My Strategy When Things Hit Fans (Video)

Every have a time when everything seems to be falling apart around you and you can’t keep your head above water?

I have. Plenty of them. I like to think Life throws them my way because I’m so great at it. 😉

This question had been on my mind, so I created a video on what I do to get me back into mySelf so I can handle what comes my way.

There is a time and a place for action…but for me it must come after I feel grounded again. Otherwise my action is disjointed and scattered. And that’s no way to solve anything.

Ask yourself:

What do I need to feel?

What do I need to experience first?

Then and only then, ask yourself…what do I get to do next?

My Belly Feels Empty, But My Heart is Full

We’re officially one week into our elimination diet and the biggest challenge is probably boredom. With so few foods and flavors to choose from it’s annoying more than anything else.

I’ve also struggled with hypoglycemia and woke up yesterday with too low blood sugar, almost passing out and taking several hours to recover. Not good.

So I’m adding in salmon on intuition and am feeling better now. (Justin is going to continue going without for awhile longer.)

We have had so many questions on the elimination diet and how to do it and I think it can pretty much all be boiled down to this:

Listen to your body. Trust it.

Every body is different, and each individual’s needs will vary throughout their life too.

Food dogma is bullshit. Intuition is king.

We chose this elimination diet on intuition. We choose to follow it how our intuition guides us.

And the more we do that, the better we feel.

Heart = Full

Feels myself howling at this one.
Happy Full Moon 🙂

Even though we’ve been learning how to fill our bellies, my heart right now is expanding like WHOA.

The past few months have been rough for us, and we’ve been consistently pulled back to look for the cause and the shifting Life is asking us to make.

Zeb has been really struggling.

Really struggling.

He’s 12.5 now and becoming a man, not as smoothly as we had hoped (ah, those parental ideas – that’s a whole story in itself).

It hasn’t been fun to say the least.

It’s been hard.

And Justin and I have been triggered a lot.

And individually and together we’ve had some really bad moments that suck suck suck.

But thankfully we leaned into our tribes and our tools and we kept coming back, kept making amends for the mistakes, kept putting our intentions and our heart into finding what’s missing for all of us, what each of us needs to thrive.

We kept coming back to the drawing board again and again.

Until we finally had the Aha moment. The breakthrough.

In a few heart-wrenching, emotional and deeply connecting conversations Zeb articulated what was happening beneath the surface for him.

Beneath the anger and the frustration and the blah and the rut.

He’s lonely.

He enjoys traveling, but it’s not filling his cup with a Tribe of his own.

He wants more than Mom and Dad.

Going back to Vegas was a wonderful thing for him. But it was only temporary.

And he struggles to connect with people as we travel. He can feel awkward and uncomfortable until he warms up – like we all experience at some point. And so as we go along he feels withdrawn more than he’d like to without that extra time to settle into a comfortable place with people. By the time he’s forming a connection, either we or the other family is heading off.

Can I tell you what a GIANT sigh of relief it is to finally hear this from him?

For a long time he couldn’t put his finger on it. Even when we would check in with him about it, he wasn’t fully aware of it.

It can be hard as a kid (heck, for most adults too) to see with clarity what is really happening inside.

He needs community.

And we have been feeling that same need ourselves.

Zeb needs guys to hang with, to run with, to laugh with, to grow with.

Justin needs men to connect with, to sit with, to feel like himself with.

I need women to hug with, to walk with, to celebrate with, to dance with.

We also want to continue to travel!

So we talked and drew out our ideas.

We discussed traveling one more year to see the East coast, then settling down so Zeb could try out a Sudbury School.

But one year felt like a long time to wait.

Then a beautiful traveling family, Angela and Clint and their 3 kids, invited us to their budding caravan, but they were headed to the West coast and had plenty of big plans and it just didn’t seem like the pieces would fit.

The idea of not joining them had me bummed.

I resonated so strongly with the families that were already gathering around the idea. I loved the moments I had been able to grab here and there with them – at the first Full Moon feast in January, at a FOTR rally, even through email when we could.

But I’ve learned enough in my 30 years to not try to force anything. That it never works best that way. That things either happen organically or they don’t happen all that well.

So I stressed a little. And let go a little. And leaned into Trust a little.

And tried to remind myself that when we plant the seeds of our intentions, Life/Spirit/magic happens.

And it did.

Not pictured: Drumming papas, belly dancing mamas, galavanting kiddos, great convo, tears and laughter.
Around the Fire

Angela and Clint invited us again to another full moon feast – a monthly gathering of traveling and non-traveling families and friends to eat, talk, connect, make music and make even more laughter.

We couldn’t camp with them, but we drove 45 minutes to visit for the evening.

Zeb ran off with the kids.

Justin drummed with the men.

I connected with the women.

Fire dancing mamas!
Fire dancing mamas!

We felt at home.

And my heart ached a little to know it would only last an evening this time.

And then I heard the most beautiful thing I could imagine.

And it’s bringing tears to my eyes to write it out.

Angela explained how their plans had shifted. How they aren’t heading to the West coast. How they are traveling up the East coast this year. Exactly to the place we wanted to most see.

Inside my heart jumped a little.

Said a tiny Eep!

Goosebumps. And tears. And hugs. And laughing. And “See?”

She and I knowing and seeing (again) that Trust always leads us in the most beautiful direction.

That everyone’s needs – for connection, for adventure, for timing – will always be met.

That this was the beginning of a beautiful thing.

Zeb is on board. Wholeheartedly. Can’t wait.

Justin’s feeling it out, has some hesitation to examine, some things to sit with internally. But I can trust fully the right pieces will fall into the right place and at the right time now.

And my heart is filled to the brim with the idea of having our own tiny, traveling village of mindful parents, and passionate women, and strong, gentle men and confident children, and entrepreneurs, and autodidacts, and diversity, and laughter.

We have details to work out, and schedules to coordinate, and plans to create.

After all, this isn’t JUST a caravan they’re planning – it’s bigger than that. And I can’t wait to share it. 🙂

But right now I’m just happy to share my heart and my soul and my answered prayers and the smile and excitement of my previously sullen 12 year old whose cup is finally being filled.

And to share this little reminder: Lean into Trust. Life is good.

8 Strategies to Fill Your Cup, Tea Parties with Fear and RootsofShe.com

Have you heard of Roots of She?

It’s this gorgeous website offered by this beautiful woman, Jenn Gibson, to help you create connection, joy and solidarity in your life.

I’m part of her Winter Tribe, offering bits of Organic Wisdom every other week. And it dawned on me that I hadn’t shared those links with you!

Post #1: One Last Tea Party With Fear

Post #2: 8 Strategies to Fill Your Cup, Even When You “Don’t Have Enough Time”

There’s four more posts to come before spring!

Jenn has also been my coaching client for the last several months, meaning I’ve had the honor to know her, her vision and her heart and soul deeply and intimately, and let me just say, Wow! Jenn is doing some beautiful things in her world and to watch her and support her has been incredible and inspiring and seriously…fun!

Here’s a peak into what our work together has looked like:

Be sure to check out and subscribe to Roots of She to see all the awesome stuff she’s creating over there!

Cutting My Dreadlocks, Contagious Clippers – And a Video!

The always gorgeous, always talented Tiffani Bearup sent me over the first of two videos of our Head Shaving weekend.

I love you, Tiffani. You helped me commemorate one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Thank you for your talent, your heart and soul and all the tiny things you offered me in one brilliant weekend. ♥

It’s Contagious, I Tell Ya

There is something about it that is contagious. Check it out:

From Wild Zen:

It was perfect, a part of the deep cleansing I was doing, a way to take what was inside and wear it outside, a symbol of new transformation in my life. I thought it was going to be a lesson in embracing my ugly – I wasn’t expecting to feel so radiant and sexy! I have bounds of clarity, especially in what is “other people’s stuff” and what’s mine (like how some people can see my beauty, some feel shaving my head is weird, and some people were way more attached to my curls than even I was). Sometimes I feel like a monk ripe with readiness for enlightenment, and sometimes I feel like a gypsy goddess extraordinaire. One thing is for sure, this is the mark of a new beginning for me. I feel reborn. I have been making some serious space in my life over the past few months, and I look forward to growing with my hair and appreciating it all in new ways. My curls are not what make me beautiful – I am

From Alicia Thiede of Milagro Girl:

Within hours of coming home from that meeting I shaved my hair, all of it. And it felt very liberating. It felt like I had finally dealt with this thing that I was called to do and had resisted. It felt like completing this task that had been waiting and calling to me.

That was five days ago. It still catches me off guard when I see my reflection and I’m reminded that that’s really me staring back. There is no hiding anymore, there is no cowering behind the fringe on top. I am all out there.

Since then at least 8 other women (and kids!) have joined the ranks of buzzed, including Zeb who didn’t shave it completely bald but came pretty darn close AND Tiffani who shaved her head right after finishing with my photos!

I’m thinking of starting a club…maybe a “No Hair for Women Club” or a “Hair Liberation Club” or a “You Only Live Once, Better Rock It While You Can Club”.

Okay, maybe not a club, but at least a collection of stories.

I would LOVE to hear YOUR experience with shaving your head. Your photos. Your videos. Your blog posts.

WHY did you feel drawn to it? WHAT was the experience like? HOW did it affect you as a woman?

Share your experiences in the comments below!


Want to read more about my process from dreadlocks to a shaved head?

All dreadlock posts from start to finish are here.

Part One: My announcement video of my decision to shave my dreads

Part Two: A more in-depth, emotional and raw video on my decision

Part Three: Putting The Process of Shaving Them into Words (and lots of photos)

Part Four: A GORGEOUS Video and words from other women who’ve done the same

And lastly: Burning My Dreadlocks: The Final Goodbye

September NEWness, Highlights + Inspiration!

Fall is here! And as silly as it sounds, I’m very excited to finally be in a climate that will allow me to watch the leaves change.

Currently we’re in Kentucky, heading south to Tennessee to spend time with family and celebrate my great-granny’s 97th birthday (hopefully with a little surprise for her if I can manage my time well!).

NEW Excitement!

THE ORGANIC SISTERHOOD! Wahooooooo! It’s launched! It’s growing! It’s bee-yoooo-tee-ful! Have you received your access code yet?

ODDBALL JUGGLING! Have you seen Justin and Zeb’s new business! They are making juggling balls for families and sharing the fun and benefits of juggling with everyone!

♥ From Sustainable Baby Steps: Oh all kinds of new stuff over there, from Healthy Breakfast Foods to Natural Family Planning Methods and more new stuff in between!

You Are Not Alone: Five Powerhouse Ladies Tell the Truth About Anxiety You can read about my story with fear and anxiety and how I kick it in the tushy over at The Illuminated Truth.

September Blog Highlights

Being a Parent vs. Being a Friend My thoughts on the question as to whether we can or should be the very best friends we can be to our kids. It’s been the one rebuttal that actually got the naysayers thinking.

End of Summer Reflections “Sometimes I forget just how different our lives are from others. We eat when we’re hungry, never raise our hands to get permission to pee, & we don’t have to work when someone else tells us to. We get to love what we do all the time, instead of just holidays & weekends & if we’re tired by the end of the day it’s a fulfilled tired, not an exhausted-depressed tired.”

4 Things Your Fear of Change Really Means: It’s always deeper than it looks. There are always roots to our fears that can be pulled out, examined and thrown in the compost. 🙂

Actually Reading Together Changed My Opinion of It: It’s not about the benefit of reading or a love of reading or learning to read. It’s not about teaching my child or guiding him. It’s about sharing something together – whether it’s books or something else. It’s the bond.

Instability and the Great Stretch: All about my own personal growth and the lessons that come from being on the road.

Inspiration!

Back to (the wrong) school: Seth Godin is probably one of this generation’s most incredible leaders and thinkers. After this post, is it any wonder I love him so?

Scientists Turn Brain Visual Memories into Video: Yes! I’ve been talking about turning my dreams into movies for re-watching for decades! THIS might mean we’re finally close!

Milagro Girl: Have you met the new girl in town? Alicia and her beautiful message are both beautiful and inspiring.

Faster than the speed of light? Scientists have found particles faster than the speed of light! FASTER! This is incredible and seriously freaking out the scientific community, who apparently still hate finding out they don’t yet know it all. 😉

Entrepreneurs: Please Don’t Puke On Me. Love, Ashley. Yup. This pretty much says it all.

Online Marketing Toolbox For you entrepreneurs out there, Dave Navarro is sadly closing up shop. He’s offering all his workshops for the donation amount of your choice! Can’t make a donation? That’s okay too!

Labor of love: Teen doula helps young moms through childbirth Oh my goodness. This brings tears to my eyes. If there is anything a teen mom needs, it’s most definitely the love and care of doula and friend.

What’s been inspiring you?

Being a Parent vs. Being a “Friend”

I was recently asked this question by a girlfriend on Facebook, about my take on whether parents should be friends of their kids.

Tara and Zeb

The Comment/Question

Tara – Here’s a thought I’ve had. I’ve been in a lot of discussions about parenting that include those who view “being your child’s friend” as a very negative thing – “be a parent, not a friend”. I really feel like there’s this false dichotomy between having a good relationship or teaching/guiding them – like they are mutually exclusive. The “be a parent” crowd assumes that if we are focusing on maintaining a close, connected relationship, it means that the kids just do whatever they want and have no respect. What if being a friend and parent weren’t mutally exclusive? I would love your take on this. – Cindy from www.birth-smart.com

My Answer

I would ask them who the heck their friends are and why they have such a low idea of what real friendship is. 😉

In my world, a friend is someone who loves me compassionately, who sees my worth when I may not see it, who listens deeply and never encourages me to do less than I’m capable of doing, nor do they support my actions if those actions are hurting me or others.

A real friend brings out the best in me with love and laughter and support.

So who the heck have they been hanging out with that isn’t all those things? And why wouldn’t we want to be those things to our child? 🙂

And I want to add:

Maybe if more kids were used to seeing this kind of love and support from their parents they wouldn’t be accepting anything less in their friends.

What is your take on the parent/friend conversation?

And just because I can, I want to share a video I created that reminds me just how quickly it passes, just how much we should cherish the tender moments and just how much we miss out on when we’re more concerned with how we’ll look as parents, instead of the moments of connection we’re capturing with our kids.

Digging Deep: It’s About You

I’ve had the Most. Amazing. feedback from all of you about Digging Deep! You can read some of those below.

I’ve also had a few questions about the e-book…whether it’s a good fit for you, what it can do or how you can use it in your life.

I thought it would be easier to talk about it than write about it. So here goes….

Digging Deep: It’s About You from Tara Wagner on Vimeo.

(Why does Vimeo insist on showing the awkward frames?)

Some of the beautiful, soulful, exciting words I’ve been hearing from you…

This book is exactly what I needed right now—I can feel that I’m ready to experience greatness and I have to let go of all that is holding me back. Love, love, love the book. Especially the audio. LOVE. IT. – Patti

I have to say, that I don’t normally go for things like this, the self-helpy stuff. But something about this pulled me in…. Your words, your voice, your thoughts and your knowledge are powerful and insightful… this is just what I needed. – Vanessa

If you’re ready to DIG in, click this link or the banner below.

Sharing My Message from the Bay

I have a short message to share with you today…

My Message from the Bay from Tara Wagner on Vimeo.

And to expand on that…

When I started doing unschooling coaching last year, it was really very quick that I realized most of our challenges do not come from unschooling, but from our parenting struggles and so I began to offer coaching specified toward organic parenting advice.

But in this past year I’ve gained clarity on the fact that unschooling and parenting are not hard, unless something more personal is getting in our way.

Sounds kinda obvious, right?

But what I found was that my coaching was becoming less about parenting or learning without school and more about our deep fundamental beliefs as women, as human beings.

I realized that when we shifted the focus from what we are doing to what we are believing, everything – not just parenting or education – became easier and clearer. Because it’s those beliefs that affect not only our parenting, but our ability to be the partners we want to be, and create the lives or dreams we want to create.

Our deepest core beliefs shape everything we do.

So much of my message – the one I mentioned above in the video – hangs on that sentence. And that’s why my blog and my coaching have shifted.

I’m still working with parents. But more than that, I’m working with people (women, really – whether they are mothers or not) who want to organically and authentically create something in their life and who are ready for the tools, support and resources to make it happen.

Because that’s what my message is about: Being Organic all the way to our core. And without any doubt, this is what I’m here to share.

If you’re ready to create something amazing, empowering and supportive, I’m ready to offer you the tools, the encouragement and even the accountability to make it happen.

(P.S. We were at Bodega Bay, not Botega Bay like I said in the video.)