4 Weeks In: The Public School Update

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When I was pregnant with Zeb I had several Wise Women approach me…you know the kind that just seem to have a spark of knowing something? Women from my mom’s church, my mom’s best friend on her death bed, strangers in the grocery store…they would tell me I was having a boy, they would say there was something this child was in this world to do, they would tell me that he was here to make a difference. And each time they would talk I’d have this image of a man, a leader, but without details of what that would mean or what he might be doing.

Earlier this year Zeb excitedly came to me with, “Mom, I finally know what I want to do when I grow up.” Because you know, this was something that had been weighing heavily on him. When I asked what that is, he replied: “I’m going to change the world.” Well then. πŸ™‚ When I asked what that might look like he told me he didn’t have that part figured out yet, but at least he knew what he was meant to do.

These past few weeks as I’ve watched him so quickly step into what feels like his whole self, and step out of what felt like a 4 year funk, I’m reminded of these things. I feel like he’s no longer at the foot of the mountain looking up at what he feels his role is and feeling overwhelmed. I feel like he’s on his way. And like Life is coming together to take him down the exact roads with the exact people and the exact experiences – fun or challenging – that he’ll need to show him the answer to that question, of how exactly he gets to take part in changing the world.


Today is the 1st day of Zeb’s 4th week of high school, and I’m being asked left, right, and center how things are going. And I have to say, they are going really well. Challenging at times. But perfect, too. There are so many big and little moments to share, so many things he’s encountered, or we’ve encountered. So many learning curves (again, his and ours). For those that are as curious as I always was, yes…I’m going to break it all down. Just know that this is hardly 2% of the amazing picture unfolding for this amazing kid of mine.

I think the first thing I’m surprised about is the morning routine. From infancy, this boy has not been a morning person. In the 2.5 years he went to school as a little kiddo, every single morning was hell on earth. Getting him up and ready resulted in a daily argument. So I was more than a little nervous of having to drag him out of bed every morning. We had talked about it over the summer, and he had been working to get into an early morning routine without much luck. I had told him quite adamantly that I won’t be having stressful mornings trying to wake a sleeping teen, so we got him using an alarm clock.

It hasn’t been an issue once. He is up and out of bed the moment his alarm rings at 5:55am. He jumps right into the shower before I even have a chance to say good morning (probably safer that way anyway), and he’s dressed, packed up, eating, and waiting to leave about 15 minutes before he needs to be. He also goes to bed by 8:30 every night, so that he’s asleep by 9:30. (He’s got to be one of the most self-disciplined people I know. Even when we try, he won’t budge on his sleep schedule.)

Of his 4 Honors classes, he’s kept only 3 so far. We dropped Algebra Honors after the first week. It wasn’t AT ALL like described, and he was stressing out. Add to that a condescending comment made on the part of the substitute teacher, and he was not at all confident in sticking it out.

He’s still not digging Algebra 1, and he got a 55% on his first test to prove it. But his second test was a 90%! This was SUCH a huge boost to his confidence after feeling so embarrassed and frustrated at first. We will likely still be working with a tutor (a former math teacher and unschooling dad! yay!), but I think most of what he needs is just a little extra hands-on time and some help with study, note-taking, and test-taking skills. And to not have his mom try to explain it. Because that’s a recipe for disaster. Overall though, we all agreed that as long as he passes Algebra, just so he doesn’t have to retake it, we don’t really care.

Why? Because Zeb is VERY clear on his strengths and what he’s wanting to do as a career, and math plays a very minuscule part in it, if any part at all. His goal has more to do with politics, or social change of some sort, so that’s what we’re helping him focus on and get from the classes he’s in.

Can you spot an *excited* Zeb?  #zebturns15 #zebgoestoschool

He LOVES Debate for this reason! The class is very interactive, with lots of discussion and each person gets a chance to speak publicly at least once a week. There are improv exercises, and opportunities to share opinions on the topic of your choice, and they’ll be debate matches in his future. This is probably one of his favorite classes, because he sees the need for oratory skills in his future, and wants to hone them. He’s also in a class of mixed ages, freshman to seniors, and he enjoys the maturity level of the older students much more than what he deals with in other classes. πŸ˜‰

He’s bored in Art so far, mostly because there’s not a lot of room for artistic expression yet. (A fact he finds ironic.) He enjoys Geography, since it’s a lot of current affairs. He comes home talking about Isis and Middle Eastern tensions, and although it’s a little heavy on the patriotism/”We’re the greatest!” for his tastes, he’s still really enjoying the class (the tests, not so much).

He’s NOT a fan of Biology, but I AM a fan of his teacher. We went to speak with her because he wasn’t sure if he should stay in Honors, especially if Biology isn’t his area of focus. When she heard what his area of focus is, and his passion for environmentalism, she made the point that to make a difference in those arenas in politics, you have to be well-informed on the topics. This really spoke to Zeb, especially since she’s also passionate on non-GMO and sustainability. I mean, he’s not enjoying the boring parts they are currently working on, but he’s sticking it out. She was also really helpful in letting him known if he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed that he can step away during class, or come to her with anything. I really like her. πŸ™‚

English Honors is the other class we weren’t sure he’d enjoy and he actually really does. He came home the first day so excited because another student had made an ignorant, homophobic comment in class, and his teacher had such a swift response of zero-tolerance for bullying, or inequality in all forms. He said it was the best part of his first day. πŸ™‚ He’s liking the reading they do, and he feels like honing his writing skills is going to serve him when he is working to save the world from itself. We even had this amazing conversation about the use of poetry in social change by the likes of Maya Angelou and Martin Luther King Jr. Plus, his teacher likes comics. So there’s that. πŸ˜‰

The last thing he had was cross country/track, which we dropped last week. 2-3 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, plus fundraising and competitions, a whole lot of condescension, and even social shaming is NOT his thing, nor ours. Instead he found a regular study hall, a Japanese Club, and is considering a volunteerism club, as well. This actually feels way more of a fit for him.

There have been some adjustments. Test-taking and note-taking are still a learning curve. He’s not thrilled with the maturity level of many of the students, but he’s branching out. He’s not thrilled with the fact he can’t wear a hat, but he’s learning to play the game to get what he wants from the experience. He’s not thrilled he had to get a smartphone (he’s kinda anti-cell phones, except maybe a dumb phone), but he went along with it for the classes that needed kids to have a device that would access the internet. And I kinda love that they are so pro-technology.

Mostly, the things I thought would bother him, don’t. The craziness of pep rallies or the lunchroom don’t phase him. Asking to go to the bathroom is a non-issue outside of homeschool discussions. He just doesn’t care like I did. Dealing with immature students is a pain, but he’s cool with ignoring them and has had no problem speaking his mind on issues that matter (thankfully only that one homophobic comment; overall this school really doesn’t have a lot of bullying or social stigma). Homework still sucks though. No getting around that one.

But he’s showing up, and fully. He comes home and gives us a full recount of every highlight (good or bad) of every class. He’s meeting friends and making weekend plans. He’s exposing himself to the resources he’s wanting for his goals, despite the fact that some compromising has to be made to do so. And he’s cool with that. I see it actually making him more confident and stable in his convictions, showing him what to fight for and when to spend his energy elsewhere, if that makes sense. (Acceptance has not been a strong point of his personality, which I equally love and worry about.)

From my end, I’m really happy for him. Mine and Justin’s high schools SUCKED compared to this one, and I’m glad I haven’t let our hangups become his. And maybe it’s because our perspectives have evolved so much, but we all are seeing and experiencing high school as the resource is should be, rather than the nightmare it can be. We’re taking what we want from it, like we try to do with all of life. And Zeb is stepping into that arena and wringing it for all its worth.

He’s also coming into himself more fully. The timing and the classes and the people all seem so perfectly aligned to give him the experiences he was hungry for. In just a few short weeks I see him growing in his opinions, standing taller, putting himself out there in bigger ways. I was terrified that he’d be terrified (or frustrated or any of my other preconceived notions of what his experience would be) and I’m humbled by such a ridiculous assumption as that. I projected my own nerves and my own experiences onto his, instead of standing back and allowing Life to guide him in his own way.

It’s been a beautiful experience. It feels, just…right.

8 Years Unschooling to the First Day of Public High School

This is a really overdue blog post. The whole transition of unschooler-to-public-schooler actually started almost 2 years ago. So excuse me while I quite possibly make this the longest blog post I’ve ever written (or in case it takes you two years to read it). Because I’m sure many of you can understand, there’s a lot that goes into a story like this.

8 years unschooled, first day of high school
Let me start by saying that although the principles and philosophies of unschooling are very much at the heart of our entire lifestyle, we dropped the unschooling label a long time ago. And for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I really started to disconnect with parts of the unschooling community and the lack of respect it ironically showed. It just stopped resonating as a term we needed to use, and even more so as a community we felt we belonged to. I think this is kind of natural, and maybe even as it should be. As some point your life should stop being about the method of life, and just become about your life itself. This is the purpose of the unschooling lifestyle after all…to question the way in which things “should” be, in order to find the way in which they naturally are.

I lost that for awhile. I got caught up in the title, like a badge of honor. I was an Unschooler, and I held that up as an ideal, instead of holding up our own selves.

At this point, “unschooling” is so many different things for me – both good and bad. I’ve kept what I learned from it – mutual respect, treating all people as human beings, working with one another instead of using the top-down approach, laughter and fun, honoring ourselves and our needs. I left the rest – the dogma, the judgment of other parents (although I think I can safely say I was much more aware of not being THAT kind of unschooler, although I’m sure I still came off that way at times), the false idea that it should look a certain way, or if it didn’t, we were doing something wrong.

Actually, let’s go back to the beginning…

How We Stopped Thinking of Ourselves as “Unschoolers”

It was almost two years ago and Justin and I were still catching our breathe after The Big 12. Twelve years old was a shitty year, folks. I know, unschoolers aren’t supposed to have shitty years. Their children are suppose to fart sunshine and rainbows because of the overwhelming joy of living such a Free and Radical Life.

Like this…

What unschooling is like?

Twelve was my year of panic. Of holy-shit-what-am-I-doing-wrong. Or self-doubt and self-hatred. My son was most definitely spewing something colorful from his mouth, but it wasn’t rainbows and glitter. It was anger and frustration and a deep unhappiness and hopelessness for the state of the world, and of course, as an infallible unschooler, that meant it was my fault.

Twelve was also the year I found out the truth about raising teenagers. It! Is! Freaking! Awesome! AFTER they go through the puberty transition.

While I have met many, many teens that transitioned through puberty with their glittery eyes still in tact, I also began to meet unschooling parents of older teens, parents who are amazing and who inspire thousands of other parents, but who also raised a teenager through some unhappy years. These parents don’t often speak of The Hard Years publicly, because well, let’s face it…there’s quite enough teen bashing these days. And while that’s not at all what I wanted, I did want to find someone who could help me breathe and laugh through it. And you don’t find that kind of support in public unschooling forums. You find that shit with girlfriends and a good partner over a few glasses of wine and a late night.

Justin and I did a lot of desperate laughing that year. “Twelve” has become our code word for “you better start laughing before you cry”. We were wise enough to do this laughing privately to ourselves. But I’ll be blunt, making fun of teen drama in the privacy of our own date nights quite literally saved our family from complete annihilation. I wouldn’t want to be the parents who ridicules or taunts in front of others, but I suddenly got where they were coming from. It’s fucking hard to remain grounded, collected, present when your child is just flat out angry all the time. And especially when that anger, despite everyone’s best efforts, gets directed at you.

Zeb still can’t say where all his anger comes from. (And yes, he still deals with it. More on that later.) He expressed to us many times that he hated that he took it out on us. And that helped, too. Knowing he thought he was being a buttonhole, too. We also grew to have a lot of compassion for the eternal struggle that is Twelve. Because we could see how hard it was on him. And we could remember enough of it ourselves.

We read this book called “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy“, which despite the not-so-hot title, was actually a really good book. Well, the first few chapters were anyway. We never finished it. Because all we really needed were those first few chapters where he explained exactly what’s happening in the brain of a teenager. We couldn’t read that and NOT have compassion. But I think more than that, it gave me permission to not hold the expectation of my Perfect Unschooler to be a Perfect Unschooler.

And that was the start of it. Permission to see and support him, not the ideal I had of our life.

Yes, I totally had an expectation and an ideal, because that’s what came with the unschooling package. You see all these amazing teens, and you think “Unschooling creates that. I want that.” So, you go about creating Unschooling. But life and the human condition, neither work that way. And unschooling really shouldn’t either.

I had an expectation that he be happy, self-motivated, interested, and interesting. Instead he was depressed, angry, resistant of anything that looked like anything (even things he enjoyed), completely disinterested, and seriously boring for awhile there.

This is how I know parenting is an exercise in self-growth. Because our children give us exactly what we need to learn to love unconditionally. No freaking conditions, people. It gets hard when you look at it like that.

We were traveling full-time and he wanted to stay in his room (which became affectionately known as The Cave). He missed out on dozens of amazing places, including San Francisco, which really bums him out now. We didn’t push him out very often (generally only once per state), and he said he preferred that. He played video games and read books and while most unschoolers would say “Yay! He was enjoying himself!”, he really wasn’t. He was just stuck. He avoided new things out of fear and discomfort. He was only happy about the fact that he could avoid them, but that didn’t leave him very satisfied. He was overwhelmed and depressed and we tried to respond with more of what we thought he needed.

But more tragically, I wasn’t seeing him as a human being with real struggles and an ego that likes to do crazy shit. I was seeing him as a Super Child, as all children somehow are, completely capable of stopping speeding bullets of bullshit with their toothless grins and overcoming emotional hurdles in a single bound. And if I have to say there was anywhere that unschooling and I went wrong, it would be that. The idea that kids are not still crazy little human beings like the rest of us, that they don’t make bad choices for themselves, and can always listen to their intuition and discern their needs. Yes, we all come from stardust and Light, and when connected to that Source we are amazing beings capable of magical moves of clarity and wisdom. But our egos are still intact from before we are born and even in perfect childhoods, we still discern and create some crazy perspectives that we then get to overcome. Unschooling doesn’t mean you are blessed with the privilege of raising a Buddha or a Christ. It means that maybe you won’t get in their way quite so much, and perhaps their therapy bill will be a little less, because you were at least aware enough of your own crap, your own expectations, your own burden of “should’s” to not give them added baggage for their own journey.

But the idea that unschooling “creates” anything, except maybe a little more space to learn from your mistakes, is just false. You can give your child a calm home, help them work with their strengths and learning style, support them as they chase their dreams, and you know what can still happen? They can have the personality that sees their privileged life and the underprivileged lives of others, and still create for themselves the perspective that they are neither good enough, nor deserving enough to be so happy wen others aren’t. They can feel overwhelmed by the gift of choice. They can think you’re too wild and want to be more orderly. Or they can think you’re too soft and end up being hard. They can feel the overwhelming biological desire to break away from the nest, and just do the exact opposite of any amazing thing you pride yourself on the ability to do. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do, except hope that you can keep your shit together, not take it personally, learn to roll with the mood of the day, and admit you actually know jackshit about who your cild is and what they need.

That last one? Not knowing jackshit about who your child actually is? That’s a humbling one to realize. I would know. I thought living with him 24/7, being able to talk frankly and openly (yes, even through Twelve, we still kept our ability to connect and talk mostly in tact), meant that I knew who my child is. Man, that sounds so arrogant. I barely know who I am and I hang out in my head all day long. To assume I know 1/10th of what’s actually happening in another person’s head, regardless of whether they are 3 or 12 or 15 or even after they tell me…yeah, humbling to realize that’s just not that possible, even when we’re pretty good at it.

And that realization, that I had it all wrong, is what started the mechanisms almost two years ago that had me watching as my 15 year old confidently walked into school this morning.

The Big, Fat, Aha Moment

Yes, it all boils down to this one moment. The moment that all those realizations and life-altering changes in understanding I droned on about up there clicked into place.

Like I said, it was shortly after his thirteenth birthday, still with major remnants of 12, but with full on must-figure-this-out gears moving in my head. We were at a small state park in FL. Zeb had wanted to visit family back home again, so we sent him for a month, something we were doing about twice a year. Except this time I knew his time away was going to change things.

I was walking the hiking paths in the park, thinking(worrying,stressing) about Who He Is and Where He Is and Why He Is, and putting prayers out into the Universe that clarity and understanding would smash all this heartache to bits. And just like that, it kinda did. Kinda.

I had two instant and consecutive visions in my mind that are hard to describe but said exactly this:

“What feels like open space and freedom and possibility to you has been feeling like a gaping, scary vacancy to your son. And what feels like confinement to you, what makes you itchy to squirm and run, what feels claustrophobic, like a straightjacket to you…feels like a warm embrace to him, like two arms wrapped around him, holding him when he tries to take on the task of holding the world together, like a swaddling blanket, warm and comfortable and secure.”

It sounds so silly, so obvious, that maybe what I love isn’t what my child loves or needs. That maybe, just possibly, most likely, my child is the exact opposite of me, because after all he’s not some facsimile that I reproduce on my Xerox baby-making machine. My DNA may be coursing through his body, but personality most certainly is its own dirty animal, capable and quite willing to play some dirty tricks on unsuspecting parents.

Around that time I had started hearing more things about personalities, especially personalities that just take the world more seriously. I started learning that these are the personalities that are often accused on being “perfectionists”, when in fact their strength is in noticing what could be improved, which, especially at age Twelve, happens to look like pointing out and focusing on the negative. I started to learn more about these personalities, about how they love routine and structure (OMG! The S word! Ack!), how they like fewer choices, how they feel personally responsible for the state of the world and that can often lead to a crushing depression when you want to save said world, but also feel as though said world may be beyond saving.

Personality. Ohmyfreakinggoodness. THAT was my Aha moment. I’ve known for a long time that his intensity was a personality trait, but I was still waiting for it to pass like it was instead a personality flaw that time and space would heal.

It was just this giant lightbulb moment that turned all my glittery, rainbowy, life-is-good Kumbaya stories on their heads.

My child has a personality. And it’s nothing like mine.

And therefore no amount of MY ideas of freedom and choice and love and hippie beads was going to make him happy. Because those aren’t HIS kinds of happy.

His kinds of happy? The happiest and most fulfilled I’ve seen him? Arguing politics, standing up for equal rights, canvassing for elections (I know some of you remember that…back in ’08? He was one passionate 8 year old at the State Convention!), feeding the homeless, giving away his things to a child, debating damn near anything with damn near anyone.

He wasn’t all smiles and sunshine through all of it. But he was lit up with a sense of purpose. He was making a difference in the world. Not because it was fun or exciting or even enjoyable. But because it was HIM, and necessary to his personhood.

This all hit me pretty hard. Not in a bad way, like I was devastated. But in a Holy Crap way, like how could I have been so blind? I took a step back and I just started observing. I started admitting that despite the fact that I may have helped countless other parents through their own struggles, this parenting thing through me a curve I hadn’t expected and had totally struck out on. I humbled myself. And I started all over. Except this time I didn’t come to it looking for a new label or lifestyle. I came to it looking only at my son, what he needed, and what that could look like.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t, and still haven’t, nailed this transition with some sense of altruistic grace. I wasn’t thinking solely of Zeb, and not at all of my own self-image or fears. I was humbled, but it hurt. I was afraid, mostly of unschooling backlash, and I had a lot of that fear to deal with. What would it look like if I stopped calling ourselves unschoolers? What would it look like if I admitted that my kid was a radically different person than the vision of unschooling we’ve all grown to accept? What would happen if I let it be known that words like “happy” or “excited” don’t fit Zeb? I was battling my own inner demons calling me a failure and a fraud as a mother and a blogger and a mentor. It took me some time to fully distance myself from the label, and from the people who lived and breathed and judged by the label. It took me longer to feel at peace with that decision and no longer worry about the backlash. (Yes, this is part of why it took me almost 2 years to write this.)

What helped me?

Realizing that we had – for six flipping years – not seen that we were LIFE-learning with a child who feels overwhelmed by the bigness of LIFE; we were making “the world our classroom” for a child who was overwhelmed by the heaviness of the world.

We thought the problem was in how intense and overwhelmed he was feeling, and the solution was in unschooling. Instead the struggle was in not helping him understand his strengths (his ability to pick up on things that can be improved) AND his weaknesses (the way these “imperfections” can overtake him), and instead trying to help him by “giving him more time”, “giving him more space”, and trusting it all to work itself out.

When Zeb came home from that month trip, we all sat down and talked. Instead of me laying it all out on the table, I instead recognized how that overwhelms him and I held my cards a little closer. I don’t remember everything we talked about, or every decision that we made, but I do remember talking about how we’d all like things to look.

One of the main surprises dealt to us from that conversation was that Zeb was ready for school. This was something we both supported and struggled with. First of all, we were still “on the road” and had some more travel plans. Second, having spent 8 years in the homeschooling/unschooling community means hearing a lot of horror stories of public school and all the reasons why our friends had become refugees of it. Third, was he prepared for the stress, the social inequalities (remember, this is the kid that sees and feels responsible for righting the wrongs in the world) the expectations, the work load, the culture? And were we?

So, we eased ourselves into the idea. We finished up the rest of our travels, and came back to the panhandle of FL to make plans. That’s when Life took over and things fell into place. Justin found work that turned into a business opportunity that turned into a rental home last fall. We debated starting in 8th grade, but Zeb felt he wasn’t prepared.

So, we took some assessment tests and found out he was on level in most areas and only about 6 months behind in math. But that wasn’t good enough for the person who most easily perceives imperfection, so he set himself a goal to be fully prepared by 9th grade.

During this time, we started preparing ourselves too. We met local families that had made the homeschool-to-high-school transition. We talked with parents of high schoolers about the teachers and faculty. We went in to meet the counselor.

Slowly, piece-by-piece, the whole thing was just clicking into place. Even to the point of being fully impressed with the student-faculty relationships we happened to eavesdrop on.

I won’t say it wasn’t nerve-wracking all the way up until next month, because it has been, but it’s no longer about “not unschooling”. It’s about “Zeb’s Next Adventure”. School feels less like the monster it certainly can be, and more like the resource it should be. And a good resource. With 7 good teachers who actually give a crap, and each with a different personality that will bring a different growth experience for all of us.

So, all this being from my perspective, lemme try to share from his…

Zeb’s Choice and Feelings on the Matter

Totally took a pic of his first day of school breakfast of champions

Ultimately, the choice to go to school was his, with a heavy influence from us. His three main reasons for going were:

  1. He wants to meet like-minded people.
  2. He’s OUT of his caveman phase and despite the fact that he’s still kind of a homebody, he wants to be OUT of the house all the time now.
  3. He wants to learn, and prefers the more structured format.

I do think if there was a democratic school in this area, he’d be much more apt to enjoy it. He still doesn’t like the top-down approach to education. He WANTS to be there, he WANTS to learn, and he’s wanting the whole experience. But he’d like it a lot more if he had more say in what and how and when and why. Maybe this will mean he runs for school counsel and fights the system from within. Maybe it’ll mean he learns radical acceptance and compromise and to not throw babies out with bath waters. Maybe he’ll get frustrated and quit. I don’t know.

We talked at great lengths about it all. What he might experience from teachers, staff, and students. How he would choose to navigate it. My biggest concern was his awareness of ageism and condescension, but thankfully we just haven’t seen a lot of that at this school. The dress codes aren’t ridiculous (a little sexist, yes, but at least they can wear flip flops) and they are allowed cell phones and tablets in class (if they are being used as is appropriate for the class). And like I said before, the student-faculty relationship is surprisingly positive. And you know I was looking for issues. πŸ˜‰ But he’s aware of these potential concerns and this is one of those times I get to step off and let him navigate these things himself.

Everyone keeps asking if he’s excited, but in case you haven’t gathered from what I’ve written so far, Zeb is an “excitable” kind of guy. He’s ready. He’s fully prepared, having gone over every possible scenario in his head (bad habit he likely picked up from me). At a few points in the last couple weeks he was even looking forward to it, and lamenting that school started too late in the month. And once last week, he seemed downright excited, but he snapped out of that craziness pretty fast. πŸ˜‰

Mostly, he’s been surprising us.

Case in point: I was a basket case over The Day at the Fort….an upperclassman facilitated day for new Freshman to get acquainted with the school and each other. No parents allowed.

I thought he’d be his normal, quiet, reserved self. I was nervous that he’d feel nervous and awkward. Once again, Mom was wrong and he came home with a totally different story. He told me how much fun he had learning the cheers, the people he made friends with, the fun side he exhibited. He expressed concern that he might’ve turned off the more mature people he was looking to meet, but I think he took it to heart when I reminded him that mature, intelligent people also appreciate a sense of humor.

The same thing happened at the school orientation, despite the fact that we were allowed at this one. He easily talked to other students he had met, shared schedules, and made plans to connect on the first day of school. He was excited to find so many Attack On Titan fans complimenting his attire. He wore his kickass hat (and wore it again today). He looks so good in that hat. And his vest. My goodness, that guy.

Zeb's first day of school

There were a few times when he almost talked himself out of it, but those actually became less and less as the first day came closer. Talking with other students at the comic book store helped. Being bored to tears probably helped a lot too.

I don’t know what to expect when we go to pick him up from track in a few minutes, or what to expect in terms of workload (except that I’m assuming I’m going to be doing a lot of it with him the first few months), or what to expect in terms of what he’ll love or not love or want to do.

We talked about whether or not to commit to the whole year awhile back, but now that seems like a moot point. I don’t think he wants to quit. And I don’t think Justin and I will back just any decision to quit. We (and when I say we, I mean him too) have all recognized his desire to quit when things get hard. His perfectionism kicks in and while most perfectionists try harder, his natural inability to be completely perfect at everything he attempts usually makes him quit out of overwhelm. This is something we’ve been okay with in the past, but we’re not just blanketing an okay this time. A desire to quit will take a lot of discussion and a lot of sleeping on it, and no more snap decisions. Because if there is one thing we’ve learned, it’s that every time he quits he’s reaffirmed to himself that he’s not good enough and that has left him in a downward spiral that we’re trying to break. That’s not to say it’s off the table; it just means it will have to be the right decision because a better option is available that fits his needs and not an impulse decision based on frustration.

The drive to the 1st day of school

His first day!!

Overall, his mood can be described as prepared, determined, ready, slightly nervous, but mostly just let’s-do-this-already.

I’m sure I’ll have more to report on this in a week or so though. πŸ˜‰

I’m gonna diverge into that logistics for a minute…

Zeb’s Classes and Teachers and Those Kind of Logistics

Zeb is taking ALL honors classes, plus cross country (with study hall), art, and debate.

The decision between Honors and basic classes was a hard one. On one hand, we didn’t want the workload and the added pressure that comes from Honors classes (definitely wanted to steer clear of AP classes). We understand the transition itself might be quite enough without adding in the extra performance stress. But one of the two main things Zeb wanted out of his school experience was to meet like-minded teens. Mature, intelligent, think-for-yourself types that have goals and make good decisions. He was more than a little worried over the maturity rate of most teens. So I talked ad nauseam with his school counselor – who was amaze balls, btw – to help discern if the Honors classes would be too much work for the payoff. We talked about his current academic level, his gaps, and his learning style, and we both came to the conclusion that Honors was a better fit. In part, because he’s used to a faster pace (not a lot of busywork in homeschool, yo), and in part, because unlike many kids who might be taking the easiest classes possible, he actually wanted to be there and that meant a caliber of student that also wanted to be there.

His first choice was a TWO PERIOD algebra class. TWO hours of algebra, because his wicked perfectionist streak was convincing him he was behind. Yeah, no. This is one of those times as a parent when you’re not sure when to allow them to make a choice or if you should step in and encourage something else. I stepped in, and as of last week we’re all glad. After talking with his algebra teacher, not only is he not going to be behind as he feared, he’s actually already ahead. Yes, of the Honors class. (Score for Kahn Academy!) That took a HUGE worry off his shoulders. He’s been busting ass with online classes, wanting really badly to be advanced. Apparently, some field he mentioned that I can’t remember is his “fallback plan” in case saving the world doesn’t pan out, and its heavy in mathematics. Particle physics? Something crazy like that. (This kid boggles my every loving mind.)

With that extra hour freed up, he could choose three electives. The first he chose was art. He loves to draw and has been doing quite a bit of progressing on his own. A structured art class will be interesting from our unstructured, interest-led stuff. Back in the day, some of the negative experience of school was in his art class. Lots of “you can’t do art that way” that created a lot of self-criticism that he has started moving past in the last couple years. So far it doesn’t look like the teacher is that “rulesy”, but of course, there is a lot of emphasis on techniques. Not a bad thing, but hopefully not a thin line between that and losing the actual joy of drawing that he’s been gaining.

The second elective he chose was Cross Country and Track & Field, which comes with its own study hall for 7th period. This might be the only class he changes. We had no idea that they practiced for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, with meets on Saturdays (is that much running in the heat even healthy?). That means he’s up at 6am, out the door at 6:40am, and doesn’t get home until 5:15. He WANTS to run, but he’s not into competition and fundraising and all that extra jazz. He does like that the coach runs the study hall, and that extra hour to get homework done with a teacher’s help was a huge plus, but unless this team really ends up being a great fit for him (friendship wise) I don’t see him putting up with the rest. Have I mentioned Zeb is NOT competitive? Seriously, he just wants to run for the fun of running. So we talked and he’s gonna give it a week or two before we invest in the super fancy (read: expensive) running shoes. If it doesn’t work out he’ll transfer into the regular study hall instead and look into the art club and a few other things.

The third elective is Debate, and I really encouraged this one once he dropped the whole Double Math Hell (my perspective, not his) thing. He has an interest in politics and activism, and one way or another public speaking, debate, and strong opinions are likely to be a part of his future. Again, he’s not sure how he feels about the whole “competition” thing, but he definitely is interested in the class.

Biology Honors is a totally new thing for us. Other than hands-on, real life learning, we’ve never done anything from a book (not counting Google). But we LOVED his teacher! Among all the teachers in orientation, she was one of our faves. She’s upbeat, positive, and excited to have a former homeschooler. She gave us lots of information and tips. She just had an enthusiastic and excited energy, but also with a little bit of SuperWoman strength to her. I want to take her to coffee sometime.

Geography Honors is one of the classes I’m most excited to see how Zeb enjoys. We chose this one because the Honors class focuses more on current events and culture and less on maps. This was another teacher I LOVED and want to take to coffee. The fact that she agrees with Zeb that Jon Stewart is the best way to stay current on events made our day. This class really feels tailor-made for him, especially as he now has a desire to travel more (you know, AFTER we settled down) and cares so much about culture and politics. Plus, the teacher was awesome; did I mention that?

He’s most worried about English Honors. His handwriting is as atrocious as most people in 2014 who only type. And he’s still got gaps in grammar rules. He’s never written an essay, and although English is my favorite subject, I have no idea of the “proper” ways to format a sentence or a paragraph. As you can probably tell. But he likes to read, and real books too (he was kinda disappointed in the Teen Lit choices for the summer reading list). And after talking with the teacher, who is pro-technology and wears a Marvel character around her neck, she’s totally comfortable with working with him on his gaps. In fact, she really didn’t care much as long as he enjoys reading and has a desire to be there. Kinda seemed like she could work with anything after that. πŸ˜‰

So Yeah, There’s All That

Holy all that is good in the world. If you stuck with me through all this you’re either morbidly curious or utterly fascinated. Or maybe just incredibly bored. Or like most people asking me to write this, you’ve got a kid that doesn’t seem to fit any mold or you’re wondering what all this looks like down the road should they choose another route.

I can tell you that this long novella is 1/10th of the emotions and thoughts and big ass shifts we’re going through. But his track meet is over in 3 minutes and I live exactly 2.5 minutes away, so I’ll have to come back with more another day. πŸ™‚

Sending Him Off Again

Saying "See Ya Later" to your kid is weird.

Zeb is flying to visit family for a few weeks again (we will meet him there for Thanksgiving). Oh and we found his first chin whiskers. Much fun was had by all.

Zeb left yesterday afternoon, heading to Vegas again for an extended visit with family and friends. We’ll meet him there before Thanksgiving, and for my little sister’s wedding, which means we have three weeks to share together – just Justin and me.

It’s stillΒ weird, having a teenager who has a life beyond yours.

Does that part of parenting ever get less weird? I’m told it doesn’t.

I suddenly understand this quote so much better now:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. (Elizabeth Stone)

He suddenly has memories that I don’t share, details that I’ll never know, conversations with strangers on a plane that I’ll only wonder at, trivial moments of his life that are only his, not worth sharing or even knowing but still taken for granted as a mama that you’ll be a part of.

Goofing off before his flight. I rarely capture his real smile.

Heart these men in my life.

He's cool beans, this one.

At the same time, it’s really cool.

It’s amazing to see photos of him towering over to his grandma, to call him at night and chat casually about his flight and his plans, to see how much he swells with a subtle sort of confidence and pride, responsibility and excitement.

It’s a little like all our efforts in parenting are materializing, but we don’t get to see it. πŸ˜‰

Justin and I were talking about what it will be like when he’s flown the coop.

What will we do with ourselves? Will we be bored? Will Justin drive me crazy without Zeb to play with or pick on? Will our lives change radically, and if so, in what direction?

It feels as though trips like Zeb’s are good for us, Justin and me.

It’s like practice for having our heart walking around without us, a piece of our trio and also a piece of our hearts off doing his thing for the long-term someday. We’ve never been just the two of us, without Zeb (Justin was a late arrival into our family).

It’s an interesting role to play, this couple (instead of trio) thing.

So we’re playing it up. We’re doing all the things couples usually do before they grow their family. Or at least the things we imagine they do.

It’s weird, like I said, to have this big empty space where his energy used to be. But it’s life too, to eventually have my heart off living his life. And it’s incredible for him, just like I was saying before. So we may as well get with the program, reign in our desire to hound him, and make the most of it for us too.

I’m officially the mom of a teenager (is this what I hoped for?)

He'll be a teenager tomorrow. #zeb #play #lego

I am officially the mother of a teenager. Today is Zeb’s 13 birthday and he’s sleeping in, as is custom for his current body needs of non-stop eating and sleeping. πŸ˜‰

12 was a tough year. Justin and I found new parenting triggers we got to DIG IN to, and Zeb transitioned through many tough phases. But once we found our emotional footing and our patience and compassion for his experience, we were able to help him over the hump and meet his deeper needs.

And it’s been amazing since then.

He cracks everyone up, makes interesting conversations, has firm opinions, and opens car doors for me. *heartmelt*

He’s kind, considerate and patient in ways you begin to wonder will ever happen when they are 4 or 7 or 11 and you’re dealing with your own fears of raising them “right”.

And that thought got me thinking yesterday.

I got back from a walk in the harbor and had sticky mud up to my ankles (it felt amazing by the way). I couldn’t go inside, so I interrupted Zeb’s project for help.

He said “sure!” and jumped up to get a bowl of water, asked me how my coaching call had gone and made friendly conversation as I washed my feet and legs. We talked about lunch and when I offered to make sandwiches he sweetly replied with a “yes, please” and then “thank you mom”.

He was friendly, and helpful.
He used his manners.
He was mature.

All the things we hope to see in our kids.

But a curious thought crossed my mind…(I like curious thoughts. I like to challenge myself and ask hard questions and look at things objectively.)

“This is what I’ve been hoping for. But have I parented for what I really want?”

Friendly, helpful, kind and mature are wonderful things, don’t get me wrong.

But my thought was on the deeper aspects.

Have I at all parented in a way that has taught him to please me? Or have I parented in a way that has allowed him to make genuine choices based on something more than what others think of him or how they’ll respond to him?

I do think I’ve worked hard at parenting in a way that does not make it his responsibility to meet my needs or please me or others.

But I haven’t been perfect by any means.

And that was the curious thought.

We all hope our children will behave…but do we really want children who do what they’re told without questioning and examining for themselves if it feels right to them?

We all hope our children will be kind….but do we want to raise people-pleaser who are fake in order to be accepted or generous in order to manipulate?

We all hope our children will make good choices…but do we want them being told what those choices are when that is the exact opposite of making a good choice for oneself?

Is what I’m creating what I REALLY hope to see?

(I remember having a conversation with a dad once when he told his 12 year old daughter to not resist his wishes. It brought up some discomfort within me and I asked if he really wanted her to learn never to resist what a man tells her to do, and how she can learn to set those boundaries without being allowed to resist the most trustworthy man of her life. It was an interesting convo that left us all thinking. The best kind.)

I’ll admit, as much as I’ve tried to quell my own parenting expectations and base my relationship with my child on honor and respect for his innate spirit and autonomy, I still get trapped in the ideas of “molding” a child.

Heck, even “modeling” for a child could be seen as manipulative if we’re doing something not because it is based on our values and who WE want to be, but based on who we want our children to become.

That’s not how I want to parent.

I choose to consciously parent based on relationship.

In a relationship, I don’t act phony to get the other person to do something. In a relationship, I don’t correct their behaviors. In a healthy relationship, I don’t make it someone else’s job to meet my needs.

In a relationship, I connect with the person, strive to understand their needs, share my own needs and come together to make us both happy and safe.

I have at times been a terrible partner in this relationship.

I have made it his responsibility to make me happy.

Or his responsibility to worry what others might think (of me!).

Thankfully I’ve also taken steps back to look at hard questions like these, to correct my own behavior – not based on what I want him to do or become, but based on who *I* want to be and how I want to love others. And all of this has made me an expert at apologizing. πŸ˜‰

After I was examining all these thoughts yesterday, I was editing Naomi Aldort’s interview for the Organic Parenting e-course (coming next month!) and loved how serendipitously she talks about the guilt we can experience as parents.

It was a sweet little reminder to myself that it’s okay to not be a perfect human being, but to just continue doing my work as a person right along side this incredible person I have had the honor of sharing the last 13 years with.

Yes, I’m the mom of a teenager.

And it’s bittersweet, challenging, FUN (oh my goodness, he’s so much fun!), and curious all at once.

He shows me what I get to examine and I show him how to be a full human being and love and forgive yourself anyway.

My child IS amazing. He’s kind and considerate and helpful. And thankfully, I don’t think I had much to do with that. πŸ˜‰

Psst! This is just a friendly reminder….

The registration for the Organic Parenting e-course will open on September 3.

But Organic Tribe members get it free.

Along with over $1,000 worth of other goodies.

The price for the Organic Tribe rises on Sept 1, so join today!

Traveling with a Tween (What It’s Really Like)

Zeb is 12. Twelve (and its surrounding years) tend to be what a lot of people like to call “The Dark Ages”. I tend to think of them as the “Caveman Days”.

“The Dark Ages” or “Caveman Days” refer to that transition in most tweens and teens from childhood to adolescence. They tend to like to spend a lot of time on their own, often in their room (their cave). They don’t like to go many places or do many things. Society likes to label it as “withdrawn” or “sullen” or begins to think they’ve fallen in a rut (and in a way they kind of have), which I think is what starts the self-fulfilling prophecy of parent-teen strife.

But I think of this phase as a time to deconstruct and reconstruct their beliefs about themselves, others and the world and reflect on everything they’re processing in a new way (instead of just through play).

Zeb’s Caveman Days are not always met with our understanding though.

We are human after all. And lots of new parental triggers come up around this time.

One of our triggers has been when he declines actually leaving the RV.

“Seriously? We travel full time and you don’t want to actually see anything?”

We have had plenty opportunities to reflect on our own triggers there, our fear that we aren’t providing enough, or maybe too much. That he’s not happy. And then those beliefs about what he “should” do based on what we’re doing for him (i.e. “he should be more grateful”, “he should enjoy this opportunity”) and how he could be missing things and never get this chance again.

Yeah, a lot of scarcity-based parenting.

“Not enough.” “Won’t last.” “Get it before it’s gone.” “And be grateful dammit.”

But Zeb is grateful and happy with his choices in this moment.

And we want him to learn that he can make another choice based on his needs at any other moment, as well. Which means we need to support his ability to make choices now.

So Justin and I often remind ourselves that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to see the Golden Gate Bridge. There is no reason why he can’t travel there again. It’s okay if he’s not into the beach like we are; it’ll be there later if he grows interest. Heck, the kid wasn’t even into Universal Studios.

And that’s okay.

This is not his only chance. He’s 12 and a desire to stay home is 1) not the end of the world and 2) not a life sentence.

So, what does it actually look like to travel with a tween going through an introverted stage?

It looks like a lot of dates with my hubby as we explore new places, text Zeb the photos, and share with him when we get back.

It looks like a lot of movie dates out as a family (one place he almost always wants to go), or movie or game nights IN so that we still have plenty of fun together.

And every so often it looks like us convincing him to go with us. πŸ˜‰

Washington D.C. and Philadelphia where two of those places where we convinced him.

We met with old friends in D.C. and explored together. He wasn’t overly thrilled with monuments and museums, but he enjoyed riding the Metro and we all had a blast together.

Yesterday was Philadelphia and we almost couldn’t convince him to go with us.

But he came and we had So! Much! Fun!

Traveling with a Caveman TweenΒ isn’t always easy. He’s moody and not a morning person, and living in a RV together means lots of deep breaths and going for a walk when I need some quiet space.

But at 12 he’s also even more hilarious, asks interesting questions, comes up with fun ideas to do together (like search for gargoyles or juggle in funny places) and is just so wonderful to hang out with.

All day in Philly we walked and talked and explored and cracked jokes. We Googled for facts as we went and took detours on a whim. We honored his interests and never made him stay anywhere too long or see everything in the museum (something we used to do). Instead we just hung out, casually and without the pressure to see or do it all while it lasted, justΒ as friends.

And we all walked back to the truck at the end of the day feeling great.

It took his Caveman tendencies to show me how to really travel, how to really parent actually – slow, laid-back, and remembering that having fun and enjoying one another instead of trying to squeeze every last drop of potential out of the moment (and miss the most important potential of all).

Because nothing is more awesome than hearing from your 12 year old, “I really had a lot of fun with you guys today.”

Photos from Philly and the Area

This place was so cool. Philadelphia Magic Gardens. #philly #art #mosaic

Hanging in Philadelphia’s Magic Gardens

I pretty much love #philly

I pretty much fell in love with Philly.

Well hello there Peru #art #magic #garden #philly

The ceiling of Philly’s Magic Gardens

Floating down the river with friends

Floating down the river with friends

Zeb's awesome face

I asked him to show me awesome. This is what I got.

Will be gone in no time!

Zeb made his own chocolate bar at the Hershey’s Factory.

The guys are making their own chocolate bars in Hershey. I'm getting the hell out of the madness with some bare feet and a grassy spot in the shade. #HSP

I escaped the madness at Hershey’s with some time under a tree.Β 

Mini golf tourney at the FOTR rally

Mini-golf with some of The Conscious Caravan and other full-time families.

Photos from DC

A bus ride AND a train ride. I'm gonna be a regular urbanite soon.

Heading into DC with friends.

We're ON a train! Underground! I am UNDERGROUND and ON a train!

We went on a train! Underground!

#dc #washington

Cooling off in DC.

Staring contest #dc #smithsonian

Bahaha! This was Zeb’s staring contest!

#dc #washington #lincoln #mall

The mall in front of the Lincoln Memorial. (We tried to understand what constituted a memorial versus a monument but it didn’t make much sense to any of us.)

Oh yes he did. #dc #lincoln #juggling

Of course he juggled in DC! Here’s the video of the highlights:

His First Solo Trip

Zeb has always been an independent person. From the time he could scoot and crawl he preferred lots of time out of my arms. As a toddler he loved his day trips out with grandparents or aunts. And for many years he’s chosen to stay home alone whenever possible.

That’s the easy “free range” stuff for me.

Watching him board a plane for his first solo flight – that makes my heart clench a little. πŸ™‚

Ready for his first solo flight!

Lemme go back…

A few months ago Zeb was feeling a lot of homesickness. We talked and he processed and at the time we didn’t see what else to do other than empathize.

Then that night I had one of those “Duh” moments when you suddenly ask yourself why not and realize you don’t have any reason other than “I just hadn’t thought about it.”

So I asked him, “Would you like to fly back to Vegas to visit family and friends?”

There was really no reason why it wouldn’t work…we could afford a single ticket, he’s 12 for goodness sake (I was flying alone since I was 8…and that was before security was such a PITA) and he wanted it – and that’s enough to make anything a possibility.

We talked about the reasons we couldn’t all go (cost + RV storage + dog + work), what it’s like to fly alone, how the trip might be organized to see everyone and how long he’d like to stay.

3 weeks he decided would be long enough to see everyone and do everything and not be too homesick for us.

So we made it happen.

And yesterday he took off.

Okay, so I’ll admit I was excited for him just about the entire time.

But towards the end was when my heart was a little clenched and there was one point where I thought I might vomit.

I didn’t (and don’t) want to taint his trip with my own emotions about missing him. And I’m not at all worried about him or his ability to fly alone, navigate friends and family and have fun.

But there was a really weird moment when his plane was taxiing the runway and I knew his phone was shut off that the Mama Bear in me said, “WTF?! I’m going to be out of contact with him for nearly 6 hours?!

Like I said, being away from him was something I had to get used to from the day he started moving. And we’ve spent days away from each other when he was having a sleepover-a-thon or Justin and I had our honeymoon.

But the longest distance away has only been a couple hours drive and we’ve NEVER not been able to pick up the phone and reach him in an instant.

And THAT was…well, I don’t have words for how that felt, except to say that it felt oddly like I was looking into the future.

My son is growing. He’ll be 13 this year and he’s as tall as me (and taller than his Grandma – haha!). His voice is changing and he can lift me up when we hug. And he has a girlfriend – did I mention that?

And it won’t stop there.

Soon the ratios of together and not-together will be flipped and he may be off doing his thing with his people more than he may be doing his thing with us.

And that’s EXCITING! It’s exciting to watch him make steps out into the world in a way that makes sense and feels right to him.

But it’s WEIRD too. Not weird of him, not weird of what he’ll do…but weird of how it feels to parent with such attachment and then suddenly realize that all that attachment parenting that you did (or caught up on) was really laying a foundation for him to eventually form attachments elsewhere.

It’s weird to have known but actually *realize* that it’s not about me, it’s not about my ideas or hopes, it’s not about my preconceived notions of what and when and how and why.

It’s about him.

It’s about the things that light HIM up, the things that make HIM excited, the things that HE wants.

Those really have very little to do with me.

He didn’t come into this world to be parented by me, to grow some powerful attachment to his parents and live happily ever after with us.

It was merely our job to give him those things now so that he could do what he came into this world to do. And now it’s our job – not his – to process the emotions that come with that so that he doesn’t feel responsible for the way we feel about his exploring his own life.

Leavin on a jet plane

I guess this will be good practice for us so that I don’t act like a total spazztastic Mama Bear when the big stuff starts shifting. πŸ™‚

P.S. Everyone (including us) is asking what we’re going to do for 3 weeks without him. We did some chatting on the way home from the airport and decided it’s going to look a little like this:

  • Enjoying the big smiley pictures he’s been texting us
  • Finishing up some work projects
  • Eating sushi – his least favorite meal
  • Spending a romantic weekend in the Florida Keys
  • Sex on the couch
  • And other places
  • In the middle of the day
  • And I think Justin is trying to figure out the whole Nekked Room thing as I type.

I’m going to try REALLY hard not to over-text Zeb, over-check his Facebook page or call him constantly. But it’s proving to be very hard so far. πŸ™‚

Father + Son = Oddballs!

I love my guys.

I know that probably goes without saying, so maybe I should say I actually really LIKE them, I enjoy them, I marvel at them and just thinking about them makes me smile with love for Who They Are.

The two of them make the most interesting (sometimes challenging πŸ˜‰ ) father-son duo I’ve ever known.

Do you know the juggling story?

Well then…let me tell you.

Last year, the day after Thanksgiving to be exact, Zeb asked Justin how to learn to juggle.

Justin, never having done it but being fully indoctrinated in Google-School, said, “Good question. Let’s find out.”

Oh, blessed YouTube and how you enrich our lives.

(Seriously, can you believe YouTube is only about 6 years old? How did we LIVE without YouTube before 2005??)

An hour later, and Zeb had satiated his curiosity for how one learns to juggle.

Four or five hours later – somewhere around midnight – Justin’s saying things like “Check it out! I think I REALLY got it now!”

Over the past year, Zeb would pick it up again and then stop.

Over the past year, Justin has juggled an average of TWO HOURS A DAY.

Zeb has spent just about ten hours and mastered how to juggle the three ball cascade, several tricks and passing with his dad (video below).

Justin can now juggle six balls, do countless tricks, and juggle anything from balls to pins to rings to puppies if our dog would trust him.

Zeb’s also dabbled with the Diablo and the yo-yo.

Justin is hardcore with the juggling, yo.

(It makes for some great jokes, lemme tell ya.)

And then this past summer, after some deep connecting with what exactly this juggling thing is all about, this awesome duo decided to go pro.

Justin + Zeb = Oddball Juggling!

Oddball Juggling is all about sharing the love and benefits of juggling with other families by offering affordable, durable juggling balls and inspiration with other families.

That’s their mission statement and it makes my heart go pitter-patter. β™₯

Seriously, they are for realz. Check this out:

But it’s more than just having fun and inspiring others. It’s a father-son business!

They are selling two sizes of juggling balls and have several videos to get you started (with more on the way!).

And They’re Making YOU a Special Offer!

Oh seriously, I just love their mad business skillz. They used them to convince me (with payments of shoulder rubs) to share their special offer here.

Just in time for the holidays, you can get you and your family your own set(s) of juggling balls for 20% off!

When you go to order through Etsy, enter the coupon code: organic20

In the meantime, won’t you please Like their Facebook page and share this post with your friends and family, on Twitter, Facebook, your blog and anywhere else to help them get the word out? πŸ˜€

Taking My (Younger) Man on a Date

Sometimes things get hectic and the days slip by without feeling like we’ve really connected.

This is where we were this week. Hadn’t spent any time together – really together – for a few days. And it begins to show, ya know?

So I declared it a date night.

No, not with my hubby. With my sweet Zeb.

checkers in the park
Checkers in the park – he totally beat me.

lunch date
Last minute lunch – his choice.

movie date
Movie: Real Steel

blinded by the flash
Blinded by the flash

Our mother-son dates are a lot like reset buttons. Nothing spectacular happens. It’s not as if, at 12 years old, he’s a bigger chatterer, so we’re not talking about the meaning of life (usually).

But it’s just time spent together, without distractions, doing whatever we love with a peron we love.

Where do you go on your dates?

Organic Wisdom: Understanding Through Compassion

Yogi Tea Wisdom

True understanding is found through compassion. – my Yogi teabag

For some godawful reason, Northern Michigan has confused August with a season to get cold.

Coming from Nevada, it makes no sense to my body to wake up shivering, but I do love any excuse to make hot tea in the morning.

There’s just something about it, the routine maybe…filling the teapot, lighting the stove, warming my hands by the flame and then with my hot mug. Sipping until it’s cool enough to drink. Slowing down. Not jumping into my day.

I also love my Yogi tea nuggets of wisdom, just a tiny phrase to meditate on while I roll my hot mug between my cold hands. This morning’s wisdom was the one above.

Compassion.

It’s been a word on my tongue a lot lately.

Compassion.

And how often it’s lacking in our words, our thoughts (judgments), our reactions (especially the knee-jerk kind).

When I am connected to compassion I see deeper, feel deeper, connect to others and to Truth deeper.

When my focus is not on compassion I’m absorbed in my own thoughts (judgments), my own reactions, my own sense of victimhood, my own ego.

But compassion takes me out of those things.

Camera + Compassion + My Son

In case you didn’t notice I’m taking a lot of shoddy photos with my phone lately.

I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but my other camera isn’t in the best shape right now.

A couple weeks ago, I took it to the pool and in an effort to keep it dry wrapped it in a towel. Not knowing this and while I was back at the RV, Zeb picked up said towel and my camera fell several feet to the cement.

Thank goodness for an already residing sense of compassion.

I didn’t see the look on his face when it happened but I saw the look when he came up to tell me. It was a mixture of remorse and uncertainty. He knew how much I loved my camera, love to take photos, loved to capture expressions and moments from funny angles. And in my less-than-compassionate moments, he knew that my initial reaction could be the knee-jerk variety.

“Mom, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know your camera was there and I picked up the towel to dry off and…well, it fell and Dad has been trying but it’s not taking pictures now.”

But in that moment, I was fully connected to my own Truth, my own wisdom, my own Bigger Picture.

I was centered and felt content. And so my reaction was one of compassion.

“Really? You’re not upset? Because Spirit in the Sky was playing on the radio when it happened and I thought for sure it was an omen that you were gonna kill me,” he said with a grin. My son, he’s a funny one. πŸ™‚

Don’t get me wrong…I felt my own disappointment and sadness over losing something I love.

But I felt a stronger sense of compassion for my son’s disappointment and concern for me.

But Compassion Isn’t Really The Answer

Okay, I really don’t believe compassion is the answer, even if the word is on my tongue a lot lately.

I didn’t take it in stride because I wanted to be compassionate. I didn’t keep my perspective because I focused on what would be the most compassionate.

I was compassionate because I already felt that deep sense of Connection within myself.

And by already being connected to my own Organic Wisdom, I could see with compassion. I could see that he cared deeply for me. I could see his worry. I could see that it was only a cheap lens that broke. And that it was just a camera anyway, a thing. I could see that I hadn’t even been taking many pictures lately. And I could even see my own accountability: I had wrapped it up in a towel and not told anyone after all.

Compassion didn’t allow me to see or understand those things. Being able to see those things without the fogginess of my emotions or knee-jerk reactions allowed me to respond with compassion.

And because hindsight is all a beautiful thing, I can see just how nice it is to only have my cell phone to take pictures – convenient, lightweight and good enough to capture the moment, save time in editing and get back to what really matters. πŸ™‚

Thirty, Twelve and Eleven

August is a busy, busy month in our little family with two birthdays and an anniversary.

Justin was up first turning 30 a few weeks ago!

We’re big on celebrating milestones and on celebrating life, so 30 seemed like a pretty significant number to do something big with.

What did he choose? Skydiving!

Zeb and I watched from the ground, jumping up and down as we saw the plane, saw him jump out of the plane and at one point even heard his Woohoo reach us on the ground. And the look on his face and his serene demeanor after was priceless.

taking off

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after his big jump!

Zeb’s birthday was up next, and like a classic 12 year old, he requested no photos. [Insert sad mama face here.]

I do however have a photo of the two of them juggling together! ♥

juggling guys

I guess you’ll just have to take my word that we watched hours of his favorite movies, went bowling with my sister and her family, then out for pizza.

Then came our anniversary – today actually.

My sweet hubby and I have been together for 11 years, married for nine.

We spent the day together, shopping the farmer’s market, then out to lunch, a movie, a walk on the Michigan beach with ice cream and lots and lots of reminiscing about how we met (he saw me at a warehouse and was almost too shy to introduce himself – someone else did it for him), what made us fall in love (oh so many little things) and what made it last (that’s a whole post right there).

Red Mesa Grill

Lunch

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Shadows

Love him

I’m so incredibly in love with these two guys of mine and am so happy they were born into my life. ♥