That’s the easy “free range” stuff for me.

Watching him board a plane for his first solo flight – that makes my heart clench a little.

Lemme go back…

A few months ago Zeb was feeling a lot of homesickness. We talked and he processed and at the time we didn’t see what else to do other than empathize.

Then that night I had one of those “Duh” moments when you suddenly ask yourself why not and realize you don’t have any reason other than “I just hadn’t thought about it.”

So I asked him, “Would you like to fly back to Vegas to visit family and friends?”

There was really no reason why it wouldn’t work…we could afford a single ticket, he’s 12 for goodness sake (I was flying alone since I was 8…and that was before security was such a PITA) and he wanted it – and that’s enough to make anything a possibility.

We talked about the reasons we couldn’t all go (cost + RV storage + dog + work), what it’s like to fly alone, how the trip might be organized to see everyone and how long he’d like to stay.

3 weeks he decided would be long enough to see everyone and do everything and not be too homesick for us.

So we made it happen.

And yesterday he took off.

Okay, so I’ll admit I was excited for him just about the entire time.

But towards the end was when my heart was a little clenched and there was one point where I thought I might vomit.

I didn’t (and don’t) want to taint his trip with my own emotions about missing him. And I’m not at all worried about him or his ability to fly alone, navigate friends and family and have fun.

But there was a really weird moment when his plane was taxiing the runway and I knew his phone was shut off that the Mama Bear in me said, “WTF?! I’m going to be out of contact with him for nearly 6 hours?!”

Like I said, being away from him was something I had to get used to from the day he started moving. And we’ve spent days away from each other when he was having a sleepover-a-thon or Justin and I had our honeymoon.

But the longest distance away has only been a couple hours drive and we’ve NEVER not been able to pick up the phone and reach him in an instant.

And THAT was…well, I don’t have words for how that felt, except to say that it felt oddly like I was looking into the future.

My son is growing. He’ll be 13 this year and he’s as tall as me (and taller than his Grandma – haha!). His voice is changing and he can lift me up when we hug. And he has a girlfriend – did I mention that?

And it won’t stop there.

Soon the ratios of together and not-together will be flipped and he may be off doing his thing with his people more than he may be doing his thing with us.

And that’s EXCITING! It’s exciting to watch him make steps out into the world in a way that makes sense and feels right to him.

But it’s WEIRD too. Not weird of him, not weird of what he’ll do…but weird of how it feels to parent with such attachment and then suddenly realize that all that attachment parenting that you did (or caught up on) was really laying a foundation for him to eventually form attachments elsewhere.

It’s weird to have known but actually *realize* that it’s not about me, it’s not about my ideas or hopes, it’s not about my preconceived notions of what and when and how and why.

It’s about him.

It’s about the things that light HIM up, the things that make HIM excited, the things that HE wants.

Those really have very little to do with me.

He didn’t come into this world to be parented by me, to grow some powerful attachment to his parents and live happily ever after with us.

It was merely our job to give him those things now so that he could do what he came into this world to do. And now it’s our job – not his – to process the emotions that come with that so that he doesn’t feel responsible for the way we feel about his exploring his own life.

I guess this will be good practice for us so that I don’t act like a total spazztastic Mama Bear when the big stuff starts shifting.

P.S. Everyone (including us) is asking what we’re going to do for 3 weeks without him. We did some chatting on the way home from the airport and decided it’s going to look a little like this:

• Enjoying the big smiley pictures he’s been texting us
• Finishing up some work projects
• Eating sushi – his least favorite meal
• Spending a romantic weekend in the Florida Keys
• Sex on the couch
• And other places
• In the middle of the day
• And I think Justin is trying to figure out the whole Nekked Room thing as I type.

I’m going to try REALLY hard not to over-text Zeb, over-check his Facebook page or call him constantly. But it’s proving to be very hard so far.

I know that probably goes without saying, so maybe I should say I actually really LIKE them, I enjoy them, I marvel at them and just thinking about them makes me smile with love for Who They Are.

The two of them make the most interesting (sometimes challenging ) father-son duo I’ve ever known.

Do you know the juggling story?

Well then…let me tell you.

Last year, the day after Thanksgiving to be exact, Zeb asked Justin how to learn to juggle.

Justin, never having done it but being fully indoctrinated in Google-School, said, “Good question. Let’s find out.”

Oh, blessed YouTube and how you enrich our lives.

(Seriously, can you believe YouTube is only about 6 years old? How did we LIVE without YouTube before 2005??)

An hour later, and Zeb had satiated his curiosity for how one learns to juggle.

Four or five hours later – somewhere around midnight – Justin’s saying things like “Check it out! I think I REALLY got it now!”

Over the past year, Zeb would pick it up again and then stop.

Over the past year, Justin has juggled an average of TWO HOURS A DAY.

Zeb has spent just about ten hours and mastered how to juggle the three ball cascade, several tricks and passing with his dad (video below).

Justin can now juggle six balls, do countless tricks, and juggle anything from balls to pins to rings to puppies if our dog would trust him.

Zeb’s also dabbled with the Diablo and the yo-yo.

Justin is hardcore with the juggling, yo.

(It makes for some great jokes, lemme tell ya.)

And then this past summer, after some deep connecting with what exactly this juggling thing is all about, this awesome duo decided to go pro.

Justin + Zeb = Oddball Juggling!

Oddball Juggling is all about sharing the love and benefits of juggling with other families by offering affordable, durable juggling balls and inspiration with other families.

That’s their mission statement and it makes my heart go pitter-patter. ♥

Seriously, they are for realz. Check this out:

• They figured out what the real benefits of juggling for kids are.
• Justin is all about juggling and the brain.
• But even more so, he’s all about the juggling meditation.
• The dude seriously juggles everywhere he goes.
• And Zeb isn’t quite so outgoing about being in front of the camera, but a little birdy tells me he’s going to make a solo video soon.

But it’s more than just having fun and inspiring others. It’s a father-son business!

They are selling two sizes of juggling balls and have several videos to get you started (with more on the way!).

And They’re Making YOU a Special Offer!

Oh seriously, I just love their mad business skillz. They used them to convince me (with payments of shoulder rubs) to share their special offer here.

Just in time for the holidays, you can get you and your family your own set(s) of juggling balls for 20% off!

When you go to order through Etsy, enter the coupon code: organic20

In the meantime, won’t you please Like their Facebook page and share this post with your friends and family, on Twitter, Facebook, your blog and anywhere else to help them get the word out?

This is where we were this week. Hadn’t spent any time together – really together – for a few days. And it begins to show, ya know?

So I declared it a date night.

No, not with my hubby. With my sweet Zeb.

Checkers in the park – he totally beat me.

Last minute lunch – his choice.

Movie: Real Steel

Blinded by the flash

Our mother-son dates are a lot like reset buttons. Nothing spectacular happens. It’s not as if, at 12 years old, he’s a bigger chatterer, so we’re not talking about the meaning of life (usually).

But it’s just time spent together, without distractions, doing whatever we love with a peron we love.

Where do you go on your dates?

True understanding is found through compassion. – my Yogi teabag

For some godawful reason, Northern Michigan has confused August with a season to get cold.

Coming from Nevada, it makes no sense to my body to wake up shivering, but I do love any excuse to make hot tea in the morning.

There’s just something about it, the routine maybe…filling the teapot, lighting the stove, warming my hands by the flame and then with my hot mug. Sipping until it’s cool enough to drink. Slowing down. Not jumping into my day.

I also love my Yogi tea nuggets of wisdom, just a tiny phrase to meditate on while I roll my hot mug between my cold hands. This morning’s wisdom was the one above.

Compassion.

It’s been a word on my tongue a lot lately.

Compassion.

And how often it’s lacking in our words, our thoughts (judgments), our reactions (especially the knee-jerk kind).

When I am connected to compassion I see deeper, feel deeper, connect to others and to Truth deeper.

When my focus is not on compassion I’m absorbed in my own thoughts (judgments), my own reactions, my own sense of victimhood, my own ego.

But compassion takes me out of those things.

Camera + Compassion + My Son

In case you didn’t notice I’m taking a lot of shoddy photos with my phone lately.

I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but my other camera isn’t in the best shape right now.

A couple weeks ago, I took it to the pool and in an effort to keep it dry wrapped it in a towel. Not knowing this and while I was back at the RV, Zeb picked up said towel and my camera fell several feet to the cement.

Thank goodness for an already residing sense of compassion.

I didn’t see the look on his face when it happened but I saw the look when he came up to tell me. It was a mixture of remorse and uncertainty. He knew how much I loved my camera, love to take photos, loved to capture expressions and moments from funny angles. And in my less-than-compassionate moments, he knew that my initial reaction could be the knee-jerk variety.

“Mom, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know your camera was there and I picked up the towel to dry off and…well, it fell and Dad has been trying but it’s not taking pictures now.”

But in that moment, I was fully connected to my own Truth, my own wisdom, my own Bigger Picture.

I was centered and felt content. And so my reaction was one of compassion.

“Really? You’re not upset? Because Spirit in the Sky was playing on the radio when it happened and I thought for sure it was an omen that you were gonna kill me,” he said with a grin. My son, he’s a funny one.

Don’t get me wrong…I felt my own disappointment and sadness over losing something I love.

But I felt a stronger sense of compassion for my son’s disappointment and concern for me.

But Compassion Isn’t Really The Answer

Okay, I really don’t believe compassion is the answer, even if the word is on my tongue a lot lately.

I didn’t take it in stride because I wanted to be compassionate. I didn’t keep my perspective because I focused on what would be the most compassionate.

I was compassionate because I already felt that deep sense of Connection within myself.

And by already being connected to my own Organic Wisdom, I could see with compassion. I could see that he cared deeply for me. I could see his worry. I could see that it was only a cheap lens that broke. And that it was just a camera anyway, a thing. I could see that I hadn’t even been taking many pictures lately. And I could even see my own accountability: I had wrapped it up in a towel and not told anyone after all.

Compassion didn’t allow me to see or understand those things. Being able to see those things without the fogginess of my emotions or knee-jerk reactions allowed me to respond with compassion.

And because hindsight is all a beautiful thing, I can see just how nice it is to only have my cell phone to take pictures – convenient, lightweight and good enough to capture the moment, save time in editing and get back to what really matters.

Justin was up first turning 30 a few weeks ago!

We’re big on celebrating milestones and on celebrating life, so 30 seemed like a pretty significant number to do something big with.

What did he choose? Skydiving!

Zeb and I watched from the ground, jumping up and down as we saw the plane, saw him jump out of the plane and at one point even heard his Woohoo reach us on the ground. And the look on his face and his serene demeanor after was priceless.

Zeb’s birthday was up next, and like a classic 12 year old, he requested no photos. [Insert sad mama face here.]

I do however have a photo of the two of them juggling together! ♥

I guess you’ll just have to take my word that we watched hours of his favorite movies, went bowling with my sister and her family, then out for pizza.

Then came our anniversary – today actually.

My sweet hubby and I have been together for 11 years, married for nine.

We spent the day together, shopping the farmer’s market, then out to lunch, a movie, a walk on the Michigan beach with ice cream and lots and lots of reminiscing about how we met (he saw me at a warehouse and was almost too shy to introduce himself – someone else did it for him), what made us fall in love (oh so many little things) and what made it last (that’s a whole post right there).

I’m so incredibly in love with these two guys of mine and am so happy they were born into my life. ♥

It’s been a busy few weeks. Two spent in Southern California, visiting, meeting, working, creating and exploring. And then we headed back to Nevada for a very special court date.

Yes! It’s official! Justin and Zeb’s adoption has been finalized!

It feels good to call official what we’ve known for almost a decade. It also felt really amazing to see my 11 year old bouncing up and down in his seat with The.Biggest.Grin on his face as the judge announced it so.

Now we’re hanging in town for another week, wrapping up our loose ends and hanging out deep in my Creative Cave while I iron out the last of my new e-book. After that? We’re cruising up the West Coast and anxiously awaiting Northern California.

I’m going to be editing photos for ages…you know, if I ever get started.

In the meantime, here’s some inspiration I’ve been swimming in:

• Justin has been working with me on the Sustainable Baby Steps site and we’re soooo loving partnering together to write new articles, such as Types of Houseplants That Clean Indoor Air. We’re also working together on some products for that site! And just generally having a blast.
• I was included in The Goddess Guidebook’s free e-book, How To Be a Morning Goddess! You can get your free copy at that link!
• Have you been listening in on The WISH Summit too? So, so excited to hear all the calls!
• A lovely reader shared this song with me on Facebook and I had to pass it along!
• If you’re in need of some reminding of the beautiful things in life, you must watch this video.
• If you’re wondering about the future of education, this article was quite interesting.
• But this is the way I can really see education evolving.
• HAHAHAHAHA I can’t get enough of this!
• Wondering what you can do for the world right now?
• I love seeing Benny with his new family.
• Every since first hearing about the retreat, I’ve been fascinated by Tiffani’s experience of it.
• Did I mention we spent the day with her and her family at Disney?
• Beautiful. Seriously. Just check her out.
• The perfect pet?
• Every parent of a teen should read this, just to know the alternatives.
• Love when something I love starts to become mainstream!
• This video makes me smile.
• This type of artwork/healing is so lovely!
• Have kids that love violent games?Read this.
• Heart.

Phew! That’s a lot of inspiration! It’s been a good month. 

What’s Inspiring You?

Leave your comment, blog your own post, or just spend a second to appreciate the good things in your life.

The intentions might be well-meaning but the message still feels pretty miserable: Parenting sucks, it’s too hard for you to do alone, you’re too young to do this right and oh, by the way, you’re doomed to be single and miserable because no guy will ever date a woman with a kid.

To one extent or another, by someone in my young life, I was told those things. And I could talk at length at about each one of them and what they did to my thoughts and intentions.

But I’m going to focus on the last one right now.

…you’re doomed to be single and miserable because no guy will ever date a woman with a kid.

It was a pretty classic men-are-dogs message that I heard and a fairly damaging one at that. Not only was I was told to hate Zeb’s bio-dad, I was told to expect the worst from any other man I happened to come across.

And it was total bullshit.

There are men out there who aren’t acting maliciously toward their children or the mother’s of their children. There are men out there who are nothing but human beings doing the best they can with what they have.

There are good men out there who do incredible things for children who are and aren’t biological their own.

I’m married to one. And I had a child with another.

Really Emotional News

Zeb’s bio-dad backed out of the picture when Zeb was two. He wasn’t a “dead beat dad”…he was a deeply conflicted and hurting man. He was living the consequences of several negative choices he had made. And he was doing the best he could with the tools he had.

By leaving, he did the very best thing for his son at that time.

It takes an incredible amount of strength to do that and I won’t begrudge him that.

Justin came into our lives when Zeb was only one year old. I don’t remember when Zeb started calling him Dad, probably somewhere around the age of three, when we were married.

Over the past ten years of the three of us being together, I’ve watched this remarkable man stretch himself to grow into the father that Zeb needed him to be. I’ve watched him teach Zeb to ride a bike, play catch or just cuddle on the couch together. I’ve watched the two of them fight together and fart together…you know, like fathers and sons do.

Over the past ten years, there has never been any doubt in anyone’s minds that Justin is Zeb’s dad, but inspired by Heather, we decided to align the legalities with the Truth.

Justin, with the help of Zeb’s bio-dad, is adopting Zeb.

I’m overwhelmed by these two amazing men: One, who had the courage and love to step into fatherhood so many years ago…

And the other, with more love than I’ve ever heard in anyone’s voice, through his own pain and without any ego, gave the greatest gift to his child that he had to give.

My heart is so full of love for Zeb’s bio-dad. I hold no resentment or anger toward him. I see his heart and I know he’s only ever done the best he could.

My heart is so full of passion for my husband and Zeb’s Dad. He fills our lives with his love each and every day. This adoption is just paperwork to confirm what’s been true for years.

Such enormous choices, such enormous gifts.

Only truly incredible men can do what they have both done.

Here’s to good men everywhere, doing the best they can and in unconventional ways.

I love unschooling. I know that probably goes without saying, but it’s good for me to be reminded sometimes.

Yesterday was our fourth unschooling anniversary. Four years ago we made one choice that changed our world. And today I’m reminded just how phenomenal and empowering a choice it was. See, I don’t love unschooling because of its “results.”

I love unschooling because of what it gives us: freedom, space to heal and the courage to live passionately.

Four years ago, I stood before a child that was angry and sad. I stood before him with questions about how to help him and how to ignite the interests he once had. I was worried that he no longer loved to read or wanted to play with numbers or patterns.

Our life was anxious and nervous and uncertain.

In school he felt a lot of pressure to perform, took to heart anything that sounded like criticism, and became paralyzed by fear of failure. Even things he enjoyed and excelled in were avoided.

Reading was one of those things.

Although we had been reading since he was an infant, although he was excited to learn to do it on his own, and although he picked up on it quickly and easily, he was before me declaring his hatred for books. With pressure, judgment and limitations placed on him his loved for books suffered.

But unschooling changes those things.

Living outside school gave us the freedom to be ourselves, the space to heal our wounds and the courage to live passionately.

As I type this today, four years later, I’m sitting beside my 11 year old as he writes his first novel. And it’s not just any novel; he’s writing an epic fantasy novel.

My heart is so big and happy right now. I wish there was a smiley with it’s eyes closed and it’s face basking in the sun. Because that’s how I feel, as though I’m basking in the glow of a beautiful life.

My son is writing a novel. And I’m not concerned with any of the details, the grammar or spelling or “doing it right”. I’m not even concerned if he doesn’t make it past the second chapter (because he’s already finished the first…and it was Oh.So.Good).

I’m concerned with feeding his passion and his desire to want to do something So Big, so outside his usual comfort zone.

I’m concerned with supporting his sense of empowerment, as he chooses to do something that conventional wisdom wouldn’t expect from him.

I’m concerned with helping him feel the potential within him, to know he CAN, even if he chooses not to.

I’m concerned with his sense of freedom, giving him the space to grow and feeding his courage to live passionately.

Because those are the things that nurture a personal definition of success.

Those are the things that change things.

After La Crosse, we headed back across Wisconsin to a small town an hour outside Green Bay. Zeb’s Gramma flew into town and we met her at her brother’s home for five beautiful days.

Tom and Mary live on a beautiful beach lake. We happened to reach them just as the weather cooled down. It could not have been a more serene setting.

We spent the first day playing with cousins, eating yummy food (they had a plethora of yummy gluten-free foods just for me!) and enjoying the water.

The next day was much the same: tubing, boating, playing in the sand, hooping, eating, chatting.

The third day was spent in one of Justin’s favorite places: Lambeau Stadium! We toured the stadium, inside and out. By far the most memorable part was walking through the players’ tunnel. As you start to walk down the door opens, you hear insane cheering and the announcer introduces “the team”. It was hilarious and exciting to have a taste of what the players must experience as they come out on the field.

The fourth day was spent on the lake again. This time we also did a bit of birding and actually saw a American Bald Eagle! I can’t describe how beautiful and majestic this bird was; a very powerful site to see. Zeb had even seen the nest on an earlier boat ride; apparently the nests are about 5 feet in diameter!

The day to leave came too soon. I was worried that Zeb would have a difficult time saying goodbye, like he did in Nashville. But he was impressively calm. Perhaps knowing we would see her again in a few short months for the holidays helped…or maybe, as he said, he’s just getting older. Either way it’s amazing to see so much change in him these past few months. He’s just such an amazing kid.

More photos from our time on the lake can be found here.

Current Location: Heading into Decorah, Iowa today through Saturday!

I’ve recently said two things I never thought I’d say:

1. “I really just want to eat, not smell dirty underwear.”
2. “I’m getting my 10 year old 11 year old a cell phone.”

I won’t even try to explain the first. But the second…well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Zeb got a cell phone for his birthday.

He has actually been asking for a cell phone for about a year. But I wouldn’t even consider it. I was stuck on the idea of buying a ‘tween a cell phone and the social stigma that it carries with it.

But now that we’re on the road, the reasons were mounting. First, he’s often invited for sleepovers with new friends and we want him to have easy access to us without feeling awkward about waking anyone up to use their phone in the middle of the night. And there are times when he stays home by himself while we run errands or go for walks.

But most importantly, he misses his friends and needs more connection with them. And when we could add another line, a few more minutes and free Friends & Family phone numbers to keep him connected to the people he loves for less than we spend on a trip to the bookstore, why wouldn’t we? It would be selfish not to.

There is a lot of debate about kids and cell phones. Some of it I understand (like the possible affects of radiation on growing kids), but some I struggled with (like the arbitrary age we impose as “acceptable” to own one).

But it wasn’t until I could see his needs that I even realized my own hypocrisy.

See, I don’t think our kids are “growing up too fast” just because they have the same technology an adult uses; Zeb has his own computer, after all. And I don’t feel they’re spoiled because they have a tool that is hardly treated as a “luxury” anymore in our modern world. And why the hell aren’t kids entitled to luxuries anyway?

Insisting that kids can’t have something we ourselves use and enjoy (and can hardly imagine life without) is just another way of insisting kids aren’t people, with opinions and desires as valid as our own.

Sticking to my stubborn and unfounded opinions and holding tight to a few extra bucks a month I was invalidating my child’s need (or desire, which is still a need on some level), as well as his position as a whole, equal and meaningful person in our family. It was me insisting on what he needed and deserved and telling him we deserved more. Youch!

I’m not saying every parent should run out and buy their kids a cell phone or that you’re somehow a bad parent if you don’t. What I am saying is I think we’re better off looking at things we feel is automatically off limits to our kids as just another resource.

This means not vilifying their interest in owning something we own and working with our children to meet their needs…in whatever way makes the most sense to all parties involved. That means looking at a cell phone no differently than an art class or a giant sleepover or a new book: things like budget and capabilities can be considered together and, if necessary, goals can be created and met cooperatively.

In our circumstance, Zeb’s new cell phone is something we remember to charge for him at night, I carry in my purse most days and we foot the bill for. It’s not tied to his chores and it’ll never be taken away from him. And it’s something he sees no differently than he does any other “thing”: it’s a resource, one more thing to enjoy and use as needed, but nothing to obsess about (like his parent’s used to, I might add).

What do you think? Do you see everything as a resource
or are some things off limits?

If you’d like to discuss this particular issue in depth, I’m available for coaching.