Your Kids Don’t Owe You Jack (Or: Sometimes Life Hands You The Hard Lesson)
It was Mother’s Day morning and I woke with high hopes. After all, I’m a mama and I give a lot. This was “my day”.
Except it wasn’t. You see, it’s easy for us since we travel full-time to lose track of the day and my husband and son didn’t even remember that is was Mother’s Day.
I was sent into a tailspin of emotions and painful thoughts. “How could they forget?” “How dare they forget?” “I’m not important to anyone.” “I’m just the doormat.” “I’m that forgettable.” “Well, screw them both.”
Pain, suffering, anger, resentment, hurt…it all started pouring out.
Not because any of it was real. But because Life was giving me the opportunity to DIG IN and discover where I held these feelings and ideas that were causing me pain, instead of joy, that were keeping me in misery instead of inspiring me to create.
So I dug in. I allowed myself to open my heart to healing. And in the space I created to release the old stories that were keeping me in anger, resentment and disconnection these are the words that spoke to me…
(P.S. It sounds rougher than it was. It was actually filled with a lot of love and glimmers of freedom.)
Now that I have your attention let’s please make one thing clear…
You chose to have children.
You chose to be a caregiver, to take on the responsibility of providing for your child’s physical, emotional and mental well-being.
Your kids don’t owe you thanks for your own decisions.
They just don’t. They are here to live their lives, growing and learning in a way that makes sense to them.
They aren’t here to meet your needs.
That’s your job.
It’s your job to meet your emotional needs. It’s your job to fill yourself with love. It’s your job to care for your own well-being, give yourself the things you love or want and make sure you are happy.
So, are you?
Are you loving yourself? Are you making your well-being a priority? Are you giving yourself everything you need to be the parent, the partner, the person you want to be?
No one else is responsible for it. Just you.
And here’s the Truth…
When you can honestly answer “Yes” you will start to notice that others treat you with the same care and consideration you treat yourself.
And when you are honest enough to know the answer is “No” you will notice that others treat you with the same care and consideration you treat yourself.
I sat with those words and those questions…was I giving myself love? Was I making myself a priority in my own heart or insisting to others that I come last?
And it hit me: All year long I refused their generosity. I made it out to seem I didn’t care about silly little things like celebrations and gifts. I shut down their very desire to love on me by insisting they shouldn’t. I could even remember times where I insisted that Mother’s Day wasn’t important. And although I had been making peace with those things inside myself that kept me from receiving, they had years of experience with my refusal. Why would they have cause to remember a day I insisted they forgot?
I made peace with my feelings of inadequacy after those words rang through my heart. I made peace with my thoughts and felt peace in my emotions too.
I discovered I am worth celebrating, I am worth showing my family how I want to celebrate my own mamahood. I’m so worthy of it that I can do it for myself.
And in an instant I accessed the freedom and the joy in my heart that was missing.
It was about two instances later that my son walked in, heartbroken that he had forgotten Mother’s Day. If I had been in my anger and resentment I wouldn’t have been able to meet him with compassion. (I probably would’ve seen to it that he felt horrible or forevermore remembered me as a raving bitch.) But I was so deeply in love with my own mamahood and ready to celebrate my own Self, that my arms went around him and I told him it was only my responsibility to make myself happy and that wasn’t his burden. That my love for him ran deeper than that.
We then went on to plan a rockin’ Mother’s Day together. ♥
Hey sweet mama, can I support you?
That’s why the start of the Organic Parenting e-course is dedicated to just that – showing you how to consistently, effectively, wonderfully fill your own cup.
So you can shine. Not just as a mama.
But as the vibrant woman you are.
Ask yourself: What’s stopping me from meeting my own needs?