and since life is cyclical (as described above), it will come back around.

This is the paradox of personal growth: Only by embracing What Is (the reality, the emotions, the everything) exactly as it is – with radical acceptance and without expectations of change – can it finally let us go.

You’ve got to be with it to be without it.

Sit with the sadness, the anger, the memories, the questions. Call them out and acknowledge them fully. Spend some time swimming in it. Without pointing fingers (at yourself or anyone else), just dwell in your experience. Allow it all to bubble out until there is finally nothing left to bubble and it detaches itself from you and you can experience the weightlessness left in its place.

By allowing it, it detaches itself from you and you from it. Then it becomes something that simply is, that has no power over you, and you can look at it with gratitude or compassion but no longer with pain or discomfort.

Included in this principle is a message of patience. As much as we’d like to, we simply cannot rush the process.

Deep breath. You’ll soon be glad you couldn’t.

Join the conversation:
Which of these principles is hardest for you to absorb?

Part One: 11 Signs Your Life Is Demanding Personal Growth (And It’s Time To Listen)

Part Three: 8 Ways to Make Personal Growth Happen