Why You SHOULD Focus On Being Perfect (And It’s Not What You Think)

The Majestic Redwoods

Ah, perfect. That word is a hot one. Especially for us women.

Most of us strive so hard to be perfect: the perfect mother, perfect partner, the perfect person with a perfect purpose. We try to create the perfect home and the perfect world with perfect hair and perfect kids.

And then we hear the messages that perfection is a myth, that it can’t be obtained and that striving for it is a maddening and pointless attempt to be something we’ll never be.

After all no one is perfect, right?

This is where I get all Big and Philosophical on you…

Both are wrong.

Zoom out with me – way out – and take in the Big Picture of your life, your journey of self-discovery and growth, your contribution to and purpose in the world.

The entire purpose of your life is to learn, to grow, to experience this human experience and make sense of it the best way you can.

You don’t need to strive for perfection and you don’t need to give up the idea of perfection…Because you are already perfect.

Where you are is already perfect. What you are experiencing, doing and thus learning is absolutely perfect.

You are the perfect mother for your children. You are the perfect person for your purpose. Everything you’re doing and experiencing is perfect.

Stay with me here.

It’s perfect that you make mistakes. It’s perfect that you beat yourself up for them. It’s perfect when you don’t do either.

It’s absolutely perfect when you wake up one day to realize something totally new and life-changing and it’s perfect when nothing ever seems to change.

It’s all perfect because it’s all purposeful, because when we zoom way out the little details that we stress over and complain about and push against blur together, and we see the process, the journey, the contrast that teaches us, the resistance that strengthens us, the meaning at the end of the story, the light at the end of the tunnel and the Magic that brought it all together, that connected the cosmic dots and created something amazing.

If our purpose in life is to learn, and if we learn best through our experiences, then yes, it’s all actually perfect.

And only by acknowledging that it’s perfect can we embrace it, learn from it and expand because of it.

Your mistakes have value. Your journey is oh-so-valuable.

But you won’t get that, you won’t experience that value, until you accept it as perfect, as exactly as it gets to be.

Yes, this applies to everyone – you and your kids, your partner and THAT one frustrating person you would rather not talk about. No matter what you all are doing or experiencing in your lives, you are all in the same perfect place.

Acknowledging that you are exactly where you need to be, and that everything you are experiencing or doing is perfect is not license to be an asshole, hit your children or just quit trying, anymore than the lack of a posted warning is license to shoplift.

On the contrary, and perhaps paradoxically, embracing the seemingly imperfect as perfect will take off that heavy weight of Not-Good-Enough, Less-Than, Doomed-To-Mess-Up, and leave you only with desire to move forward into seeking more….more Love, more connection, more experiences, more compassion, more beauty, more peace, more learning.

You cannot create your Life from a place of imperfection, unworthiness, brokenness, less-than. You can’t. Whatever you see this moment as being, you will notice and create more of the same.

But when you can connect to the fact that this moment is perfect – that it is here for you to experience and learn from, that’s it’s all opportunity, all of value – you can connect to the fact that you can create something more, better, and beautiful from it.

Only by stopping the fight against what is can we give ourselves the clarity and power to create what can be.

Look for it: What about that one frustrating thing is actually perfect?

“There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” – Storm Jameson

17 Replies to “Why You SHOULD Focus On Being Perfect (And It’s Not What You Think)”

  1. phew.. thats such a relief to hear Tara. So many of us feel if we dont just get things right then we are somehow inferior and the thought of being anything but sort of perfect fills us with fears and stops us from growing.
    I love the thought that I am just perfect for not being perfect in everthing that I am and do.

    Did you hear about my cousin Mary P…. ? Well she was “practically perfect in every way!”
    Maybe we should all start thinking the same 🙂

  2. very nice, tara.

    as a recovering type-A, hyper-neurotic, over-thinking, must-never-fail, perfectionist i was prepared to respectfully disagree with you on this one but i totally get what you are saying and couldn’t agree more.

    i like zooming out with you, sister. always a fun and thought-provoking ride! 😉



    ps ~ thanks for introducing me to sarah. she totally rocks and i’m so psyched to be working with her!

  3. YES! I tell my kids and my husband I love them because they are imperfectly perfect, and they so get it. They are who I need and want in my life. Are we perfect? HECK NO! But we are all perfectly imperfect for each other:)

  4. Seeing everything as an opportunity and of value is exactly it! I am the type to flip out if things don’t go as I intend, and by things, I mean the littlest details of the day, and mind you, I have four kids seven and under, so um, yeah, I’d freak out over EVERYTHING! But, I am learning not just to let go of CONTROL because yes, that’s my problem, but to see all the little nuances of the days as opportunities and as of value, whether it be children arguing for the tenth time that day, an exploring baby whose decided the laundry detergent is best all over the floor, or a frustrated little boy at the end of himself because his legos won’t fit together just perfectly — it is all opportunity and all of value, and I am right where I am supposed to be, down to the teeniest (seemingly) insignificant events, which are of course usually the most life changing and important.

    1. I’m glad you did share that. Just the first quote is worth savoring:

      don Miguel Ruiz: “The biggest lie on the planet is ‘nobody’s perfect.’ It’s an excuse. Everyone is perfect. It’s just that humans don’t understand their perfection.”

      The rest speaks as deeply. Thank you. ♥

  5. When I read this post I thought the same as Karen (above) The fifth agreement is the complete acceptance of yourself just the way you are, and the complete acceptance of everybody else just the way they are. The reward is your eternal happiness. Being a seeker of happiness and focusing on the positive. I feel this is my goal. I’m not saying I’m 100%, but I’m perfect in my pursuit of this goal. 🙂 I’ve always been confirmed in this goal, being a Christian, and I believe I was created exactly as I was meant to be. I always seek to see my true worth through God’s eyes.

  6. I’m so glad I opened this in a tab and saved it for when I had a moment. (And thanks for posting a reminder to read it!) So well said, hon.

    Live in and appreciate the moment. Zooming out can help you do just that.

  7. I SO needed to read this post today. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the craziness of life and forget to LIVE. You have made my day so much better! Thank you 🙂

  8. I love this idea! LOVE! I try to remind myself of this at least weekly, if I can’t remember daily… I have SO much to be thankful for, so much that I already have accomplished, I am so wealthy in -so- many ways. I am already perfect. My journey—perfect. Thank you for reminding me!

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